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  • Can’t Be Sick Of You If I Tried
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  • Category: Golden Years

    Romance isn’t only the domain of the young. This category finds love tempered with honesty. Lots, and lots, and lots of honesty.

    He Isn’t Getting Cirque Du So Laid

    | Colombia | Family/Kids, Fights/Breakups, Golden Years, Marriage & Partners

    (I am witnessing my parents getting ready to go out for dinner on a date-night.)

    Mum: “Honey, how do I look?”

    Dad: “You’re so beautiful! Just as beautiful as when we met!”

    Mum: “Don’t you think I should wear some make-up?”

    Dad: “Oh, no, that makes you look like a clown!”

    Mum: “Excuse me?”

    Dad: “I mean, a beautiful clown… not that I’d fancy a clown; they’re actually quite scary. I don’t mean you’re scary; I’m just defending your natural beauty.”

    Mum: “But what’s wrong with wearing some make-up to look better? All women do it.”

    Dad: “But you’re not a woman.”

    Mum: “What?!”

    Dad: “I mean, you’re not like most women; they’re usually shallow and spoiled and—can we just pretend the last five minutes never happened?”

    Mum: “You know what? We should just skip dinner!” *storms off*

    Me: “What’s the problem with mum?”

    Dad: *jokingly* “She’s in a bad mood because her circus performance got postponed.”

    (Mum storms back, very agitated.)

    Mum: “And now you’re turning them against me? What did I ever do to you?”

    Dad: “Sorry dear, I’ve just realised you are a woman, after all.”

    Mum: “Really? Why?”

    Dad: “You’re insane!”

    One Is Further Up Than The Other

    | Denver, CO, USA | Golden Years, Marriage & Partners

    (I am watching ‘UP’ for the first time, while the husband is quietly on the internet by himself. After watching the intro montage, I get rather teary.)

    Me: “Can we be like that when we’re old?”

    Husband: “I can. You’ll be dead.”

    Make His Life A Living Bell

    | MN, USA | Golden Years, Marriage & Partners, Top

    (I am a cashier at a small town pharmacy. An older customer walks in making a jingling sound, and I see that he has bells tied to his shoelaces. It is August, and he appears anything but jolly, so I am perplexed by the bells.)

    Me: “Sir, if you don’t mind my asking: why the bells?”

    Customer: “My wife is going deaf, and she gets mad when I ‘sneak up on her.’ This was her solution.”

    Short-Hand, Long Marriage

    | Long Island, NY, USA | Golden Years, Marriage & Partners, Top

    (My parents have been married about 25 years. My mother is reading the paper in the living room and my father wanders in.)

    Dad: “Where’s my thingamajig?”

    Mum: *doesn’t even look up* “On top of the hoosiwhatsis.”

    (Dad walks into the next room, straight to the piano, and picks up his shaving kit bag.)

    The (Relationship) Status Of Society

    | Santa Clara, CA, USA | Golden Years, Marriage & Partners

    (I witness a conversation between my parents.)

    Dad: “Will you marry me?

    Mom: “What?”

    Dad: “On Facebook! Will you marry me?”

    Mom: “25 years of marriage, and it doesn’t count for anything unless we’re Facebook official?”

    Dad: “Yes!”

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