Coworker: “You and your boyfriend have been together for a while, haven’t you?”

Me: “16 years.”

Coworker: “Really?! Why haven’t you gotten married yet?”

Me: “I think we’re just secure enough in our relationship, that we’ve never felt the need to involve the authorities.”

(My boyfriend and I are kissing and cuddling in bed, when he suddenly stops and looks at me. He looks kind of worried.)

Me: “What’s wrong?”

Boyfriend: “I kind of want to ask you something, but I’m afraid it will end up on Not Always Romantic.”

Me: “What is it?”

Boyfriend: “I’m really tired. Are you okay going first? I think I might just fall asleep after I finish.”

(I start laughing, and agree to go first.)

(We are talking about awesome cakes, and how I want an absolutely beautiful cake for my wedding. Suddenly, we realise we’re talking about us getting married someday)

Me: “I get all giggly and blush just thinking about us together.”

Boyfriend: “I hope it happens someday.”

Me: “Me too!”

Me: “I just love you with the intensity of an atom breaking apart.”

Boyfriend: “Perhaps we should use our love as a renewable energy source?”

(Because my girlfriend and I are lesbians, we get a lot of drivers honking and catcalling at us when we walk down the street together. One night, we are walking home after dinner, and we hear a car honk when we are crossing the street.)

Girlfriend: “Wait, who is…?”

(The car honks again. I become agitated, assuming the worst.)

Me: “I swear, if they’re honking at us, I’m going to go right up to them and punch them in the—”

Girlfriend: “[Name]! It’s your FAMILY!”

(Sure enough, my mom, father, and brother are all waving at us from the intersection. I use my girlfriend’s hand to face-palm myself.)

Me: “He died in 2008, and was born in 1932. So he was… mmm.”

Boyfriend: “36!”

Me: “Yep, 76. Considering his age he was—wait, did you mean 76?”

Boyfriend: *confused* “Yes. What did I say?”

Me: “36.”

Boyfriend: “Don’t listen to what I say! Listen to what I think!”