Missed A Step On The Way To Relationship

| Chicago, IL, USA | Crush, Non-Dialogue

I am in seventh grade, and a new boy has started at our school. He is just adorable, with silky, blond hair and big blue eyes.

Of course I, like all the other girls, fall in love.

One day, while classes are in session, this boy and I both happen to have a hall pass to run some errand or other. I am on the third floor, headed down, he on the second, headed up.

So I think… I’ll make an impression; we can chat for a bit. I whip off my glasses (which I had just started wearing over the summer), and sashay down to meet my love.

And miss a step.

And fall down the rest of the stairs, ending right at his feet. Horrified, he asks if I am okay, and I CAN NOT SPEAK. I am dying of embarrassment.

After he figured out I was okay, we parted, but I literally did not, could not, speak to him for six months.

Cradle To The Grave

| Canada | Boyfriend/Girlfriend

(Being a non-native speaker of English, I confuse my words quite often, especially when I’m hungry. This was one of the best examples of this phenomena. I am just coming out from the ladies’.)

Boyfriend: “Hey.” *points at the guy who is down the hall by now* “I just ran into another guy I was in the Physics department with. I’ve been running into old acquaintances all over the place today.”

Me: “Cool.” *starts teasing* “It’s because you have a lot of past now.”

Boyfriend: “…probably.”

Me: “Yeah. Twenty one years of past. About to be twenty two.”

Boyfriend: “Twenty one? Since when?”

Me: “Since birth. Twenty one years of being alive.”

Boyfriend: “I’m not twenty one.”

Me: “Yes, you are. You haven’t had your birthday ye— THIRTY ONE! Thirty one was what I meant. It was thirty one in my head!”

Boyfriend: *starts laughing* “That’s what I thought. Getting back ten years of my life. That sounds nice. Give me my ten years back, [My Name]. I want to be twenty one again.”

Me: “No!”

Boyfriend: “Why not?”

Me: “I don’t want to be forty! You can’t have my ten years!”

Boyfriend: “I didn’t mean I’d take them from you personally.”

Me: “Oh. Still no.”

Boyfriend: “Why not? You don’t want a young, hot, twenty-year-old boyfriend?”

Me: “Ew, no.”

Boyfriend: “Why not? Some twenty-year-olds can be pretty mature.”

Me: “I don’t want to feel like a grave robber— CRADLE ROBBER! Grave robber is something completely different!”

Boyfriend: *laughs harder* “That’d be dating a really old guy.”

Me: *laughing* “That’d be dating a cradle robber.”

Can’t Take That Bach

| ON, Canada | Boyfriend/Girlfriend, Punny

(My boyfriend and I are at school and he is packing up his locker, looking for a specific music book.)

Me: “Ready to go?”

Boyfriend: “Just a minute… Found it!” *pulls out Bach music book*

Me: *giant grin* “Soooo… you couldn’t find that book at first, right?”

Boyfriend: “Yeah?”

Me: “So it was lost… And now it’s Bach?”

harassment

Hopefully They’ll All Die Out One Day

| CA, USA | Harassment

(I am out jogging when I stop in front of a middle school to take a breather. There’s a rather attractive young girl folding origami while she waits for her ride home.)

Boy: *sitting next to her* “Hey, baby, what else can you do with your hands?”

Girl: *a little weirded out, starts putting away origami* “Lotsa things, I guess…”

Boy: “Wanna know what I can do with my hands? Squeeze the t*ts of a sexy babe like you.”

Girl: *starts clapping and bouncing up and down* “Yes! I need a picture! I’ve finally found Homo Sapien es F**kboy, trying and failing to get a girlfriend!”

Boy: “What…?”

Girl: *takes a picture of the boy, flounces away to car*

(More girls like this, please!)

Present Company Not Accepted

| ME, USA | Dating, Popular

(My girlfriend and I and a couple of our friends are sitting together at lunch. Somehow we’re discussing my past relationships. My ex-boyfriend broke up with me upon realizing he was gay. I’m a girl.)

Me: “I’ve only dated two people!”

Girlfriend: “Yeah, and one of them was gay!”

Me: “Well, technically…”

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