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    Category: Dating

    My philosophy of dating is to just fart right away. – Jenny McCarthy

    Sweating Over A Cake

    | Norwalk, CT, USA | Dating

    (I have just come home from the gym after a very intense spinning class. It’s late and I want to get started on baking a cake I need for the next day, so I postpone my shower – but make sure my hands/forearms are squeaky clean, of course!)

    Me: *humming/singing to myself as I prepare the batter from scratch* “La-la-la-la”

    (I call out to my boyfriend in the other room.)

    Me: “Hey, look at me! I’m Betty Crocker!”

    Boyfriend: “Oh, really?! Do you have an apron on and everything?”

    Me: “Does big, sweaty underwear count?”

    Boyfriend: “Sure!”

    Love Some Body

    | Melbourne, VIC, Australia | Dating

    (I’m texting my girlfriend while I’m having a bad and very busy day at work.)

    Me: “I’ve got a lot less pressure on me now. It turns out the customer whose order I’m working on died last night.”

    Girlfriend: “Hmmm, coincidence?”

    Me: “I’ve said too much.”

    Girlfriend: “I won’t tell.”

    Me: “That’s good to know.”

    Girlfriend: “I’d totally help you bury a dead body.”

    Me: “That’s even better to know!”

    Stripped Of All Seriousness

    | LA, USA | Dating

    (I’m expecting my boyfriend to be home at around 8. At 7:30, he calls me.)

    Me: “Hi, sweetie!”

    Boyfriend: “I’m at the strip club, looking at kitty.”

    Me: “Wha–!?”

    Boyfriend: “I’ll be home when I want!”

    (We both started laughing, and it took me so long to calm down that he actually started laughing again while he was waiting.)

    How To Train Your Imaginary Dragon

    | Laconia, NH, USA | Dating

    (I am sitting on the couch reading while my boyfriend does homework on the floor. He turns to me and begins telling me about mind theories.)

    Boyfriend: “So, basically, believing is being. If you believe in something enough, it will happen.”

    Me: *closing my eyes hard* “I BELIEVE… IN DRAGONS!”

    (I open my eyes and look around. I sigh: no dragons in sight.)

    Boyfriend: “You don’t believe enough.” *goes back to his homework like nothing happened*

    You’re Totally Pizza Perfect

    | BC, Canada | Dating

    (I often have trouble telling my boyfriend how much I actually love him. I told him one night that I loved pizza more than him. This conversation happened a few weeks later.)

    Me: “I can confirm that I love you more than pizza.”

    Boyfriend: “How?”

    Me: “You don’t give me heartburn.”

    Boyfriend: “Well, um, thanks?”


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