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    Category: Flirting/How We Met

    God created the flirt as soon as he made the fool. – Victor Hugo

    Give Him Back A Red Card

    | NY, USA | Flirting/How We Met, Themed Giveaway

    (I work at a bookstore in a strip mall. There is also a pizza place in the plaza. I had a crush on the delivery guy, who apparently liked me back because he asked me out on a date. After the first date, however, he turned crazy, calling me every 10 minutes, driving by my house to spy on me, and telling me he loved me in long voicemails when I didn’t answer my phone. I finally told him I didn’t want to talk to him anymore, but he wouldn’t take no for an answer. He found out it recently was my birthday, and the next time I am working he shows up at the bookstore.)

    Pizza Guy: “Hey, honey. So, it was your birthday?”

    Me: “Um, yeah.”

    Pizza Guy: “Ah, why didn’t you tell me? I love you so much! Let me get you a card!”

    (He goes to our card section and picks out a card.)

    Pizza Guy: “Let me buy this for you!”

    Me: No, I really don’t want it. Please just put it back. I’m not interested.”

    Pizza Guy: “I’m going to buy it anyway!”

    (He writes in it, even though I won’t ring it up, and signs it ‘Love, [Pizza Guy].’)

    Pizza Guy: “Here you go. I love you!” *winks at me and leaves with a grin on his face*

    (I ended up paying for the card so that it wouldn’t throw off the inventory, and promptly threw it in the garbage. From that point on, my coworkers warned me if they could see him coming so I could hide in the back room. I eventually had to change my phone number.)

    Looking For His Bag Lady

    | VA, USA | Flirting/How We Met, Marriage & Partners, Themed Giveaway

    (I pick up some fresh kale and don’t bother to get a produce bag for it. I then go over to another section to compare prices on a couple things. There is a guy nearby, stocking items.)

    Guy: “Need a bag for that?”

    Me: *polite smile* “No, I’m good. Thanks.”

    Guy: “You sure?”

    Me: “Yeah, I’m sure.”

    Guy: “Why don’t you want a bag?”

    Me: *slightly confused as to why this is such an issue* “Because I don’t need one?”

    Guy: *with an attitude* “Well I guess that’s what I get. I’m just trying to be nice. But nice guys finish last, right?”

    (My eyes go wide and I turn and stare at the shelves in front of me for a few seconds, utterly confused. I finally got to check the prices and then I go over to my husband who is not far away. I tell him what happened.)

    Husband: “All that over a bag? I thought he was just hitting on you. The look on your face was priceless.”

    Me: “Yeah, that’s what I thought originally, but obviously harassing me about not taking a bag seemed like a better choice.”

    Husband: “He just wanted to bag you! Why wouldn’t you let him bag you!”

    (Sometimes my husband is funny. This was not one of those times.)

    They Met On The Bleach, Part 2

    | Germany | Flirting/How We Met

    (My friends and I are cosplayers, and I am searching for a specific fabric for a bunch of new costumes we want to wear to the next convention. I go to a store and ask for that fabric. They don’t have any of it so I start to ask if there was something else we could use. There were two girls and a boy in this shop looking at the fabrics as well.)

    Saleswoman: “So, what do you need that fabric for?”

    Me: “A costume.” *in Germany a ladies’ suit is also called a costume*

    Saleswoman: *blank stare*

    Me: “You know… not like a skirt and a jacket. More like… a real costume.”

    Saleswoman: “OH, MY GOD! YOU’RE A COSPLAYER?”

    Me: “Um… yes?”

    Saleswoman: “Oh, my God! Are you going to be at [Next Convention], too? Who are you going to be?”

    Me: “Um yes… A character from Bleach. He is called Shunsui.”

    Saleswoman: “THAT’S SO COOL!”

    (By this time the two girls and the boy are standing practically next to me, talking about cosplay being ‘childish’ and so on. I really don’t want to cause trouble, so I ignore them and tell the saleswoman about the last convention we were at.)

    Me: “It was really hot. I had this cosplay made out of this really long synthetic fur. And one of the guards told me to let security check me for weapons. So we went there and I let them put a sticker on my nose. And one of my friends was checked too, because she was dressed as the Easter bunny—”

    (At this moment the boy whirls around and stares at me before he starts yelling too.)

    Boy: “Oh, my God! YOU ARE THE MOONKIN!”

    Me: *nods*

    Boy: “How cool!”

    (Complete silence, while everybody, including the two girls stares at him in disbelief.)

    Girl #1: “You are SO embarrassing! I don’t want you to be my boyfriend anymore!”

    Boy: *deadpan* “You insulted a moonkin… I don’t want to be your boyfriend anymore, either!”

    (With that, he just turned and left while the girls just glared at me until they left, too. Wherever you are, young man, you made my day! Thank you!)

    They Met On The Bleach

    So I’m Marrying An Axe Murderer

    | USA | Dating, Flirting/How We Met, Themed Giveaway

    (I’m texting with somebody I recently met and don’t know very well yet. Our conversations are often ridiculously over-the-top pledges of love. At this point, I have just questioned his seriousness about moving across the country for somebody he just met.)

    Him: “C’mon, I’m messing with you. You could be an axe murderer for all I know. I’m not that hasty.”

    Me: “I am rather fond of sharp edges and fire.”

    Him: “Axes are sharp and fire compliments everything nicely.”

    Me: “Let’s be axe murderers together!”

    Him: “Deal.”

    Love’s Labours Lost

    | Altoona, PA, USA | Flirting/How We Met

    (I’ve been chatting up a girl I met through an online dating service. We have a good deal in common, and have hit it off almost immediately. She has recently told me how she used to secretly name the chickens on the farm where she grew up, and we’ve since moved on to other subjects, thoroughly enjoying the banter. For the record, I’m very active in the local theatre, and admittedly have exceedingly high standards when it comes to dating.)

    Woman I Like: “I’ve never been able to go to Red Lobster since I was a kid. I always feel so bad for the lobsters in the tank.”

    Me: “You don’t have to order them, you know.”

    Woman I Like: “I know, but they’re still going to be ordered at some point.”

    Me: “But they’re delicious, so it’s not like their sacrifice is in vain.”

    Woman I Like: *jokingly* “You’re heartless. You know that, right?”

    Me: “I had an inkling.”

    Woman I Like: “Seriously, though. When I was a kid, I kept asking my dad to buy them so I could set them free.”

    Me: “Where would you have put them?”

    Woman I Like: “The pond behind my house.”

    Me: “You know lobsters are salt-water creatures, right?”

    Woman I Like: “I was eight. I had no concept of salinity.”

    Me: “Did you name them too?”

    Woman I Like: “… Maybe.”

    Me: “What did you name them?”

    Woman I Like: “…Ted.”

    Me: “You named all the lobsters Ted?”

    Woman I Like: “Well, a few of them.”

    Me: “And then they were eaten.”

    Woman I Like: *laughing* “Yes! It’s horrible! I feel so bad for Ted!”

    Me: “Don’t worry, I’m sure he was properly eulogised. ‘Alas, poor Ted! I knew him, [Woman I Like], a lobster of infinite zest. He had borne me in his claws a thousand times.” Okay, I’m done.

    Woman I Like: *confused* “…Okay. Done with what?”

    Me: “Parodying Hamlet.”

    Woman I Like: “Parodying what?”

    Me:Hamlet, the Shakespeare play. The bit where he’s holding the skull…”

    Woman I Like: “Oh, sorry. I really have no idea what you’re talking about.”

    (We saw each other a couple of times after that, but it was really over at that point. The theatre geek in me just couldn’t let me get past it.)

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