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  • June's Theme Of The Month: Romance On Vacation!

    Category: Dating

    My philosophy of dating is to just fart right away. – Jenny McCarthy

    Trimming The Profits

    | NY, USA | Dating

    (The guy I’m seeing and I have just had sex and are laying around talking. Note: We are both South Park fans.)

    Me: *points to his crotch* “Do you trim, or does it just grow like that?”

    Him: *stares at me*

    Me: “That was a really dumb question, wasn’t it?”

    Him: “No, no. It happens by magic. Actually, I hired the Underwear Gnomes to do it while they’re down there.”

    Me: “Oh, my god! We finally figured out what Step Two was! One: Steal underwear, Two: trim pubic hair, Three: profit!”

    Went With Option Number Two

    | NY, USA | Dating

    (My boyfriend and I are playing Hangman. I have just drawn the board.)

    Boyfriend: “It’s ‘I love you.'”

    Me: *thinking frantically* “Um, no, it’s not. Guess letters.”

    (What did I come up with? ‘I some poo.’ My boyfriend’s started saying it to mean when he means to says ‘I love you!’)

    Acting Gingerly On The Zombie Apocalypse

    | Germany | Dating

    (This happens after dinner, my boyfriend having been the cook. I absolutely hate spicy food and it is important to mention that i have long hair which i dye red and have been doing so for the past ten years, at least.)

    Boyfriend: “Normally I’d have added some chili, but I didn’t want you to die on that, so I left it out. Because you being dead would be very bad.”

    Me: “Oh, that’s nice of you. But you never know, I might have returned as a zombie!”

    Boyfriend: “Ummm…”

    (I decide to pop the question.)

    Me: “Well, if I returned as a zombie, would you kill me?”

    Boyfriend: “Hmm. Probably I would, yeah. This way it wouldn’t be a random stranger killing you. But maybe they’d find a cure, so I could have you back in normal…”

    Me: “Yeah, you could keep me in a box somewhere, feed me some brains every now and then, and wait for a cure!”

    Boyfriend: “That’s just slightly creepy… But, well, I think your salvation would be more important to me!”

    Me: “One thing about that. I’m a redhead. I don’t have a soul.”

    Boyfriend: “But you dye it; it’s not even real! So you do have one.”

    Me: “Yeah, but I’ve been doing so for the past ten years. I’m pretty sure my soul has already fled my body.”

    Boyfriend: “No, I’m sure that deep inside you still have a hidden soul. So I’d still kill you!”

    Magic Potion

    | VA, USA | Dating

    (My boyfriend gets dry skin and needs to use lotion rather often.)

    Boyfriend: *holding out lotion bottle* “How do you open this thing?!”

    Me: *does a little twist and it immediately pops open, handing it back to him*

    Boyfriend: *stares in shock at it, then at the bottle, then back at me with a dumbfounded and bewildered look* “HOW DID YOU DO THIS?!”

    Me: *laughing hysterically* “MAGIC! I’m a f****** WIZARD!”

    Boyfriend: *suddenly serious* “No, you are going to teach me this magic right now!”

    (I took him into the bathroom and showed him how they work.)

    Boyfriend: “I’m a f****** idiot…”

    Me: “You’re my smart, wonderful, engineer, who also happens to be a f****** idiot sometimes.”

    Good Thing They Caught Each Other, Part 22

    | MI, USA | Dating

    (My boyfriend and I are talking online, where we often commence disgustingly cute messages. It should be noted that I’ve started playing Pokémon again and had sent him messages earlier about how cute some of the babies were now.)

    Me: “Love me?”

    Boyfriend: “I suppose.”

    Me: “Do you love me as much as I love Azurill?”

    Boyfriend: “Oh, honey. I don’t think anyone can love that much.”

    Good Thing They Caught Each Other, Part 21
    Good Thing They Caught Each Other, Part 20
    Good Thing They Caught Each Other, Part 19

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