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    Love In Peas Time

    | Montreal, QC, Canada | Engaged

    (My fiancé and I have been long-distance for six months. I’ve just made arrangements to move so that we’ll be living together after we get married, which was not the original plan. I text him to let him know.)

    Me: “It is done! I feel much better now.”

    Fiancé: “Yay! My wife will be living with me! :)”

    Me: “You get sex! And veggies! :D”

    Fiancé: “Yea– aww. No, overall it’s a win.”

    Office Romance?


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    Writing A Good Bromance

    | NJ, USA | Marriage & Partners

    (My husband and his best friend are very close but most of their conversations involve a lot of mocking and sarcasm. This conversation takes place as I am listening to my husband talk on the phone to his friend. The friend got engaged an hour before this conversation and is asking my husband to be his best man.)

    Husband: “Of course. I’m so happy for you guys.” *pause while he listens* “Okay, yeah. I’ll see you next week.” *pause* “Okay. Yeah, I love you, too. Bye.”

    (He hangs up. He looks over to see me staring at him bug-eyed.)

    Husband: “What?”

    Me: “Did you guys just casually say ‘I love you?'”

    Husband: “Yeah…”

    Me: “Do you do that often?”

    Husband: “Sometimes. When we have a meaningful emotional conversation.”

    Me: “When do you do that? I’ve never heard you do that!”

    Husband: “When it’s just the two of us! I don’t know! Why are you making fun of me?!”

    Me: “I’m not making fun of you. That’s the cutest thing I’ve ever seen.”

    Husband: “Shut up.”

    Me: “You looooooovvve each other!”

    Husband: *blushing and running out of the room* “Shut uuuuuupppp!”

    I’m Gonna Star Wreck You

    | Edinburgh, Scotland, UK | Dating

    (I’ve just shown my girlfriend this story, and decide to improve upon it slightly.)

    Me: “I boldly love you where no man has loved before!”

    Girlfriend: “That… sounds kinda disturbing, actually.”

    Me: “Yeah, like… 50 Shades of Grey levels of disturbing.”

    A Periodic Lack Of Understanding

    | UK | Dating

    (My boyfriend and I are driving back from a gig, we’re tired and silly and he suddenly decides to get his head around tampons vs pads. He’s failing.)

    Me: “Periods are just a pain in the ass, really.”

    Boyfriend: “Technically, they’re a pain in the vagina.”

    Me: “…”


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