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    Category: Dating

    My philosophy of dating is to just fart right away. – Jenny McCarthy

    Love In The Time Of Zombies, Part 11

    | AB, USA | Dating

    (My boyfriend and I are lying in bed. He leans over and bites me.)

    Boyfriend: “If I was a zombie you’d be dead.”

    Me: “We watch The Walking Dead too much.”

    (Since then we always try to ‘turn’ each other and fight off the one who is trying to bite.)

    Love In The Time Of Zombies, Part 10
    Love In The Time Of Zombies, Part 9
    Love In The Time Of Zombies, Part 8

    Can’t Get A Clean Break

    | Ball, LA, USA | Dating, Family/Kids

    (My boyfriend’s refrigerator needs to be cleaned out so I volunteer to help him clean it. As we’re scrubbing, we keep accidentally bumping into each other and I’m getting irritated because I bruise easily.)

    Me: “No offense, babe, but you’re getting in my way. I can do this by myself.”

    Boyfriend: “But it’s my fridge, babe. I’d feel bad making you clean it.”

    Me: “But you’re not making me do it. I volunteered.” *makes a shooing motion* “Move it!”

    (He sits at the kitchen table and starts playing with his cat. A few minutes later, someone knocks on the front door and shouts ‘YO!.’)

    Boyfriend: “Oh! That’s [Friend I haven’t met yet]! I think you’ll like him. He’s pretty a pretty cool guy.” *yells* “The door’s open, man!”

    (To be polite, I stop cleaning and turn around. His friend walks into the kitchen and looks from me to my boyfriend.)

    Boyfriend: “[Friend], this is my girlfriend, [My Name]. [My Name], this is [Friend].”

    Me: *smiles* “Hi there, [Friend]!” *goes back to scrubbing*

    Friend: “Seriously, dude? Making your girlfriend clean your fridge?”

    Boyfriend: *laughing* “Hey, it needed to be done! She’s cleaning and I’m supervising.”

    Me: *snorts* “He was just getting in my way so I told him to move.” *turns and smiles again* “Besides, I don’t mind cleaning and little things like this are easier to do by myself.”

    Friend: *to Boyfriend* “Does she have a sister?”

    Me: “Yes, I do. A younger sister but she’s lazy as f***.”

    Friend: “D*** it!”

    Holy Awesome Girlfriend!

    | Ball, LA, USA | Dating

    (I’m visiting my boyfriend and a friend that I had never met comes to visit. I’m a shy person so I don’t say much to him. We’re watching The Simpsons and a character is watching a parody episode of the old Batman show.)

    Me: *grinning* “Batman! That show was so awful but funny.”

    Boyfriend:” You know that’s the original Batman, right?”

    Me: *confused* “What?”

    Boyfriend: “That’s the original Batman voicing him in the show. It’s Adam West.”

    Me: “Oh! I knew that! At first I thought you meant that it was the original Batman cartoon!”

    Boyfriend: *shakes his head* “No, I know it isn’t. But Adam West has done quite a bit of voice work. He’s the mayor in Family Guy…”

    Me: “Yeah, Mayor Adam West. He’s also the voice of the young Mermaid Man in Spongebob and Catman in Fairly OddParents, both of those characters being parodies of Batman. He’s also in a commercial for something or other.”

    Boyfriend: *nods* “Lending Tree.”

    (His friend is now looking from me to my boyfriend, obviously trying not to stare.)

    Boyfriend: *shrugs* “Yeah, I found one as weird and nerdy as I am.”

    Friend: “Keep. Her.”

    Monitoring The Situation For The Right Reasons

    | MN, USA | Dating

    (I am prepping to move in with my boyfriend, and am packing up my computer and two monitors. He’s taking them in his car while I bring my two cats in a separate car.)

    Boyfriend: “Okay, I’ll get these over to my place and you can take your time with the kitties.”

    Me: “Drive safe.”

    Boyfriend: “Of course I’ll drive safe.”

    Me: “I don’t want to have to get new monitors…”

    Mentally Healthier To Blame Someone Else

    | Victoria, BC, Canada | Dating

    (My girlfriend has schizophrenia, which causes her to believe her inconsequential actions will make bad things happen to others. She’s part of a mental health stand-up group, so we often use humour to help manage those thoughts. We’re walking down the street one day when we hear an ambulance siren.)

    Girlfriend: *shrinking into herself* “I hope I didn’t cause that….”

    Me: *puts an arm around her* “Oh, don’t worry sweetie; I’m sure it was someone ELSE with schizophrenia that caused it.”

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