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    The Love Cycle

    | Berkeley, CA, USA | Engaged

    (My fiancé and I are cuddling in bed. I am cold because I’ve just jumped under the covers. I cling to her tightly.)

    Me: “Brrrrrr. And burr. And burrow. I burrow into you and cling like a burr because brrrrrr. Maybe I could be the burr in our relationship, because then I would cling to you and never let you go. But I wouldn’t want to be a burr because then I would poke you and hurt you and you’d toss me off and put your clothes in the laundry after hiking. Besides, then all that would sprout from our relationship would be ugly burr bushes.”

    Fiancé: “There are some soft burrs, like in prairie grass. And they have pretty flowers that you could sprout.”

    Me: “Ooooh, yes! I could be a soft cuddly burr. But no, I don’t want to be a burr because then I would be a passive participant in our relationship, just clinging along for the ride, and you would have to cast me away from you for anything to sprout from our relationship.” *pause* “I love that we are talking about our relationship in terms of prairie ecology.”

    Fiancé: “Does that mean that therapy is controlled burns?”

    Me: “Yes! We could be those prairie grasses with deep entwined roots that survive fire. We would create a stable and enduring ecology and hold a lot of nutrients and trap water so it cycles into the ecosystem slowly and gently instead of flooding. And drama can be the grazing herbivores that munch on the leaves and trample the grasses, but ends up leaving fertilizer in the soil, and more room for sun, and aerating the earth!”

    Fiancé: “I love you.”

    No Longer Virgin White

    | CO, USA | Dating

    (The boyfriend and I are having sex. We’re both still pretty new to this and to each other.)

    Boyfriend: *stops and chuckles* “We are so tragically white. We have no rhythm…”

    (We had to take a break due to me giggling!)

    Love In The Time Of Zombies, Part 7

    | Galveston, TX, USA | Marriage & Partners

    (I’ve just said something pretty silly and corny. My husband gets right in my face, shaking his head ‘no.’ I turn my head side-to-side so our noses brush.)

    Me: “Eskimo kisses?”

    (He then takes a lunge at my nose as if to bite it.)

    Me: “Zombie kisses?”

    Related:
    Love In The Time Of Zombies, Part 6
    Love In The Time Of Zombies, Part 5
    Love In The Time Of Zombies: Christmas Special
    Love In The Time Of Zombies, Part 4
    Love In The Time Of Zombies, Part 3
    Love In The Time Of Zombies, Part 2
    Love In The Time Of Zombies

    He Should Do Stand Up

    | UT, USA | Marriage & Partners

    (While making dinner, I leave the upper cabinet doors open so I can access my spices. My husband is bent over putting away some pots in the lower cabinets.)

    Me: “Honey, don’t stand up.”

    Husband: “Because I’m not the Real Slim Shady?”

    Mambo Italiano

    | Italy | Flirting/How We Met

    (I’m on a trip with my university’s ‘ancient studies’ department to Italy. We’re taking a ferry from the Bay of Naples to Sicily. My friend and I spot a few cute Italian guys our age on board, and I take a liking to one in particular. We run into them later in the night and get chatting. The one I like (Guy #1) speaks the most English, which suits me just fine. Another guy (Guy #2) is being a bit more flirtatious.)

    Guy #2: “You say you have a cabin?”

    Me: “Yes, I share a cabin with someone else on our trip.”

    Guy #2: “Is she there now?”

    Me: “I think she’s at the dance party out on the deck. It’s okay, though. I can guard the room without her.”

    Guy #2: “Would you like someone to stay with you until she comes back?”

    Me: “Um, no, thanks.”

    Guy #2: *points* “Would you like [Guy #3] to go back with you?”

    Me: “Uh… no.”

    Guy #2: *points to himself* “Do you want ME to go back with you?”

    Me: “No, grazie.”

    (Suddenly, Guy #3 gets up and starts saying something very quickly in Italian that I don’t understand. Guy #1 covers his eyes with his hand and sighs.)

    Me: “Sorry, what did he say?”

    Guy #1: “He wants to sing and dance for you.”

    Me: “Oh! Um, that’s okay. He doesn’t have to.”

    Guy #1: *says something in Italian to Guy #3 that I roughly understand as ‘She says no. Sorry, man.’*

    Guy #3: “No, no! I good dancer! Watch!”

    Guy #1: *tells Guy #3 off in Italian again and gives me an apologetic smile* “Sorry about him…”

    (My friend starts laughing and eventually convinces me to go find my cabin-mate. I bump into Guy #1 later and he gave me his number!)


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