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  • November Theme Of The Month: Crushes!

    Category: Long Distance

    They say absence makes the heart grow fonder, but it can also make it go yonder. This category is dedicated to long distance relationships, which are often filled with as much laughter and lunacy as with love.

    Doesn’t Make A Lick Of Sense

    | USA | Dating, Long Distance

    (My boyfriend and I are talking on Skype.)

    Me: “UGH!”

    Boyfriend: “Did your hand fall asleep?”

    Me: “Yes! Argh!” *indiscriminate anger noises*

    Boyfriend: “Try licking it.”

    Me: *lick* “Whath doeth that doth?”

    Boyfriend: “Nothing. Just wanted to see if you’d actually do it.”

    It’s Cute How He Gets Romance

    | Waterloo, ON, USA | Dating, Long Distance

    (I’m very widely known for being easily scared off by grand traditionally romantic gestures, and my relatively new and extremely romantic boyfriend knows it. However, I’m disappointed when I fly home for the long weekend and he isn’t at the airport to greet me after three months apart, even though he has the day off.)

    Me: “I was kind of sad when you weren’t there at the airport with [Friend] to pick me up. Guess you were busy though.”

    Boyfriend: “What? The first thing I wanted to do when I found out I had the day off was be there in a suit with flowers and a sign with your name on it, but I know you hate romantic things so I didn’t go!”

    Me: “Well, the flowers and suit might’ve been a bit much, but being there with a sign would’ve been cute!”

    Boyfriend: “…and romantic?”

    Me: “… well, no, there’s a difference between old-timey romantic and dorky cute. Showing up at the airport would be cute; a dozen roses would be romantic.”

    Boyfriend: “…”

    Me: “Okay, how about this: showing up outside my house with a candlelit picnic dinner and serenading me with a ukelele is romantic, surprising me late at night with pizza and a John Hughes movie is cute. Buying me a bouquet of flowers is romantic; making me a bouquet of beer is cute.”


    Me: “Okay. If it’s something you could imagine in a 60’s movie, it’s…” *gestures at him to answer*

    Boyfriend: “GOOD! Yeah?”

    Me: *facepalm* “We’ll go over this in more detail later.”

    (Just to clarify, I totally appreciate my oblivious boyfriend. I’d been doing little cute things for him for a while, and was confused as to the lack of reciprocation, because it seemed unlike him. I just never realized *how* oblivious he was, and all was forgiven!)

    Splitting Heads And Mending Hearts

    | Scotland, UK | Long Distance

    (I’m sitting at home in Canada, talking to my fiancée who is in a coffee shop in Scotland and on Skype, when I decide to serenade her.)

    Me: *singing the verse*

    “How Do I Love You, Count The Ways
    I Love You Like The Dane Axe
    Loves The Enemy’s Face…”

    The Stark Naked Life-Changer

    | USA | Dating, Long Distance

    (My boyfriend and I are in a long distance relationship. I frequently like to call him on the phone when he doesn’t pick up his Skype. This time, I call him while he is finishing up his shower, and this conversation takes place when he is back on Skype after the shower.)

    Me: *flabbergasted* “I still don’t see why you even picked up in the first place!”

    Boyfriend: *nonchalantly* “Well, I was just enjoying the warm water, and I figured that it was you who was calling, so I picked up.”

    Me: *I still find it extremely odd* “But that is weird!”

    Boyfriend: “How is it weird?”

    Me: *acting as if it defies physics* “You don’t just pick up the phone while you are showering!”

    Boyfriend: “It was just a phone call. So what?”

    Me: “No, you don’t see how it was weird. You picked up the phone when you were butt-naked!!! That is weird!”

    Boyfriend: “So what? Not like you can see me naked.”

    Me: “But you still were! Talking on the phone when one person just got out of the shower is like standing outside of their bathroom nonchalantly talking to them! It is just weird.”

    Boyfriend: “…Sweetie, did you ever stop to think that maybe you are the weird one?”

    Me: *as if all my life has been a lie* “No… I am going to hide in a corner now and rethink life.”

    Boyfriend: “You go do that, Sweetie. Love you!”

    Me:*whines* “I don’t know myself anymore…”

    Very Soppy Soup

    | USA | Dating, Long Distance

    (I’ve met a guy I really like while traveling for work. After a lovely week together, our work locations both move and we are separated but still keeping in touch. Although it’s clear we’re both rather fond of each other, we’ve carefully avoided using the word “love” due to the distance problem. One night on the phone…)

    Guy: “At lunch today I saw wild rice soup on the menu and I said, ‘I love wild rice soup!’ And then I thought how stupid it is that I can say I love soup, but I can’t say I love you.”

    Me: “Hey, [Guy]?”

    Guy: *keeps talking* “I mean, why is everyone so afraid of those words? Why does it have to be such a big deal? It’s really—”

    Me: “[Guy]!”

    Guy: *finally stops* “What?”

    Me: “I love you.”

    Guy: “Oh, my god. I love you, too!”

    (I will always have a special place in my heart for wild rice soup after this!)

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