(There is a festival on for the weekend. My boyfriend and I go, after spending quite a lot on food.)

Me: “We only spent $30.00 today!”

Him: “I’m so broke. I spend so much every time I’m with you.”

Me: “How often are you out with me!?”

Him: “ENOUGH!”

(My boyfriend and I are discussing plans for Valentine’s Day, and have just decided where to go.)

Me: “I do love the Olive Garden.”

Boyfriend: “Uh-oh, it sounds like I have some competition.”

Me: “Between you and Italian food? You’re doomed.”

(My girlfriend is annoyed with my messy room.)

Girlfriend: “Gosh, this is a like a pig sty. I can never find anything in here.”

Me: “Huh.”

Girlfriend: “I guess you were born to be one. You are a pig in the Chinese zodiac.”

(A couple of minutes later, I do some research.)

Me: “Ha.”

Girlfriend: “What?”

Me: “So, I’m a pig. But, you’re a dog.”

(My boyfriend and I are watching TV, and he has his glasses on. He takes them off at commercial breaks to turn and kiss and talk to me.)

Boyfriend: “I’m getting a headache from taking my glasses on and off.”

Me: “Well, just leave them on. I don’t mind.”

Boyfriend: *in a sweet, loving tone* “But, I don’t want to have my glasses on when I look at you.”

Me: “What?”

Boyfriend: “Crap! No, that’s not what I meant!”

(My partner and I are having a Skype conversation while we are at work.)

Him: “Xoxox zzzz wywywy.”

Me: “Wywywy?”

Him: “Those letters get left out too often.”

(My boyfriend and I are chatting via webcam before bed. I’m complaining about one of my professors.)

Boyfriend: “Just tell me who you want killed, and I’ll do it for you.”

(I am silent.)

Boyfriend: “I’m not hearing names.”

Me: “I’m too tired to be a jerk.”

Boyfriend: “But you’re never too tired to be a jerk!”

(My boyfriend and I often jokingly say ‘risqué’ things to each other.)

Me: “Hey, baby! Want to do something, naughty?”

Boyfriend: *looks up at me innocently* “But, stealing cookies is bad!”

Me: “Oh, I know. But we could have ALL the cookies!”

Boyfriend: “You know, your teeth are really cute sometimes.”

Me: *completely confused* “How, exactly?”

Boyfriend: “They’re like a squirrel’s teeth. Or a bunny rabbit! You’d look funny eating a carrot!”

Me: “Was that meant to be a compliment?”