Chewing The Fat With The One You Love

| Tampa, FL, USA | Boyfriend/Girlfriend

(I’ve been gaining a little weight lately and have been sensitive about it. My boyfriend and I are splitting a chicken meal at the mall food court.)

Me: *removing a fatty piece of chicken from my mouth* “Ugh. Bad piece.”

Boyfriend: “This is nice. I’ve really missed eating this chicken.”

Me: *removing another fatty piece from my mouth* “Another one!”

Boyfriend: “Aww, I’m sorry you keep getting fat.”

Me: “…”

Boyfriend: “Wow… um… that sounded bad, didn’t it?”

(Of course I knew what he meant, and we both had a pretty good laugh about it.)

Eh, Romance…

| Melbourne, VIC, Australia | Proposals

(My brother is walking through a shopping complex with the woman who has been his girlfriend since high school. They are now in their early 20s. They walk past a jewellry store and there is a sale with 50% off on rings.)

Brother: *turns to his girlfriend and says* “I suppose I should get you one of those, eh?”

(And that is the story of the least romantic proposal of anyone I’ve ever known.)

The Terrible Star Trek Twos

| Logan, UT, USA | Marriage & Partners

(We have a toddler whose middle name is Tiberius.)

Husband: “If we ever have another boy, we should name him James. Leonard James.”

Me: “That’s actually not too bad. I like the name.”

Husband: “And then if we have ANOTHER boy, we can name him Kirk.”

Me: “I don’t really like the name Kirk.”

Husband: “No, you don’t understand. We have to name him Kirk.”

Me: “Wait…”

Husband: “So then we could have James Tiberius Kirk! And then if I become an officer and get to the rank of captain in the army, we could be Captain James Tiberius Kirk!”

Hit You Back

| NY, USA | Flirting, Popular

(I’m working the cash register at a small shop. A small group of rowdy teens are outside making derogatory comments about women who walk by. Two girls around their age pass by.)

Boy #1: *whistles*

Boy #2: “Yo-oh.”

Boy #3: “I’d hit that”

Girl: *turns around and eyes him critically* “Well, I wouldn’t.”

Worthless Is Priceless

| KY, USA | Dating, Popular

(My boyfriend and I have had an exhausting day and are deciding on where to eat. We end up in front of a map of the mall and are perusing our choices. We are both also college students and are on a tight budget.)

Boyfriend: “There’s, like, [very expensive place only meant for special occasions], but…

Me: “You wouldn’t take me to [same place]?”

Boyfriend: “Babe, that’s like $50.”

Me: “You mean I’m not worth $50 to you?”

Boyfriend: “Of course you’re worth $50.”

Me: “I’m only worth $50?”

Boyfriend: *at this point is very flustered and keeps digging himself into a deeper hole* “No! You’re not worth anything!” *immediately realizes what he just said and assumes a look of horror while I’m cracking up*

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