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  • September Theme Of The Month: Overheard!

    Category: Dating

    My philosophy of dating is to just fart right away. – Jenny McCarthy

    Won’t Grow Board Of You

    | CA, USA | Dating

    (I have started casually seeing a guy that works at the same environmental group that I am doing an internship with. I’m on a long vacation and as such we frequently will carry out rather explicit conversations.)

    Guy: “I meet you at the door, and I lean in close to your body…”

    Me: “Yeah?”

    Guy: “You feel something hard. It’s a clipboard. We’re going canvassing.”

    (Gotta love a good sense of humor!)

    My Spidey Senses Are Tingling

    | CA, USA | Dating

    (I am terrified of spiders. One evening, walking down the sidewalk in semi-darkness, I nearly collide with a spider the size of a quarter. I freak out and run away. I tell my boyfriend about it, and he laughs. The next day, I get this text.)

    Boyfriend: “Did chores. Also, walked the sidewalks and killed as many spiders and destroyed as many spider-webs as possible that I could see so that you didn’t feel icky at night.”

    (I am utterly in love with this man.)

    The Breakup From Another World

    | Ontario, CA, USA | Dating

    (I am at the park with a guy I’ve recently started seeing and we are talking about relationships, when we get onto the topic of breakups.)

    Me: “Well, this one guy I was seeing broke up with me over text. Don’t do that; it will just make me mad at you. If you don’t want to do it in person AT LEAST pick up the phone and call me.”

    Guy: “Well, I have this crazy notion that maybe my next relationship won’t end at all. Unless we encounter something really wrong that we can’t get past.” *thinks* “Like if I find out you’re actually an alien using me to create and protect your alien babies while you overthrow humanity.”

    Me: *bursts out laughing*

    Guy: “In that situation I’d come see you with my ion gun, and be like “Look, you’re really great and I’ve really enjoyed being around you, but this can’t work out. I’m sorry.” and then I’d have to vaporize you.”

    Me: “Wow, that’s harsh. Couldn’t just let me go in peace?”

    Guy: “Well, you ARE trying to overthrow the human race!”

    Me: “…Maybe you should break up with me over text…”

    Has A Hand In This Affair

    | PA, USA | Dating

    (My boyfriend and I are in bed after our alarm goes off, and neither of us want to get out of bed, so we’re goofing around. He has just made an arrogant joke and has his right hand under my butt.)

    Me: “Well, if you love you so much, why don’t you marry yourself?”

    Boyfriend: *holds up his left hand* “Hand, will you marry me?”

    Me: “Wait, aren’t you right-handed?”

    Boyfriend: “Shhh… Don’t tell my other hand!”

    (Suddenly he starts wriggling his right hand under my butt.)

    Boyfriend: *in silly voice of “his right hand* “Let me go! I’ll kill him! I’ll kill him!”

    Me: “Hey, at least your right hand’s got my butt.”

    Boyfriend: “Yeah, my left hand’s in a relationship with my penis, and my right hand’s in a relationship with your bum!”

    A Love Greater Than Westeros

    | Oveido, FL, USA | Dating

    (My boyfriend and I are Game of Thrones fans and are at game shop while on vacation with some friends.)

    Me: “Baby, do you have $300?”

    Boyfriend: “Why?”

    Me: “Because there is a Boratheon crown in the window…”

    Boyfriend: “Why would you want a Boratheon crown? They’re all dead.”

    Me: “Because I want to be king of Westeros! I want to win the Game of Thrones!”

    Boyfriend: “But, in the Game of Thrones, you either win or you die. I’m not willing to take that chance.”

    Me: “Aww…. This is going on the Internet.”

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