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    Category: Flirting/How We Met

    God created the flirt as soon as he made the fool. – Victor Hugo

    How To Look A-lure-ing

    | Woodstock, GA, USA | Flirting/How We Met

    (I’m in high school at the time of the story. I’m on a popular app that’s a lot like texting, but with pictures and captions instead. I’m talking to my crush.)

    Crush: *sends picture of her with something in her hair*

    Me: “Forgive me if I’m wrong, but are those fishing lures?”

    Crush: *looking disappointed* “No, [My Name], they’re earrings.”

    Me: *terrified* “Sorry… I have lures that look just like that.”

    Crush: *without earrings in her hair* “All normal!”

    Me: “Noooo, it broke the line! And was a beauty, too!”

    A Total Eclipse Of Heavy Metal

    | UK | Flirting/How We Met

    (My crush, my best friend, and I are sitting together at lunch. My crush is known for being into heavy metal and horror stuff, but my best friend and I are part of the few that know he’s got a sappy, sensitive side too. I catch him staring at me.)

    Me: “…what?”

    Crush: “Your eyes are really bright.”

    (Silence…)

    Crush: “Er… which is good, because I can see my reflection in them. I can see how handsome I am.”

    Best Friend: “You’re so vain.”

    Crush: “Oh? Let’s see if I can see my reflection in your eyes, too. Maybe I can stare into your soul and put a curse on you.”

    Me: *chuckling* “Stop trying to salvage your male pride. It’s not working. That bright-eyes comment was sappy and we all know it.”

    (He grinned mischievously, acknowledging defeat.)

    I’m Not Really Feline This Kiss

    | Victoria, BC, Canada | Flirting/How We Met

    (A guy and I have just had a rather good date, and we’re back at his apartment.)

    Me: “Hey, cute cat.”

    Guy: “She’s not terribly friendly, but if you don’t bother her she won’t bother you.”

    (We stay up talking for a while longer, and the cat won’t leave the room. Eventually…)

    Guy: “I’d really like to kiss you.”

    Me: “I’d like that.”

    (He leans in… and the cat begins to growl like a beast possessed.)

    Me: “Umm… is your cat seriously jealous of me?!”

    Guy: “She’s a little, uh, clingy sometimes, yes.”

    Never Too Old To Have A Crack At It

    | TN, USA | Flirting/How We Met

    (An elderly man about 80 years old with a cane walks into the service station I work at and buys two 24 packs of water. I decided it would be nice to help him out to his car with them.)

    Old Man: “You sure are a pretty young lady.”

    Me: “Thank you.”

    Old Man: “How old are you?”

    Me: “24…”

    Old Man: “I sure do like pretty young ladies. The girl I am dating now is 26.”

    Me: *frowns*

    Old Man: “She’s pregnant and she’s a crack w****. I’m going to get it tested when it comes out. I don’t think it’s mine. She actually prefers black guys but is just with me for my money so I am looking for a new woman. You interested?”

    Me: “Not at all, sir. Now you have a nice day and good luck with… all that.”

    (I shove his water in the car and walk back to the store face-palming all the way. When I get back in I tell my coworker what the old man said.)

    Coworker: “I could have told you that would happen. I know him; he’s like that.”

    Me: ” …then why didn’t you?!”

    Very Four-ward

    | AB, Canada | Flirting/How We Met, LGBTQ

    (I am at a house party where the attendees are mostly from my school, which is a very accepting school with a large LGBT+ population. A male stranger from a different school is present, and my classmate and I decide to make friendly conversation with him. Two of our other female classmates, who are dating each other, have just arrived.)

    Me: “Hey, there’s [Couple’s Names].”

    Stranger: “Who are they?”

    Friend: “They go to school with us. They’re dating.”

    Stranger: “They’re DATING? That’s awesome.”

    (A few minutes later, we are discussing sexual orientation.)

    Stranger: “So you’re gay?”

    Me: “Not totally gay, but gay enough. I’m bisexual.”

    Stranger: “That’s cool! Have you ever talked to [Couple’s Names] about having a threesome?”

    (I am shocked at how rude and presumptuous this question is, but I attempt to keep my cool.)

    Me: “Um, no. I actually have a girlfriend.”

    Stranger: “Oh, cool. So, like a foursome, then?”

    (I stand in silence for a few moments.)

    Me: “All right, I need a drink.”


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