Be Happy That Love Is Blind

| Birmingham, England, UK | Advice, Popular

Colleague: “I’m going on a date tonight!”

Me: “Nice! Good luck!”

Colleague: “He’s a friend of a friend. Never actually met him before.”

Me: “Blind?”

Colleague: *chuckles, sarcastically* “Very funny.”

Me: *realising what that sounded like* “No, no, no! I meant, ‘Is it a blind date?’ not, ‘Is he blind?’!”


Divorced From Reality

| AB, Canada | Engaged, Infidelity, Popular

(I work at a registry office. We get a lot of phone calls for various services and we prefer if the client calls before they arrive unprepared. Some calls are better than others.)

Me: “Hi, this is [Company]. How can I help you?”

Client: “I need to know what I need to obtain a marriage license.”

Me: “Sure. First of all, both parties will need to be here in person with ID. In addition, if either of you have been married before, we require that you provide a copy of your divorce documents.”

Client: “Oh. Is there any way around that last part?”

Me: “Uh… no, sir. You cannot get married if you can’t prove that your previous marriage was dissolved.”

Client: “Well, see, I don’t want my fiancé to know that I was married before.”

Me: “Uh…” *shocked silence* “I’m sorry, sir, there is no way around that.”

Client: “Okay. Well, thanks anyway.”

(I foresee a long and prosperous relationship in their future.)

She’ll Make You Valentine’s Pay

| Chicago, IL, USA | Advice, Popular, Theme Of The Month

(As a recent college graduate, I am currently living at home with my parents and two younger brothers. It’s the day before Valentine’s day, and one of my brothers has some extra spy-themed valentines. I decide to take them to work, and write one for everyone in the office, and attach a piece of candy to it. On Friday I hand them out. My boss isn’t in yet, so I just leave it on his desk. Later I check in on him.)

Boss: “Hey, thanks for the valentine.”

Me: “Yeah, no problem. I liked handing them out!”

Boss: “It was a reminder that Valentine’s day is tomorrow, and I didn’t get my wife anything, so I’m just going to reuse your valentine.”

(He hands me the valentine where I see he crossed my name off and wrote his, and where his name was he wrote his wife’s name.)

Boss: “And I ate the candy you gave me, so I’m giving her this instead.” *he shows me a cough drop* “Do you think it’ll be good enough?”

Me: “Ha, no way. You’re going to have to take her to fancy dinner after giving her that!”

(I talked to him the Monday after, and it turned out he really did give it to her! She ended up throwing the cough drop at him, but he made up with flowers and dinner.)

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