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    Category: Dating

    My philosophy of dating is to just fart right away. – Jenny McCarthy

    Keeping It Clean

    | Tallinn, Estonia | Dating, Family/Kids

    (My sister and her boyfriend are still living apart. I go over to my sister’s to find him there, helping her clean the place. He keeps telling her what to do.)

    Sister: *whining to me* “He’s giving me orders! In my own home!”

    Me: “So? Go to his place and order him around there.”

    Boyfriend: “She already did that. That’s why I’m doing this.”

    Using The Lawd’s Name In Vain

    | Boone, NC, USA | Dating

    (It is finals week at my college, where I’m a music student. I’ve just taken an exam that I was nervous about. My professor has just told me my exam grade, and I text my boyfriend excitedly.)

    Me: “An 89 on my music theory final! Praise the lawd!”

    Boyfriend: “Good job, honey!”

    Me: “I am so happy!”

    Boyfriend: “I can tell. You praised the lawd.”

    Trying To A-Mews You

    | Mountain View, CA, USA | Dating

    (I am completely head-over-heels, I-would-give-my-life-to-save-hers in love with my girlfriend, and she knows it. She’s also 16 years older than me and knows I’m insecure about being able to keep her, as she’s a catch I feel is far out of my league. This is the first time I have visited her home:)

    Girlfriend: *teasingly* “Sweetie, do you love me?”

    Me: *frightened* “With all my heart.”

    Girlfriend: “Good, then you won’t mind if the two of us share the bed with Clarence.”

    Me: *blanches and emits frightened squeak*

    Girlfriend: “I think you’ll like him. Here he comes now!”

    (A cat ran into the room. My heart started beating again and I reached down to pet Clarence. He and I are on great terms. And my girlfriend loves me even more because I like her cat.)

    Dating Sheldon Cooper, Part 12

    | NY, USA | Dating

    (Our birthdays are both coming up.)

    Him: “You have an advantage by having your birthday first.”

    Me: “Why?”

    Him: “If I spend more than you were expecting you might feel obligated to spend more and could feel like I’m forcing you to spend more than you wanted to, but if I spend less than you were expecting I would look cheap.”

    (There is an entire episode of The Big Bang Theory where Sheldon Cooper stresses about this very thought. My boyfriend does not watch TBBT and was not referencing it. He’s just that much of a nerd.)

    Related:
    Dating Sheldon Cooper, Part 11
    Dating Sheldon Cooper, Part 10
    Dating Sheldon Cooper, Part 9

    Not Being Professional About It

    | London, England, UK | Dating

    (My boyfriend and I are walking home. We find ourselves talking about Joe Dessin’s song ‘Les Champs-Elysée’ after he mishears me saying ‘Bichon Frise,’ a dog breed. It leads to this snippet:)

    Boyfriend: “The singer sounds a lot like Jean Reno. He’s the only cool Frenchman.”

    Me: *knowing he’s a fan* “Daft Punk are French.”

    Boyfriend: “…The only bad-a** Frenchman, then.”


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