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    Category: Dating

    My philosophy of dating is to just fart right away. – Jenny McCarthy

    Giving Kissing A New Profile

    | CA, USA | Dating

    (I am perusing my Facebook next to my boyfriend when I find a notification. Turns out he liked one of my photos. However, he’s more distracted by his profile picture next to my notification.)

    Boyfriend: “Who’s that handsome devil?”

    Me: “I’ve been talking to this mysterious, cute stranger for a while now, right under your nose!”

    Boyfriend: “How dare he! D*** you, [My Name]!”

    Me: “And he’s a better kisser than you!”

    Boyfriend: “We’ll see about that!”

    (He wraps me up in a passionate kiss. Afterwards, I’m still slightly starstruck.)

    Me: “W-well then. Guess I won’t be talking to him again.”

    A Slight Bump In The Road

    | Sweden | Dating

    (I’m a tomboy, and also have a tendency to be contrary for the h*** of it.)

    Boyfriend: “You’re a girl.”

    Me: “No, I’m not.”

    Boyfriend: “You have boobs.”

    Me: *without thinking, grabbing my boobs* “These aren’t boobs!”

    Boyfriend: “Oh yeah? What are they then?”

    Me: “They’re… umm… speed bumps!”

    Boyfriend: *face-palm*

    Getting A Pizza The Money-Saving Action

    | PA, USA | Dating

    (It’s the weekend, so we’ve been having pizza and drinks with friends. I’ve just cleaned up and climbed into bed, while my boyfriend drunkenly roams the halls. All of a sudden he bursts through the door.)

    Boyfriend: “BABE! I found us a coupon!”

    (He hands me a flyer for a pizza deal that was on the box I just threw away.)

    Me: “Did you get that out of the garbage?”

    Boyfriend: “NO! …maybe.”

    Me: “That’s not even a coupon; it’s just an advertisement.”

    Boyfriend: “It is a coupon! See, if we get a pizza, we get a discount! And we need this to get the discount! I’m saving us money!”

    A New Level Of Technical ‘Support’

    | St. Louis, MO, USA | Dating

    (I’m in a long-distance relationship. This exchange occurs over Skype a little while after my girlfriend was briefly off-camera and I had heard a strange noise:)

    Girlfriend: “By the way, that noise earlier was me scratching my boobs.”

    Me: “Oh, wow, it was really loud. You must have been right on the mic.”

    Girlfriend: “Huh?”

    Me: “I know what scratching sounds like, and it’s not usually that loud.”

    Girlfriend: “I think the program just amplifies whatever sound is happening when we aren’t talking.”

    Me: “Ah, okay. Well, maybe in the future I can help you with that.”

    (She bursts out laughing, then after a moment of realization, I do, too.)

    Girlfriend: “I’m not even sure what you meant by that!”

    Me: “Me neither! I was just trying to say something supportive…” *she laughs again* “…but it ended up sounding a different kind of supportive.” *we both laugh more* “Seriously, it’s a miracle that you haven’t broken up with me by now.”

    Your Hellboy Is Just Heavenly

    | CA, USA | Dating

    (My boyfriend and I are playing co-op video game.)

    Boyfriend: “Hey, best superhero?”

    Me: *not really listening to the question* “I don’t know, why?”

    Boyfriend: “Just… best superhero?”

    Me: “Like, Marvel/DC superpowers hero, or—”

    Boyfriend: “Your favorite! Just go with your first response!”

    Me: “Hellboy.”

    Boyfriend: “Check it out!”

    (I turn to see his character appearance is now red clothing, swarthy skin, and rugged appearance, as close to Hellboy as possible given the constraints of the game.)

    Me: *melts*

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