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    Category: Dating

    My philosophy of dating is to just fart right away. – Jenny McCarthy

    Supervillains Need Love Too

    | Australia | Dating

    (I’m texting my relatively new boyfriend one day when this comes up.)

    Boyfriend: “Autocorrect changes it’s first choice based on what I’ve previously typed. Can you guess what the first suggestion for the letter ‘B’ is?”

    Me: “Umm… maniacal laughter?”

    Boyfriend: “‘Bwahahahaha‘ is correct! Apparently I’m a supervillain.”

    Me: “Not sure whether to feel proud or worried about this…”

    Don’t Panic But I Think I’m Dumping You

    | Canada | Dating, Fights/Breakups

    (I am susceptible to panic attacks, which the guy I’m seeing at the time of this story knows. One day, a lockdown occurs at school, triggering a terrible panic attack. This conversation happens a few days later.)

    Me: “It was awful. I don’t think I’ve ever been that scared!”

    Boyfriend: “I heard all about it. I had the ringer on my phone on the highest volume so I wouldn’t miss when you inevitably would have bitched at me!”

    Me: “Well, you do know that phones work both ways, right? You could have texted me to see how I was doing.”

    Boyfriend: “Yeah, I suppose, but I was busy.”

    Me: “Too busy to see if your girlfriend was okay after suffering one of the worst panic attacks she’s ever experienced?!”

    Boyfriend: “Yeah.”

    Me: “…”

    (Needless to say, he wasn’t my boyfriend for very much longer!)

    Creepiest Pillow Talk

    | Novi, MI, USA | Dating

    (My boyfriend and I are in his bed snuggling. I’m sitting up against the wall, and he has his head in my lap laying on my thigh.)

    Boyfriend: “Your thigh is just the best pillow ever. If you die before me, I’m going to commission someone to taxidermy it so I can use it as a pillow forever!”

    Me: “I’m not sure if that was incredibly creepy or incredibly romantic.”

    Good Clean Gaming

    | Plano, TX, USA | Dating, Theme Of The Month

    (I’m chatting with my girlfriend online about a video game she recently got, ‘Bravely Default.’ One of the characters in the game is called ‘Ringabel.’)

    Girlfriend: “I want the girls to be an awesome warrior. But ‘rinsable’ is a good warrior.”

    Girlfriend: “And I see the autocorrect, but it’s hilarious. He shall be here fore known as ‘Rinsable.’”

    Me: “Well… at least it’s safe to put him in a dishwasher.”

    She’ll Make A Man Out Of You

    | Newark, DE, USA | Dating, Theme Of The Month

    (My boyfriend and I make phone calls daily. We are in our late teens and have a fair amount of maturity, but we are also huge nerds. One day he calls while I’m listening to ‘Reflection’ from ‘Mulan.’ Our conversation drifts toward strong female characters in books and movies.)

    Me: “It’s kind of funny. Just before you called I was listening to music from Mulan, and she’s, like, the most bad-a** female character, in my opinion. She’s so small and dainty, and she was just trying to find a husband to fulfill her parents wishes, but then she’s like: ‘nope, I’m gonna go off to war.’”

    Boyfriend: *trying to sound coy and romantic* “Well, honey, you’re a girl worth fighting for.”

    Me: “Aww.”

    Boyfriend: “But knowing you, you’d be in the thick of the fighting.”

    Me: “…yeah.” *totally not thinking before I speak again* “Fear me! I have boobs and will take you down with a wooden stick!”

    Boyfriend: *laughing uncontrollably for a good minute* “You have no idea how awesome you are, sweetheart.”

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