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Will Suddenly Find Himself Out-Of-Date

| USA | Dating, Popular

(I was asked out on a date by a guy that seemed a bit weird, but perfectly normal. For some reason, maybe nervousness, he starts talking nonstop.)

Date: *discussing adult films*

Me: “That’s not appropriate.”

Date: *starts talking his bed habits*

Me: “That’s nice?”

Date: *gets out phone and starts reciting lyrics at me*

Me: “Please stop.”

(Thankfully the food comes, but my date started wolfing it down with his hands like a dog, burping and farting loudly, STILL talking.)

Date: “We should go to a hotel together.”

Me: “Are you serious? Yeah, I’m going to go.”

Date: “Why? Don’t you think I’m hot?”

Me: “No.” *leaves*

(He had the nerve to text me, asking for numbers of any of my single girlfriends! I stayed away from dating men for a while after that. Maybe he was trying to amuse me, but I wasn’t amused…)

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What Your Uterus Can Do To Us

| MA, USA | Exes/Old Flames, Popular

(My ex is trans and was living as male for most of our relationship; however, about a year before we broke up she started her transition. We first started dating in high school, and around that time, I would have horrific period pain, sometimes to the point of immobility. I was able to identify and overcome the cause of it, but it was quite memorable. Some time after our break up, we are out to dinner and discussing how she feels about her transition so far.)

Me: “If I die young, I’ll leave you my uterus in my will.”

Ex: “I don’t want YOURS! I’ve seen what it’s done to you!”

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Some Proper Meaty Puns

| Elk Grove, CA, USA | Boyfriend/Girlfriend, Punny

(My boyfriend and I are doodling on paper while we wait for our food. We both love puns.)

Me: “I luff you!”

Boyfriend: “Meat loaf you, too.”

(I think he’s a keeper!)

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