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  • September Theme Of The Month: Overheard!

    Category: Flirting/How We Met

    God created the flirt as soon as he made the fool. – Victor Hugo

    Don’t Write Fake Flipping Checks

    | Marysville, CA, USA | Flirting/How We Met

    (I am about five months pregnant with my first child. I am chatting with a customer who is at least 20 years older than me and find out my baby’s due date is the same day as his birthday. After that he always comes in and speaks to me.)

    Customer: “Look what I got today.”

    (He shows me an envelope that looks like a life insurance offer, complete with fake check for $100,000.)

    Customer: “This is an advance on my record studio contract.”

    Me: *pretending to believe him* “Oh, that’s great! I’m so happy for you!”

    Customer: *hands me a note* “Here, just read this. I’ll see you later.”

    (When I go on my break, I read the note in which the customer has offered to give me half of his check, $50,000, if I would just sleep with him once. He is old and lonely, and I could finally marry my man (I have been married five years), go to college, and quit flipping burgers. I show my manager, and all she has to say is:)

    Manager: “We don’t flip burgers. We char-broil them!”

    If Music Be The Fruit Of Jealousy

    | Squamish, BC, Canada | Flirting/How We Met

    (I’ve meet a guy at a music festival and we really hit it off, spending most of the weekend together. I want to see a particular musician perform, and he and his friend seem enthusiastic, so we all go together. The musician comes out on stage to massive applause and plays one of my all-time favourite songs.)

    Me: “God, isn’t he awesome?!”

    Guy: “He’s all right, I guess.”

    Me: “Not gonna lie. I’m basically in love with that dude. Such a great performer too, all that energy.”

    Guy: “He’s probably coked up out of his mind.”

    Me: “…I’m aware of his substance issues, since half his last album was about them.”

    Guy: “I’m just saying, you know, he’s not THAT amazing.”

    Guy’s Friend: “Man, what’s your damage tonight? You LOVE [Musician], like, almost as much as she does.”

    Me: “Seriously?”

    Guy’s Friend: “Oh yeah, he’s a major fan. ”

    Me: “…Wait, are you actually jealous? Dude, you’ve known me all of two days! Are you for real mad because I have a crush on a rock star?”

    Guy: “I’m not jealous! I’m just saying he has issues.”

    Me: “I think his music is great. I don’t want to marry him or something.”

    Guy: “Would you sleep with him?”

    Me: “I don’t really think that’s even a possibility, but wouldn’t you?”

    Guy’s Friend: “He would.”

    Guy: “…Okay, yes, probably, but that’s not the point!”

    Me: “So the point is you want me to what, invite you along if for some reason I get the chance to have sex with [Musician]?!”

    (That did actually make him laugh and admit he was acting weird. The rest of the concert was fantastic and as far as I know none of us had sex with Musician.)

    Write Yourself A Better Pickup Line

    | NY, USA | Flirting/How We Met

    (My friend and I, both female, are having an after-work drink at a local dive bar. Everything is relatively pleasant until…)

    Random Man: “Are you ladies talking about how much you’d like to find a boyfriend?”

    Friend: “Um. No.”

    Me: *shakes head*

    Random Man: “Oh. Well… you let me know.” *walks out of the bar*

    (My friend and I continue our conversation, but then I notice that the man has come back and is eyeing us.)

    Random Man: “I’m leaving now! Sure you girls don’t want a boyfriend?”

    Friend: “I think we’re good.”

    Random Man: *as he leaves* “I’m a writer!”

    Thick Skinned

    | Berlin, Germany | Flirting/How We Met, LGBTQ

    (I am a lesbian. And even when I’m with my significant other, men still hit on me, because they seem to think I’m kissing a girl for attention or something along those lines. My girlfriend and I are out dancing and waiting for drinks at the bar.)

    Guy: “Did it hurt?”

    Me: “What, when I had my d*** removed? Yup, that was h***. I had to stretch my interior several times a day to make sure it doesn’t grow closed again. And my interior is d*** skin. Dude, that s*** hurts.”

    (He fled.)

    A Warming Friendtionship

    | PA, USA | Flirting/How We Met

    (My best friend and are I are incredibly close, to the point where people think we are dating. My friend is male, while I am female. We go out on weekly dinner dates during school, and this happens on one of our ‘dates.’)

    Me: “You know, [Mutual Friend] asked me yesterday if we were ‘a thing.'”

    Him: “Yeah, my parents asked my sister the same thing.”

    Me: “Are we not allowed to have friends of the opposite gender without getting asked if we are together?

    (At this point I pretend to lay down on the table in exasperation and he grabs my hands to warm his own hands up. He continues to hold my hands across that table until he feels his hands are adequately warm.)

    Me: “You know, this might be why people think we are dating…”

    Him: “I was thinking the same thing!”

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