Reorienting Your Butt

| QLD, Australia | LGBTQ, Marriage & Partners

(Hubby and I (female) are at the hospital having some routine testing done on my heart. We are in the waiting room and see a cardiologist leave his office and walk up the hallway away from us.)

Husband: *whispering* “He’s gay… You can tell by the way he moves his butt.”

Me: “…why are you looking at another guy’s butt?”

The Low Point Of Their Relationship

| NY, USA | Boyfriend/Girlfriend

(A week before this story, I had to take my boyfriend to the ER for a bad head wound that ended up needing staples. I take him back to the ER to get them removed a week later and chat with one of the doctors while another doctor removes the staples behind a curtain.)

Me: “Yeah, I already heard the joke of ‘What did you do to him?’ when we came here last week.”

Doctor: *laughing* “Well, what DID you do to him?”

Me: “Look, I’m 5’4”, and he’s really tall. If I was going to do damage to him, I wouldn’t be able to do anything to his head. It would be—“

Doctor: “His knees?”

Me: “Or, you know, other areas that would hurt.”

(My boyfriend and the other doctor come out from behind the curtain, and the doctor I’m talking with sees that my boyfriend is 6’5″ tall.)

Doctor: “Oh, man, you weren’t kidding.”

Me: “See? I told you! Below the belt!”

Boyfriend: “I don’t even want to know… do I?”

(I promise I love him!)

The Wrong Kind Of Falling In Love

, | Panama City, FL, USA | Boyfriend/Girlfriend, Popular

(I suffer from severe panic attacks due to abuse I suffered growing up. If my brain thinks I’m being hurt in anyway, it’ll shut down and go into panic mode. My boyfriend, does his best to help me through them. This happened while we’re making dinner. I ended up spilling burning hot grease on my arm.)

Me: *feeling myself starting to panic* “[Boyfriend]!” *hoping he would catch before falling*

Boyfriend: “S***! [My Name]! *lunges to catch me but fails*

(Two days later, I wake in the hospital attached to a couple of machines and an IV. My boyfriend has his head on the bed and is holding my hand.)

Me: “[Boyfriend]?”

Boyfriend: *jolts awake at his name and looks right at me. His face breaks out into the hugest grin* “Hey. You’re awake. Oh, thank God.” *his expression suddenly turns serious* “Don’t ever scare me like that again.”

Me: *completely confused* “What do you mean?”

(With that he figured out I didn’t remember, and slowly began explaining how I burned my myself, started to have a panic attack, and collapsed on to the tile floor, hitting my head. I had been unconscious for two days and he never left my side.)

Me: *crying* “I love you, [Boyfriend].”

Boyfriend: “I love you, too, [My Name].”

(I stayed in the hospital for another two days, recovering. It’s been a year since then and the panic attacks are a rarity. We are still together and still happily in love. No, I have not scared him to such a degree since then.)

Literally Until Undeath Do Us Part

| VA, USA | Marriage & Partners, Zombies

(When I was younger my mother had a health condition that led to an extended hospital stay. Three times while she was in the ICU she actually was clinically dead, and then revived. After she was released from the hospital at a follow up doctor visit my father made this observation.)

Father: “You know, our wedding vows said ’til death do us part.’ They never said anything about if you were brought back!”

I Love You Inside And Out

| Omaha, NE, USA | Marriage & Partners

(My sister-in-law has just finished having her first child by Caesarean section. My brother was present for it.)

Brother: “I love you on a whole new level, babe.”

Sister-In-Law: “Oh, that’s so sweet!”

Brother: “Now I’ve seen your internal organs.”

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