Beginning To See Why They Broke Up

| USA | Exes/Old Flames

Me: “[Ex], I am a sissy. Motivate me to not suck so much.”

Ex: “Stop being a b****, b****.”


What The Peck Are You Talking About?

| Portland, OR, USA | Marriage & Partners

(I recently learned the smiley for penis and was waiting for an opportunity to show off. My husband was taking our car to the shop before heading to work and sent me a message in the group chat with his mom.)

Husband: “Made it to work.”

Me: “I love you.”

Mother-In-Law: “A bushel and a peck, though I am not sure what ‘peck’ means.”

Me: *not aware who I am talking to or that it is a group chat* “8===D derived from the word ‘pecker.’”

Husband: “I am fairly certain that’s not the way they meant this phrase.”

Me: “But it should suffice.”

Mother-In-Law: “I am sure that it is not what it means but I love that [My Name] is so confident to write it here.”

(At this point, Husband sends me a separate message informing that I sent a message in a group chat.)


Dating A Baller

| The Netherlands | Boyfriend/Girlfriend

(I recently got a new boyfriend, and very early on he confided in me that he lost one testicle due to testicular torsion, which he’s very insecure about. He’s a virgin and while I’m not, I’ve made it clear that I’m not ready to sleep with him yet.)

Me: “I just want you to know that it’s not your fault I’m not ready yet.”

Boyfriend: “Honey, it’s okay. Take your time. I can wait.”

Me: “It’s just that I feel really awkward being naked. I’m very insecure about my body.”

Boyfriend: *deadpan* “I only have one testicle. So am I.”

Me: “Fair point. Let’s be awkward together.”


A Little Sip Of Love

, | San Diego, CA, USA | Boyfriend/Girlfriend

(I work in a brewery and I usually have different work hours than my girlfriend but she works ten minutes away from my work.)

Me: *texting* “Hey. I ran out of snacks. You mind bringing me some food over?”

Girlfriend: *texting* “Yeah. Sure.”

(Ten to fifteen minutes later.)

Girlfriend: *texting* “Hey. I’m in the tasting room!”

(I run to the tasting room to find her drinking a beer.)

Me: “Hey! Wait, where’s my food?”

Girlfriend: *pulls out a pop-tart* “There you go!”

Me: *realizes* “You just drove here for a beer, huh?”

Girlfriend: “Nooooo…” *takes sip* “It was because I love you!”


Only Airbenders Get Flying Bison

| Boston, MA, USA | Boyfriend/Girlfriend

(My boyfriend is from the UK, while I’m from the US. Consequently, we have the occasional cultural difference. After a couple years I think we’ve ironed everything out, and then this happens.)

Boyfriend: “So bison and buffalo are the same thing?”

Me: “No, but close enough.”

Boyfriend: “But, tell me, where do the wings come into all this?”

Me: “From Buffalo, New York.”

Boyfriend: “Huh? So what are they made of? The wings?”

Me: “Chicken!”

Boyfriend: “They ARE wings, right?”

Me: “They’re wings!”

Boyfriend: “Phew. At least one thing was true.”

Me: “Why, what did you think was the case?”

Boyfriend: “That they were made of buffalo, but they weren’t wings because buffalo don’t have wings…”

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