Mistaking The Missus For The Mistress

| Missouri, USA | Hall of Fame, Infidelity, Marriage & Partners, Popular, Top

(A waitress friend of mine has a couple who regularly comes in and jokes a lot together. One day, the man comes in with a different woman. This occurs as she’s getting ready to give them their check.)

Waitress: “You come back soon!”

Male customer: “I will.”

Waitress: *joking* “Oh, and you better be careful or I’ll have to tell your wife you were here with another woman.”

Female customer: “I am his wife. Who has he been here with?”

Waitress: “…I’ll take care of your check now.”

This Is The Definition You Are Looking For

| Melbourne, VIC, Australia | Dating, Popular

(It’s the third date or so. As is my habit, I make a typical reference to a property such as Star Wars.)

Date: “You’re a bit of a geek, aren’t you?”

Me: “Well, actually, a geek was a carnival sideshow where the performer would bite the head off a live chicken for the entertainment of the crowd.”

Date: “Do you realise how much of a geek you are for knowing what a geek actually is?”

(We’ve now been married for nine years.)

Making Drinking An Art Form

| Minneapolis, MN, USA | Marriage & Partners, Popular

(This takes place in a hotel bar. A husband and wife have entered from the hotel side before seeing the sights. We were all very jealous of their plans for the day.)

Husband: “How ’bout a glass of wine before we head to the art institute?”

Wife: “Only one?”

Husband: “Well… one… each… to start.”

Wife: “That’s better.”

The Tricky Currents Of A Stormy Relationship

| PA, USA | Dating, Popular

(My boyfriend and I are attending a holiday lunch for his bell ringing group, which he recently rejoined after a couple of years. The last time he was part of it was when he was with his now ex-wife. Part of the lunch includes an annual meeting, so the ring master gets everyone’s attention and makes announcements.)

Ring Master: “Well, a lot of you may not know our newest addition, [My Name], who is not a ringer yet. She’s [Boyfriend]’s current girlfriend…”

(I get an incredulous look on my face, and the room bursts into laughter.)

Me: “Current? Really?”

Ring Master: *trying to recover* “Well, he was with someone else last time…”

Other Ringer: “It’s okay, [My Name]. You’re the best one.”

Boyfriend: “…For now.”

(I proceeded to pretend to thwack him on the back of the head.)

Valentine’s Pay

, | Neuquén, Argentina | Advice

(I’m the customer in this one. It’s Valentine’s Day, and although is not a really celebrated holiday in my country, the company is American. I have already ordered and I’m about to pay when the cashier smiles at me and makes me a question.)

Cashier: “Are you in love?”

(I was rejected by my crush two weeks ago, so the question doesn’t make me happy at all.)

Me: “No, not really…”

Cashier: *bummed* “…I’ll give you the discount anyway. I hate having to ask that.”

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