A De-Lecter-bly Bad Joke

| Austria | Boyfriend/Girlfriend, Popular, Punny

(A friend introduces her new boyfriend:)

Boyfriend: “My name is Hannibal.”

Friend: “He likes me for my brain, not just my beauty.”

Bouncy Bouncy!

| Italy | Marriage & Partners, Popular

(Due to work, I’ve been away from home for a week at this time, and I’m about to go home again. My husband has sent me an SMS, but it’s gibberish since he spoke in Italian while the phone was set to English. It also should be noted, we’re both Monty Python fans.)

Husband: *texting* “Carrier pot restive deer say Hannover afro high in offer to all duty free?”

Me: *texting back* “My hovercraft is full of eels!”

Husband: *texting back once more* “My eel is waiting for your return.”

Making A Mountain Out Of The Proposal

| Switzerland | Dating, Proposals

(My boyfriend and I are hiking the Eiger Trail after a lot of sacrifices getting there in the first place. We have been together for 14 years and he is a bit of a commitment-phobe. I am not big on getting married, so the subject of marriage has never been discussed. We are both avid mountaineers and have been very excited for this hike, planning to climb the actual mountain next year. I want to sit down and enjoy the view but he insists on only stopping right at the base of the famous north face that we are both a bit obsessed about, and makes me climb on a boulder and rest. Then…)

Boyfriend: “Maybe it is the altitude that is messing with my mind but…” *pulls out a plastic ring that had sealed a bag with food for the hike and a small bouquet of mountain flowers* “… would you make me the honor of being my wife?”

Me: *speechless and then laughing hysterically* “Yes, but you better not have altitude sickness and not remember this tomorrow!”

Hanging With The Old Ball And Chain

| Stockholm, Sweden | Dating

(I’m wearing high heels while on a walk with my boyfriend even though I’m not used to them.)

Me: “Slow down! I keep tripping!”

Boyfriend: “Don’t be tripping balls, baby!”

Me: “Stop waving balls in my face.”

Boyfriend: “Never!”

The Breakup From Another World

| Ontario, CA, USA | Dating

(I am at the park with a guy I’ve recently started seeing and we are talking about relationships, when we get onto the topic of breakups.)

Me: “Well, this one guy I was seeing broke up with me over text. Don’t do that; it will just make me mad at you. If you don’t want to do it in person AT LEAST pick up the phone and call me.”

Guy: “Well, I have this crazy notion that maybe my next relationship won’t end at all. Unless we encounter something really wrong that we can’t get past.” *thinks* “Like if I find out you’re actually an alien using me to create and protect your alien babies while you overthrow humanity.”

Me: *bursts out laughing*

Guy: “In that situation I’d come see you with my ion gun, and be like “Look, you’re really great and I’ve really enjoyed being around you, but this can’t work out. I’m sorry.” and then I’d have to vaporize you.”

Me: “Wow, that’s harsh. Couldn’t just let me go in peace?”

Guy: “Well, you ARE trying to overthrow the human race!”

Me: “…Maybe you should break up with me over text…”

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