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The Terrible Star Trek Twos

| Logan, UT, USA | Marriage & Partners

(We have a toddler whose middle name is Tiberius.)

Husband: “If we ever have another boy, we should name him James. Leonard James.”

Me: “That’s actually not too bad. I like the name.”

Husband: “And then if we have ANOTHER boy, we can name him Kirk.”

Me: “I don’t really like the name Kirk.”

Husband: “No, you don’t understand. We have to name him Kirk.”

Me: “Wait…”

Husband: “So then we could have James Tiberius Kirk! And then if I become an officer and get to the rank of captain in the army, we could be Captain James Tiberius Kirk!”

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Hit You Back

| NY, USA | Flirting/How We Met, Popular

(I’m working the cash register at a small shop. A small group of rowdy teens are outside making derogatory comments about women who walk by. Two girls around their age pass by.)

Boy #1: *whistles*

Boy #2: “Yo-oh.”

Boy #3: “I’d hit that”

Girl: *turns around and eyes him critically* “Well, I wouldn’t.”

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Worthless Is Priceless

| KY, USA | Dating, Popular

(My boyfriend and I have had an exhausting day and are deciding on where to eat. We end up in front of a map of the mall and are perusing our choices. We are both also college students and are on a tight budget.)

Boyfriend: “There’s, like, [very expensive place only meant for special occasions], but…

Me: “You wouldn’t take me to [same place]?”

Boyfriend: “Babe, that’s like $50.”

Me: “You mean I’m not worth $50 to you?”

Boyfriend: “Of course you’re worth $50.”

Me: “I’m only worth $50?”

Boyfriend: *at this point is very flustered and keeps digging himself into a deeper hole* “No! You’re not worth anything!” *immediately realizes what he just said and assumes a look of horror while I’m cracking up*

Lack Of Flirt Hurt

| MN, USA | Dating

(I joined my roommate and her family over one of our college breaks. During the break, we go to pick up her boyfriend from where he works in a mall. We arrived twenty minutes early so decide to go in and watch him from a comfortable vantage point.)

Roommate: “He’s so cute and good at his job! Oh, look! He started to talk to a couple of good-looking girls! I hope he’s getting his flirt on!”

(Moment of silence.)

Roommate: “I am the complete opposite of a jealous girlfriend…”

(We both laughed, and she continued to fawn over him the rest of the time.)

Escalating Problems

| New Zealand | Dating

(When I was little, I had an irrational fear of being sucked into the escalator if I didn’t promptly get off when I reached the top or bottom. That fear has stayed with me even after 20 years. When my boyfriend found out about this, he started deliberately pausing at the end of the escalator, causing me to panic and crash into him. He does this one day for the umpteenth time.)

Me: “You have to stop doing that! You know how much I hate being blocked on the escalator.” *sulks*

Boyfriend: “Aww, don’t be mad. Do you know why I block you at the end?”

Me: “Because you’re evil.”

Boyfriend: “Because you run out of room to move and have no choice but to hug me. And I like it when you hug me.”

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