(I’m in a Bible study class. Among the class is a couple who are retired, happily married 30+ years, and with grown children. We are discussing fear of death.)

Husband: “I’m not afraid of dying. I’ve had a long life. Things will be fine
here without me. And, I have a will.”

Wife: “Where there’s a will, there’s a way.”

(My grandfather is notoriously frugal and practical. Romance is simply not part of his character. One year, he buys two cemetery plots for himself and my grandmother, and ‘gives’ them to her for Christmas. The next Christmas, there is no gift for her at all.)

Grandmother: “You didn’t buy me a Christmas present?”

Grandfather: “Well, you haven’t even used the gift I gave you last year yet!”

(I’m a nurse, and I am on taking a sweet old woman’s blood pressure while her husband, who has been there all night, sits beside her in a chair. I notice the woman’s beautiful engagement ring.)

Me: “Your ring is stunning! You have excellent taste, sir.”

Old man: “Thank you, I had it engraved for our fiftieth wedding anniversary. That was over ten years ago.”

Me: “Wow. Congratulations, that’s a long time. I just got married last month. How did you make your marriage work for so long?”

Old man: “Well, I always had the last words. And they were always ‘Yes, dear’.”

(I’m at a mall an I am watching the kids with Santa. A girl of about 5 comes up.)

Girl: “I want a boyfriend for Christmas.”

Santa: “Oh, really? Well, all the boys that asked for a girlfriend are all much older than you.”

Girl: “That’s exactly what I want.” *jumps up and down* “I want someone as old as my grandpa!”

(I am talking to my grandfather.)

Grandpa: “Aye, marriage is hard. There were many times I would have divorced your Grandma over the years.”

(Granny walks in, and I feel awkward considering what my Grandpa has just said.)

Grandma: “What are you two talking about?”

(I start to think of a lie to tell her, when my Grandpa repeats what he said.)

Grandma: “Pfft! I would have divorced you first!”

Grandpa: “No, you wouldn’t.”

(They proceed to argue about who would have divorced who first, despite the fact they’ve been happily married more than 40 years.)