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    A Flash Of Realisation

    | Devon, England, UK | Marriage & Partners

    (It’s late at night and I’m being overly silly. My husband is getting annoyed so I flash him.)

    Husband: “Why did you flash me?”

    Me: “Because you were getting exasperated with me and these help! It’s like being magic, except with boobs!”

    Husband: “It’s like being with a drunk. Except boobs.”

    Keeping It Clean

    | Tallinn, Estonia | Dating, Family/Kids

    (My sister and her boyfriend are still living apart. I go over to my sister’s to find him there, helping her clean the place. He keeps telling her what to do.)

    Sister: *whining to me* “He’s giving me orders! In my own home!”

    Me: “So? Go to his place and order him around there.”

    Boyfriend: “She already did that. That’s why I’m doing this.”

    Saving On Fuel And Ring Money

    | Portland, ME, USA | Marriage & Partners

    Me: “Well, if I got down on one knee, would that help?”

    Her: “I don’t know if that’s a great idea in the Prius…”

    Me: “Well, too bad. Here.” *gives me a Ring Pop* “Marry me?”

    Using The Lawd’s Name In Vain

    | Boone, NC, USA | Dating

    (It is finals week at my college, where I’m a music student. I’ve just taken an exam that I was nervous about. My professor has just told me my exam grade, and I text my boyfriend excitedly.)

    Me: “An 89 on my music theory final! Praise the lawd!”

    Boyfriend: “Good job, honey!”

    Me: “I am so happy!”

    Boyfriend: “I can tell. You praised the lawd.”

    Trying To A-Mews You

    | Mountain View, CA, USA | Dating

    (I am completely head-over-heels, I-would-give-my-life-to-save-hers in love with my girlfriend, and she knows it. She’s also 16 years older than me and knows I’m insecure about being able to keep her, as she’s a catch I feel is far out of my league. This is the first time I have visited her home:)

    Girlfriend: *teasingly* “Sweetie, do you love me?”

    Me: *frightened* “With all my heart.”

    Girlfriend: “Good, then you won’t mind if the two of us share the bed with Clarence.”

    Me: *blanches and emits frightened squeak*

    Girlfriend: “I think you’ll like him. Here he comes now!”

    (A cat ran into the room. My heart started beating again and I reached down to pet Clarence. He and I are on great terms. And my girlfriend loves me even more because I like her cat.)


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