Featured Story:
  • Spray To Get Your Way
    (351 thumbs up)
  • April's Theme Of The Month: Bad Online Experiences!
    Submit your story today!

    Category: Dating

    My philosophy of dating is to just fart right away. – Jenny McCarthy

    Love In The Time Of Zombies, Part 11

    | AB, USA | Dating

    (My boyfriend and I are lying in bed. He leans over and bites me.)

    Boyfriend: “If I was a zombie you’d be dead.”

    Me: “We watch The Walking Dead too much.”

    (Since then we always try to ‘turn’ each other and fight off the one who is trying to bite.)

    Related:
    Love In The Time Of Zombies, Part 10
    Love In The Time Of Zombies, Part 9
    Love In The Time Of Zombies, Part 8

    Can’t Get A Clean Break

    | Ball, LA, USA | Dating, Family/Kids

    (My boyfriend’s refrigerator needs to be cleaned out so I volunteer to help him clean it. As we’re scrubbing, we keep accidentally bumping into each other and I’m getting irritated because I bruise easily.)

    Me: “No offense, babe, but you’re getting in my way. I can do this by myself.”

    Boyfriend: “But it’s my fridge, babe. I’d feel bad making you clean it.”

    Me: “But you’re not making me do it. I volunteered.” *makes a shooing motion* “Move it!”

    (He sits at the kitchen table and starts playing with his cat. A few minutes later, someone knocks on the front door and shouts ‘YO!.’)

    Boyfriend: “Oh! That’s [Friend I haven’t met yet]! I think you’ll like him. He’s pretty a pretty cool guy.” *yells* “The door’s open, man!”

    (To be polite, I stop cleaning and turn around. His friend walks into the kitchen and looks from me to my boyfriend.)

    Boyfriend: “[Friend], this is my girlfriend, [My Name]. [My Name], this is [Friend].”

    Me: *smiles* “Hi there, [Friend]!” *goes back to scrubbing*

    Friend: “Seriously, dude? Making your girlfriend clean your fridge?”

    Boyfriend: *laughing* “Hey, it needed to be done! She’s cleaning and I’m supervising.”

    Me: *snorts* “He was just getting in my way so I told him to move.” *turns and smiles again* “Besides, I don’t mind cleaning and little things like this are easier to do by myself.”

    Friend: *to Boyfriend* “Does she have a sister?”

    Me: “Yes, I do. A younger sister but she’s lazy as f***.”

    Friend: “D*** it!”

    Holy Awesome Girlfriend!

    | Ball, LA, USA | Dating

    (I’m visiting my boyfriend and a friend that I had never met comes to visit. I’m a shy person so I don’t say much to him. We’re watching The Simpsons and a character is watching a parody episode of the old Batman show.)

    Me: *grinning* “Batman! That show was so awful but funny.”

    Boyfriend:” You know that’s the original Batman, right?”

    Me: *confused* “What?”

    Boyfriend: “That’s the original Batman voicing him in the show. It’s Adam West.”

    Me: “Oh! I knew that! At first I thought you meant that it was the original Batman cartoon!”

    Boyfriend: *shakes his head* “No, I know it isn’t. But Adam West has done quite a bit of voice work. He’s the mayor in Family Guy…”

    Me: “Yeah, Mayor Adam West. He’s also the voice of the young Mermaid Man in Spongebob and Catman in Fairly OddParents, both of those characters being parodies of Batman. He’s also in a commercial for something or other.”

    Boyfriend: *nods* “Lending Tree.”

    (His friend is now looking from me to my boyfriend, obviously trying not to stare.)

    Boyfriend: *shrugs* “Yeah, I found one as weird and nerdy as I am.”

    Friend: “Keep. Her.”

    Monitoring The Situation For The Right Reasons

    | MN, USA | Dating

    (I am prepping to move in with my boyfriend, and am packing up my computer and two monitors. He’s taking them in his car while I bring my two cats in a separate car.)

    Boyfriend: “Okay, I’ll get these over to my place and you can take your time with the kitties.”

    Me: “Drive safe.”

    Boyfriend: “Of course I’ll drive safe.”

    Me: “I don’t want to have to get new monitors…”

    Mentally Healthier To Blame Someone Else

    | Victoria, BC, Canada | Dating

    (My girlfriend has schizophrenia, which causes her to believe her inconsequential actions will make bad things happen to others. She’s part of a mental health stand-up group, so we often use humour to help manage those thoughts. We’re walking down the street one day when we hear an ambulance siren.)

    Girlfriend: *shrinking into herself* “I hope I didn’t cause that….”

    Me: *puts an arm around her* “Oh, don’t worry sweetie; I’m sure it was someone ELSE with schizophrenia that caused it.”


    Page 1/46412345...Last
    Next Page »