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  • Very Soppy Soup
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  • Category: Flirting/How We Met

    God created the flirt as soon as he made the fool. – Victor Hugo

    Never Too Old To Have A Crack At It

    | TN, USA | Flirting/How We Met

    (An elderly man about 80 years old with a cane walks into the service station I work at and buys two 24 packs of water. I decided it would be nice to help him out to his car with them.)

    Old Man: “You sure are a pretty young lady.”

    Me: “Thank you.”

    Old Man: “How old are you?”

    Me: “24…”

    Old Man: “I sure do like pretty young ladies. The girl I am dating now is 26.”

    Me: *frowns*

    Old Man: “She’s pregnant and she’s a crack w****. I’m going to get it tested when it comes out. I don’t think it’s mine. She actually prefers black guys but is just with me for my money so I am looking for a new woman. You interested?”

    Me: “Not at all, sir. Now you have a nice day and good luck with… all that.”

    (I shove his water in the car and walk back to the store face-palming all the way. When I get back in I tell my coworker what the old man said.)

    Coworker: “I could have told you that would happen. I know him; he’s like that.”

    Me: ” …then why didn’t you?!”

    Very Four-ward

    | AB, Canada | Flirting/How We Met, LGBTQ

    (I am at a house party where the attendees are mostly from my school, which is a very accepting school with a large LGBT+ population. A male stranger from a different school is present, and my classmate and I decide to make friendly conversation with him. Two of our other female classmates, who are dating each other, have just arrived.)

    Me: “Hey, there’s [Couple's Names].”

    Stranger: “Who are they?”

    Friend: “They go to school with us. They’re dating.”

    Stranger: “They’re DATING? That’s awesome.”

    (A few minutes later, we are discussing sexual orientation.)

    Stranger: “So you’re gay?”

    Me: “Not totally gay, but gay enough. I’m bisexual.”

    Stranger: “That’s cool! Have you ever talked to [Couple's Names] about having a threesome?”

    (I am shocked at how rude and presumptuous this question is, but I attempt to keep my cool.)

    Me: “Um, no. I actually have a girlfriend.”

    Stranger: “Oh, cool. So, like a foursome, then?”

    (I stand in silence for a few moments.)

    Me: “All right, I need a drink.”

    Can’t Go Toe To Toe With Him

    | Panama City, FL, USA | Dating, Flirting/How We Met, Theme Of The Month

    (It is a New Year’s Eve party, 12:05 am.)

    Girlfriend: “You’re tired.”

    Me: “Yeah, how did you guess?”

    Girlfriend: “You keep tapping the table with your pinky. You only do that when you are tired.”

    Me: “Uh…”

    Friend #1: “I’m not sure if that is cute or creepy.”

    Friend #2: “I wonder if you have other tells.” *winks at me*

    Me:“…”

    A League Of An Ordinary Gentleman

    | NY, USA | Flirting/How We Met

    (I am in a bar with a few of my girlfriends when a really handsome guy walks by our table towards his to join some friends. His phone slides from his back pocket and falls on the floor without him noticing. It must be noted also that I am quite curvy but still quite sporty. I pick the phone up and bring it to his table:)

    Me: “Hi, just wanted to tell you that—”

    Hot Guy: “—don’t bother. I only date skinny girls and I’m quite out of your league.”

    (My jaw drops at the nerve of this guy but I compose myself quickly, put on my best sarcastic face and answer.)

    Me: “Fine by me; I don’t date shallow douchebags. Anyway, I just came here to tell you that you dropped this.”

    (I put the phone is front of him and the guy turns bright red, while his friends start laughing. I start walking away, turn around and say:)

    Me: “By the way you’re not out my league; you’re simply way below it!”

    (His friends laughed harder and taunted him on how he got owned. The best part? As I was ordering drinks at the bar a while later, one of his friends came to me and apologized for that guy’s behavior. We had a bit of a laugh about it and he ended up asking for my number. We’ve been dating since! Last we heard about obnoxious guy, most of his friends had stopped hanging out with him because of his rude manners and shallowness.)

    Showing Signs Of Discontent

    | Sports Fort Collins, CO, USA | Flirting/How We Met

    (The ONLY time in my life I have come up with a comeback on the spot and not five minutes later!)

    Guy: “Hey baby, what’s your sign?” *yes, he actually used that*

    Me: “Do not enter!”


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