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    Blanket Response To Sleep Talking

    | Canada | Marriage & Partners

    (My husband has a habit of talking in his sleep, with often amusing outcomes. This happens early one Saturday morning.)

    Husband: *looks over at me under two blankets* “You, with all those blankets… you look like a mammoth.”

    Me: “…what?”

    Husband: “You probably think I’m sleep-talking… but I’m not.”

    Me: “Okay…”

    Husband: *snore*

    I Love You To Death, Part 2

    | CA, USA | Dating

    (I am hanging out at my boyfriend’s apartment after we’ve both just gotten off work. I usually have evening plans every night of the week. Note: ‘kill things violently’ is a phrase I use that just means playing video games.)

    Boyfriend: “So, what are your plans for tonight?”

    Me: “I don’t really have any. There’s a dinner I could go to, but it started a few minutes ago and I don’t feel like walking in late.”

    Boyfriend: “Wow. So what are you going to do with yourself?”

    Me: “Well, I was thinking I could just hang out here for a while and kill things violently while in the same room as you.”

    Boyfriend: “Oh, yes. We know how to romance.”

    Related:
    I Love You To Death

    His Brain Must Have Y2K

    | MO, USA | Dating

    (It’s New Year’s, and the clock has just struck midnight a short time before. I give my boyfriend a phone call.)

    Me: “Happy New Year! What are you up to?”

    Boyfriend: “Oh, I’m just playing a computer game. I’m getting pretty tired though. I think I might go to bed soon.”

    (We talk for several more minutes and it becomes very obvious he’s very tired and needs to go to bed.)

    Me: “Okay, well, I’m going to let you go. You need to get off the computer and go to bed.”

    Boyfriend: “HOW DID YOU KNOW I WAS ON THE COMPUTER?!”

    (He had no memory of any of this afterwards.)

    It’s Not Quite Paris

    | TX, USA | Dating

    (My boyfriend and I are sitting together after a minor argument.)

    Boyfriend: “Well, at least we both agree on which way the toilet paper roll goes.”

    Me: “Yes… I suppose we will always have that.”

    Doesn’t Fancy Your Morning Routine

    | Reno, NV, USA | Marriage & Partners

    (My alarm has just woken me; my husband is a notoriously heavy sleeper.)

    Me: *shakes his shoulder* “Honey, time to get up.”

    Husband: *drowsily cuddles up to me and buries his face in my boob*

    Me: “Yes, yes, you’re very cute, but it’s time to wake up.”

    (At this point I notice he has begun lazily gesticulating his man-bits against my thigh.)

    Me: “Babe, what are you doing?”

    Husband: *in the sleepiest, sweetest voice ever* “Gettin’ FANCY.”

    (He had no recollection of this when he finally did wake up and has not yet lived down the time he was ‘gettin’ FANCY.’)


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