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  • Love Cures All
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  • When Pillow Talk Gets Dark

    | Slovakia | Dating, Long Distance

    (I am chatting over webcam with my long distance boyfriend. I’m half-way through describing how much I love him.)

    Me: “…sorry, sweetie, I have to stop. I’m going to ask you a weird request.”

    Boyfriend: “Right…”

    Me: “Can you just pick up the pillow directly to your left, and then fluff it, and put it back.”

    Boyfriend: *does this, looking at me like I’m crazy* “So?”

    Me: “No, put it back. Then I’ll tell you.”

    Boyfriend: *puts back the pillow very carefully and precisely, and then looks at me nervously*

    Me: “It’s just it was folded in such a way that it looked like a demon baby face, and I was trying to ignore it but I couldn’t. It was just THERE and I’d try looking at you but my eyes kept looking at it!”

    Boyfriend: *rolls around in tears laughing at me for at least 30 seconds* “Oh, I think I love you even more!”

    There Is No On Switch

    | San Diego, CA, USA | Flirting/How We Met, Theme Of The Month

    (I’m working at a diner as a waitress. I am waiting on an arrogant douchebag, which is business as usual. After fending off typical lame flirting he asks…)

    Him: “So… what time do you get off?”

    Me: “Sir, when it comes to me and you, neither of us will be getting off.”

    Homo-Non-Erectus

    | Germany | Dating

    (My boyfriend has recently found out that one of his coworkers is gay. One evening, we’re laying in bed, getting hot and heavy.)

    Boyfriend: *with his hands between my legs* “I wonder if gays are attracted to me.”

    Me: *incredulous stare* “Seriously?! NOW?!”

    (Needless to say, the mood was dead for a while after that …)

    Wine Of Future Past

    | TX, USA | Marriage & Partners

    (I am talking to my wife about supplies for dinner.)

    Me: “So, what do I need to get? Chicken, garlic, there’s wine in the fridge…”

    Wife: “No, there’s not.”

    Me: “The WAS wine in the fridge.”

    You Are My Squishy

    | NY, USA | Dating

    (My best friend had just started dating a guy she had a crush on for weeks. They are often sickeningly sweet, although sometimes that can be one-sided. They are currently cuddling on the couch.)

    Her: “[Him], get off of me. You’re squishing me.”

    Him: *smiling* “But I wanna cuddle!” *gets closer*

    Her: “Get off!” *shoves with foot*

    Him: *struggles closer*

    (After fending him off, she finally gets him to the other side of the couch with her foot. She is holding him there with her leg fully extended as he strains toward her still. While being kicked in the chest repeatedly, he says this, completely sincerely:)

    Him: “[Her], you’re so beautiful!”

    (I quoted this story in my maid of honor speech at their wedding last summer. He’s still like this all the time!)


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