(I work at the bar end of a coffee shop. One day, two girls in their early twenties walk in and I overhear them talking about a popular TV show.)

Girl #1: “So I finally got to the pool scene! Officially ‘shipping’ Stiles and Derek, and I have no shame.”

Girl #2: “What? Why the h*** would anyone do that?! They aren’t gay!”

Girl #1: “Doesn’t mean I can’t like them together. Besides, Stiles is bi.”

Girl #2: “What? Ugh! I’ve lost all respect for that f**.”

Girl #1: “…he’s bi, not a f**.”

Girl #2: “That’s still a f**! It’s still a f****** queer!”

Girl #1: “I’m bi!”

Girl #2: “Oh, my God! You’re, like, gay?!”

Girl #1: “No! I’m bi! There’s a difference!”

Girl #2: “No, there’s not! I’m done with you, f****** f**!”

(By the time she storms out, the entire shop is staring at the first girl. She rubs her temple, and walks over from where she’d been standing in line, which is empty save for the person I’m just finishing serving.)

Girl #1: “Can I get a shot of tequila, or five?”

Me: “As long as you let me pay for them.”

(I asked her out the next week. Three months later, we’re still going strong. I’m male.)

(I’m male, and my boyfriend and I are sitting at a restaurant having dinner. We have been looking at rings for our engagement the previous weekend, but had decided that we would propose to each other on our own time. Currently gay marriage is still illegal in California.)

Boyfriend: “So, I know you want to have a ceremony. When were you thinking about having it?”

Me: “Oh, I don’t know. Not immediately that’s for sure. First off, it’s still illegal, and we also have like four weddings to attend this year.”

Boyfriend: “Okay, well that’s good.”

Me: “Why?”

Boyfriend: “Because I have your ring at home.”

Me: “What?!”

Boyfriend: “If you had said you wanted a ceremony immediately, I would have kept the ring for a little while. But since you’re willing to wait, I can give it to you now.”

Me: “Did you just propose to me?”

Boyfriend: “Yes.”

Me: “Well, I guess I accept then…”

(I gave him his ring a couple of months later, and we’re planning on getting married within a couple of years.)

(I’m serving as a groomsman for a friend of mine and his younger brother. They are both getting married on the same day, and having a double wedding. While their fiancées are shopping elsewhere in the mall, us guys are all being fitted for our tuxedos. I’ve already tried mine on, and changed back to my street clothes. While my friend and his brother are trying their tuxes on, an older customer walks into the store with her grandson.)

Older Customer: “Look, [grandson]! They’re getting ready to have a wedding! Isn’t that precious?”

(She approaches me.)

Older Customer: “Who’s the lucky groom?”

Me: “They are.”

(I point to my friend and his brother, who are both in their suits. When the woman sees that there are two men putting on tuxedos, she shrieks, and her eyes get huge.)

Older Customer: “Oh, my God! You’re f***! Get out! Out, out, out, out!”

(She tries to rush over and grab them, but the store clerk steps in front of them.)

Clerk: “Ma’am, I’m going to have to ask you not to harass my other customers.”

Older Customer: “Those are God-hating sodomites! They’re liberal scum! It’s because of people like them that we have things like 9/11, and Hurricane Katrina! How can you let heathen filth like that into your store?! God will smite you and your whole f**-loving business!”

Clerk: “I’m going to have to ask you to leave if you keep speaking like that.”

Me: “Look, lady, they’re not even—”

Older Customer: “Quiet, you! You’re probably a f** too! This is a Christian nation, so if you don’t like it, then GET OUT! I won’t have you corrupting my grandson with your sinful ways!”

(While she is ranting, my friend and his brother’s fiancées walk in and tap the customer on the shoulder.)

Older Customer: “What do you want, you shameless Jezebel?!”

Friend’s Fiancée: “I was wondering if you’re done screaming at my future husband?”

(Both fiancées cross their arms, but leave their engagement rings VERY visible. The woman looks from the brides to the grooms, and back again.)

Older Customer: “I, uh—”

Friend’s Fiancée: “—was just leaving? Yes, I thought so.”

(She hangs her head, and trudges out of the store; her confused grandson following.)

Clerk: *to my friend* “I see why you’re marrying her!”

(My partner and I are both male and geeks. I am making jokes, comparing us and a girl he knows, to popular fan couples of various series. We are both fairly masculine. We do not believe in the ‘one is the male, the other female’ roles, but my partner is often referred as the girl in the relationship.)

Me: “Okay, I’m Riku, you’re Sora, and [girl] is Xehanort.”

Partner: “Nah.”

Me: “Okay, I’m Peter Parker, you’re Mary Jane, and [girl] is Harry Osborn.”

Partner: “Why am I the girl?”

Me: “Fine, I’m Homura, you’re Madoka, and [girl] is Kyubey. Notice, while we’re both girls in this one, you’re the more feminine one.”

Partner: “HEY!”

Me: “I hate all these new boy bands. Even their names are cheesy. One Direction; what type of name is that?”

Fiancé: “One Direction… that reminds me of New Directions.”

Me: “Seriously? A Glee Reference? You’ve been making a few too many of those lately. You’re starting to have me worried. Do you have something you need to tell me?”

Fiancé: “What? It’s an awesome show.”

Me: “Okay, but it’s becoming your thing. I think you might be gay, love. It’s okay; you can tell me.”

Fiancé: “I love you!”

(A few days later, we are listening to a bunch of random music…)

Fiancé: “Is it sad that most of these songs are reminding me of Glee?”

Me: “No. It just means you’re gay.”

Fiancé: “I can just picture Shuester singing ‘Bust a Move’ right now.”

Me: “I wish I had never introduced you to that show. At least I know that I’m marrying a gay man.”

Fiancé: “Vanilla Ice, Ice, Baby!”

(A few days later, and we’re messaging online…)

Me: “I love you.”

Fiancé: “I lgbt you, too.”

Me: “You’re gay?! I knew it!”

Fiancé: “Autocorrect! I already have a hard enough time proving I’m straight to my future wife.”

Me: “It’s okay. You don’t have to go back into the closet. I still love you.”