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  • Not In A Rush To Have Another One
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  • It’s Not Always Moonlight And Roses

    | Lakewood, CO, USA | Marriage & Partners, Theme Of The Month

    (My husband was raised in a family that doesn’t celebrate holidays and grew up never receiving or giving gifts. As a result, he often has a hard time selecting appropriate gifts for me. It’s about a week before Valentine’s Day.)

    Husband: *handing me a single rose* “Happy Valentine’s Day, babe. I thought I’d surprise you by giving you your gift early.”

    Me: “That’s so sweet! Thank you.”

    Husband: “I know it’s just a single rose…”

    Me: “Oh, but a single rose is so romantic. This is perfect.”

    Husband: “…but I sure as hell wasn’t going to spend $50 on a whole dozen! Besides, the cat will just end up eating them and puking them up on the carpet, anyway.”

    Me: “…know when to stop talking, honey.”

    Rebound Your Enthusiasm

    | Galveston, TX, USA | Advice, Fights/Breakups

    (I’m at work when I overhear a couple of teenage girls talking.)

    Girl #1: “Totally nailed it. [Boy]‘s girlfriend just dumped him.”

    (Girl #2 pumps her fist in the air.)

    Girl #2: “Yes! I mean… that’s terrible. I wonder if I can get him on the rebound?”

    Uggly Racism

    | Newport, RI, USA | Dating

    (My boyfriend and I are at a shoe store.)

    Boyfriend: “Are you going to try on some white girl boots?”

    (It took me a few minutes to realize that he was referring to Ugg boots.)

    Feed The Love

    | TX, USA | Marriage & Partners

    (We are having a quiet day at home. Our daughter is asleep, and I just finished cleaning the kitchen after a fantastic dinner I cooked for him.)

    Husband: “I love you.”

    Me: “Why do you love me?”

    Husband: “Because you feed me.”

    See, Hear, Speak, Wear No Evil

    | Adelaide, SA, Australia | Engaged

    (My fiancé picks me up from work and we do some shopping before returning home. He puts the shopping away while I get changed out of my work clothes. He’s dressed all in black and looks rather sharply dressed, whereas I’m a tomboy who just throws on whatever I find that’s clean. I have no sense of style whatsoever.)

    Fiancé: “So, what do you think of my outfit? Does it look okay?

    Me: “Uhm…” *floundering for words*

    Fiancé: “Does it make me look like a pretentious yuppie?”

    Me: “Uh… I was thinking more ‘theatre major.’”

    Fiancé: “A what?”

    Me: “Theatre major. You know… all black, skin tight clothing, one step short of a mime—”

    Fiancé: “D*** it, woman. I was going for ‘evil,’ but not THAT evil!”

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