Oh, My Gourd!

| Washington, DC, USA | Boyfriend/Girlfriend, LGBTQ, Popular

(My boyfriend and I, both male, are in a supermarket. I’m having issues with allergies that have made my eyes red and sore. We’re buying a cucumber so I can put cucumber slices over my eyes. Note: the area we are in has a large gay population.)

Boyfriend: *looking through the cucumbers* “Let’s make sure we get a good one so we can eat it afterward!”

Me: “…”

Everyone Else: “…”

One Of The DVDs Should Have Been ‘What Women Want’

| Peterborough, England, UK | Flirting

(I’m about a half hour into a four-hour shift and it’s the end of my work week, so I’m not totally with it. My till is fairly empty, but there are queues forming either side of me. I get the attention of a customer on the till opposite me and he comes over. I put his three DVDs through the till with some general chit-chat, and he starts packing up the DVDs in a backpack.)

Customer: “Do you have a name?”

Me: “It’s on my badge.”

Customer: “How old are you?”

Me: “23.”

Customer: “That’s the same age as me. Do you have a number?”

Me: “Err… why?”

Customer: “Isn’t it obvious?”

Me: “Not really.”

(At this point, I turn to the next customer in the line. My DVD customer is STILL bagging his items.)

Me: “Would you possibly be able to shuffle round so I can serve these customers?”

Customer: “I don’t get why you won’t give me your number.”

Me: “I don’t get why you don’t get that I don’t give out my number to random strangers, sir.”

Mew Mew Pew Pew

| AR, USA | Marriage & Partners

(I’m on the phone with my wife:)

Wife: “Your cat… YOUR CAT has the stinkiest farts!”

Me: “I don’t have any cats. They’re your cats.”

(We play this game all the time, whenever the cats are naughty.)

Wife: “As stinky as her farts are, I’m pretty sure this has to be your cat.”

Me: “…well played.”

When Domesticating Your Man Has Gone Too Far

| Ireland | Dating

(My boyfriend and I are getting groceries, and I decide to wear sexy lingerie.)

Me: *seductively* “I am not wearing any underwear.”

Boyfriend: “Yeah, me neither; we should really do laundry more often!”

(The saddest part is that he actually meant it!)

His Choice Of Words Is Leaning Towards Abstinence

| England, UK | Dating, Fights/Breakups

(I have recently given birth to our first child, and as we are not wanting another yet, my boyfriend and I go to our local supermarket to buy condoms. We are looking at condoms which are about £10 for a decent pack.)

Boyfriend: “S***! £10! That’s well bad. They never used to be that expensive did they?”

Me: “I don’t know. Are you wanting to get some?”

Boyfriend: “I don’t know. It’s not really worth £10 just to have sex with you.”

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