One Of The DVDs Should Have Been ‘What Women Want’

| Peterborough, England, UK | Flirting/How We Met

(I’m about a half hour into a four-hour shift and it’s the end of my work week, so I’m not totally with it. My till is fairly empty, but there are queues forming either side of me. I get the attention of a customer on the till opposite me and he comes over. I put his three DVDs through the till with some general chit-chat, and he starts packing up the DVDs in a backpack.)

Customer: “Do you have a name?”

Me: “It’s on my badge.”

Customer: “How old are you?”

Me: “23.”

Customer: “That’s the same age as me. Do you have a number?”

Me: “Err… why?”

Customer: “Isn’t it obvious?”

Me: “Not really.”

(At this point, I turn to the next customer in the line. My DVD customer is STILL bagging his items.)

Me: “Would you possibly be able to shuffle round so I can serve these customers?”

Customer: “I don’t get why you won’t give me your number.”

Me: “I don’t get why you don’t get that I don’t give out my number to random strangers, sir.”

Mew Mew Pew Pew

| AR, USA | Marriage & Partners

(I’m on the phone with my wife:)

Wife: “Your cat… YOUR CAT has the stinkiest farts!”

Me: “I don’t have any cats. They’re your cats.”

(We play this game all the time, whenever the cats are naughty.)

Wife: “As stinky as her farts are, I’m pretty sure this has to be your cat.”

Me: “…well played.”

When Domesticating Your Man Has Gone Too Far

| Ireland | Dating

(My boyfriend and I are getting groceries, and I decide to wear sexy lingerie.)

Me: *seductively* “I am not wearing any underwear.”

Boyfriend: “Yeah, me neither; we should really do laundry more often!”

(The saddest part is that he actually meant it!)

His Choice Of Words Is Leaning Towards Abstinence

| England, UK | Dating, Fights/Breakups

(I have recently given birth to our first child, and as we are not wanting another yet, my boyfriend and I go to our local supermarket to buy condoms. We are looking at condoms which are about £10 for a decent pack.)

Boyfriend: “S***! £10! That’s well bad. They never used to be that expensive did they?”

Me: “I don’t know. Are you wanting to get some?”

Boyfriend: “I don’t know. It’s not really worth £10 just to have sex with you.”

Knows How To Express How He Feels

| Tampa, FL, USA | Dating

(One of my guy friends has asked me out on a date after admitting he’s had a crush on me for several months. Since the crush is mutual, I accept. It’s the day before the date, and I’m at work (part-time cashier), in a great mood.)

Customer: “You don’t have to go on break anytime soon, do you? I’ve got a massive order.”

Me: “Nope, I actually just got off break, so you’re fine.”

Customer: “Great!” *I start scanning items* “So, are you looking forward to the weekend?”

Me: “Yes! I have a date this weekend that I’m really excited about. And you?”

Customer: “Having a family get-together; a really big one, obviously!”

(10 minutes later, they’re still going on this huge order.)

Customer: “I forgot something! Can I—”

Me: “Sure.” *customer runs off, and I spot my guy friend/date at the end of the line* “Hey! I thought you were at work!”

Guy friend: “Nah, I work the late shift today. Just stopping in to pick up some dinner and see you!” *grins*

Me: “Aw! You’re so great.” *big, stupid smile on my face*

Customer: “Okay, I’m back. So sorry about that.” *sees my guy at the end of the line* “Oh, you only have two items. You know, I have a really big order, so you might want to go to the express lane.”

Guy friend: “I’m cool here.”

Customer: “No, seriously, she’s in the middle of my order, and you don’t want to be standing here for a long time.”

Guy friend: “Really, it’s okay.”

Customer: “The express lane has no line!”

Me: “No, no, he’s fine! He’s here to-”

Guy friend: “I’m here to see her.” *points at me*

Customer: *looks at me, then looks at my guy* “Oh. Oh! I am so sorry! Never mind, you stay right there!”

(My guy did stay there—for another 10 minutes while I rang up the rest of the customer’s order!)

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