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Don’t Count On Him To Listen

| London, England, UK | Dating

(We’re in a long-distance relationship and catching up on Facetime at the end of the day. I already told him my plans for the next day but he asks me what they are again.)

Me: “You don’t listen to me.”

Boyfriend: “Sorry, I promise to try to listen to you… Won’t be 100%, though. Maybe 75%.”

Me: “75?! Not even 80!”

Boyfriend: “Yeah, I predict I won’t listen well 35% of the time.”

Me: *starts cracking up* “That’s even worse! 100 minus 35 is 65, sweetie. I love you.”

Boyfriend: “I know I’m bad at counting…”

Me: “How are you an engineer?!”

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His Love For You Can Move Mountains

| CA, USA | Dating, Popular

(I am at work. My boyfriend of nearly seven years is preparing to go on a hike up a mountain with his friend where he’ll have no reception on his phone. I have been texting him about my period and how much pain I’m in, especially since I’ve forgotten to bring my Excedrin with me. Just as he’s about to start the hike, he figures out a way to take my mind off the pain.)

Boyfriend: “Going up mountain. I will make an offering to the period goddess at the summit for you.”

Me: “That would be swell!”

(He’s definitely a keeper!)

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Until Undeath Do Us Part, Part 63

| USA | Marriage & Partners, Zombies

(My partner and I are in a long-distance relationship, and are chatting over text.)

Me: “What would you do if I was bitten by a zombie?”

Partner: “Feed you my enemies’ brains.”

Me: “Okay, then…”

Partner: *starts petting me* “My pet zombie…”

Related:
Until Undeath Do Us Part, Part 62
Until Undeath Do Us Part, Part 61
Until Undeath Do Us Part, Part 60

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