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    Category: Dating

    My philosophy of dating is to just fart right away. – Jenny McCarthy

    Good Thing They Caught Each Other, Part 20

    | Pittsburgh, PA, USA | Dating

    (My boyfriend is driving me in for a minor outpatient surgical procedure. I don’t know how long it will be, how long I’ll be waiting, what have you, so I throw my 3DS and a few games in my purse to combat boredom. I’m telling my boyfriend this.)

    Me: “So, I have my DS in my purse. If you get bored waiting for me, you can play anything except for Pokémon X and Aqua. You can play Pearl; I’ve given up on that one. But not the first two. I have Mario Kart and some other fun games.”

    Boyfriend: “No Pokémon? What kind of girlfriend are you?”

    Me: “An awesome one.”

    Boyfriend: “I know what I’m going to do. I’m going to open your game and replace all of your Pokémon with Magikarp.”

    Me: *gasps* “You wouldn’t. I have the magic gay pride reindeer. You will not touch it.”

    Boyfriend: “I’ll do it.”

    Me: “You do that, and I’ll leave you. I’m at the Pokémon league, and you will not screw me over. That is a divorceable offense. No court in the land would blame me if I killed you.”

    Boyfriend: *kisses the top of my head* “You’re adorable. Don’t worry; I won’t delete the gay pride reindeer.”

    Me: “Or Diancie. She’s a bad-a**.”

    Boyfriend: “Whatever you say, dear.”

    Related:
    Good Thing They Caught Each Other, Part 19
    Good Thing They Caught Each Other, Part 18
    Good Thing They Caught Each Other, Part 17

    Weaning Off The Weiner

    | NY, USA | Dating

    (My boyfriend and I are both male, and spending the weekend together. He has two dachshunds, often called “wiener dogs,, who have buried themselves in the blankets of his bed. I’m grabbing at him while he’s getting a game to play.)

    Boyfriend: “Love, you’re being naughty.”

    Me: “You want naughty?” *starts patting the blankets, looking for the dogs*

    Boyfriend: “What are you doing now?”

    Me: *pauses* “It’s a sad day when a gay man has trouble finding a wiener.”

    Boyfriend: “…You’re putting this on Not Always, aren’t you?”

    Me: “Already opening the browser!”

    Needs To Engage In A Better Way

    | IL, USA | Dating

    (My boyfriend and I are curled up in bed, and I’m upset because he leaves me in a few days to go back home and leave me stateside. We’ve been dating for seven years at this point and are talking about marriage before I break down.)

    Boyfriend: *consoling me* “Honey, I have a question.”

    Me: *sniffling* “What?”

    Boyfriend: “Do we have to do anything special to get married, because I really want to be your husband.”

    Me: *now giggling* “That’s how you’re going to propose?!”

    (For the follow-up, his way of asking my dad was ‘I’m going to marry her, okay?’ We have laughed about this and yes, I am engaged to him.)

    A Healthy Spiritual Relationship

    | NY, USA | Dating

    (My boyfriend is trying to fix his mom’s car and is texting me on his progress.)

    Boyfriend: “I did it! I am a god among men.”

    Me: “Definitely.”

    Boyfriend: “I get that at parties all the time. People come up to me like, ‘God?’ And I’m like ‘Nah, sorry, but I get that a lot.'”

    Me: “That’s true. Like sometimes during sex I’ll be like ‘Oh, God!’ and then I’m like, oh, wait, it’s just [Boyfriend]. My bad.'”

    Ignoring The Elephant In The Windpipe

    | Victoria, BC, Canada | Dating

    (My girlfriend and I have a running joke about a ‘tiny elephant escaped from the zoo’ being responsible for certain noises we make. This time, her throat is whistling when she inhales.)

    Girlfriend: *wheeze* “Hah, tiny elephant.” *wheeze*

    Me: “The poor thing.”

    Girlfriend: *wheeze*

    Me: “He’s trapped in there!”

    Girlfriend: *wheeze*

    Me: “The poor can’t get out!”

    Girlfriend: *wheeze*

    Me: “He can’t breathe!”

    Girlfriend: “He can’t breathe? What about ME?!”

    Me: “Well, maybe you’d have an easier time if you spat out that poor little elephant you swallowed!”

    Girlfriend: *wheeze*

    Me: “Listen to him. He wants his mommy!”

    Girlfriend: *wheeze*

    Me: “HE WANTS HIS MOOOMMYY!!”


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