Don’t Write Fake Flipping Checks

| Marysville, CA, USA | Flirting/How We Met

(I am about five months pregnant with my first child. I am chatting with a customer who is at least 20 years older than me and find out my baby’s due date is the same day as his birthday. After that he always comes in and speaks to me.)

Customer: “Look what I got today.”

(He shows me an envelope that looks like a life insurance offer, complete with fake check for $100,000.)

Customer: “This is an advance on my record studio contract.”

Me: *pretending to believe him* “Oh, that’s great! I’m so happy for you!”

Customer: *hands me a note* “Here, just read this. I’ll see you later.”

(When I go on my break, I read the note in which the customer has offered to give me half of his check, $50,000, if I would just sleep with him once. He is old and lonely, and I could finally marry my man (I have been married five years), go to college, and quit flipping burgers. I show my manager, and all she has to say is:)

Manager: “We don’t flip burgers. We char-broil them!”

Paying The Price Of Corniness

| IA, USA | Dating

(My boyfriend and I are out to eat. I happen to look down at my drink and the foam has randomly made a shape of an arrow.)

Me: “Hey, look! There’s an arrow in my drink.”

Boyfriend: “And it’s pointing at me; it must be a sign.”

Me: “Of what? Who’s going to pay?”

Boyfriend: “…Ouch.”

Shut Up You Butt-Head!

| Bloomington, MN, USA | Dating

(I have what some people call a “butt chin” and my boyfriend and I are just finishing eating.)

Me: “Ugh. I don’t feel good now. I ate too much.”

Boyfriend: “You gonna poop out of your chin? You’d feel better!”

Me: *speechless*

Boyfriend: “I said that out loud, didn’t I?”

Me: “Yes. Yes, you did.”

A Warming Friendtionship

| PA, USA | Flirting/How We Met

(My best friend and are I are incredibly close, to the point where people think we are dating. My friend is male, while I am female. We go out on weekly dinner dates during school, and this happens on one of our ‘dates.’)

Me: “You know, [Mutual Friend] asked me yesterday if we were ‘a thing.'”

Him: “Yeah, my parents asked my sister the same thing.”

Me: “Are we not allowed to have friends of the opposite gender without getting asked if we are together?

(At this point I pretend to lay down on the table in exasperation and he grabs my hands to warm his own hands up. He continues to hold my hands across that table until he feels his hands are adequately warm.)

Me: “You know, this might be why people think we are dating…”

Him: “I was thinking the same thing!”

Mickey Maus

| Atascadero, CA, USA | Dating

(My boyfriend and I are just leaving a restaurant after dinner. Over the course of the weekend we have had several different conversations about WWII Japan and the U.S.S.R. about war atrocities and the experiments they performed.)

Boyfriend: “Okay, lets talk about something different, something happy. Like Disneyland!”

Me: *absentmindedly* “Yeah… like Mickey, Goofey and Donald going in with shotguns and blowing them away…”

(My boyfriend starts laugh and smiling as he grabs me in a hug.)

Boyfriend: “And this is why I love you!”