Finish Your Essay Or Bust, Literally

| New Zealand | Dating, LGBTQ, Long Distance, Popular

(I’m asexual, meaning I don’t experience sexual attraction or lust. I’m also currently struggling to finish an essay for university. My partner and I, both women, are long distance at the moment, and usually talk via IM. I realize I’ve been missing hearing her voice.)

Me: “We need to Skype properly sometime. Maybe that can be my reward for when I finish this darned essay.”

Girlfriend: “Yeah, you need to do that. I’d offer something slutty like ‘I’ll get my boobs out’ but YOU’RE ON THE INTERNET. THERE’S PLENTY OF BOOBS!”

Me: “Plus I’m not boobs motivated, but nice thought.”

Girlfriend: “I’ll make you look at my boobs if you don’t finish your essay!”

A Whole New Level Of Mushy Love

| Westchester, NY, USA | Dating

(I am at work, talking to my boyfriend about our plans for later that night. We are going to a movie theater that also serves a variety of food and drinks to you at your seat.)

Me: “I may have to pick my meal based on mushiness. I got a bunch of teeth drilled this morning and it kinda hurts when I chew.”

Boyfriend: “Aww, babe. I’ll chew it for you!”

Me: “More gross than romantic, but thanks.”

Boyfriend: “I’d say it’s 50/50.”

Speed-Walked Right Into That One

| Seattle, WA, USA | Dating, Popular

(My boyfriend and I are long distance, so tend to go all-out when we can get together. This is an exchange over IM the day after he went back home.)

Me: “I can’t speed walk as fast as I normally do.”

Boyfriend: “If that’s from what I think it is, it’s a point of pride and concern at the same time.”

It Will All Turn To S*** Later

| NY, USA | Advice, Popular

(I have a history of not so great relationships, but I’ve started dating someone who seems really great. I am texting my friend.)

Me: “Something weird is happening. I feel happy.”

Friend: “It’s probably indigestion.”

Wish The Real One Would Disappear After Six Seconds

| IL, USA | Dating, Popular

(I recently started dating a new guy, so we are finding each other over social media. This occurred after friending each other on Snapchat.)

Guy: *sends a screenshot of the Google image search of Dick Cheney* “I heard Snapchat is for dick pics.”

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