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  • Not In A Rush To Have Another One
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  • Category: Long Distance

    They say absence makes the heart grow fonder, but it can also make it go yonder. This category is dedicated to long distance relationships, which are often filled with as much laughter and lunacy as with love.

    When Pillow Talk Gets Dark

    | Slovakia | Dating, Long Distance

    (I am chatting over webcam with my long distance boyfriend. I’m half-way through describing how much I love him.)

    Me: “…sorry, sweetie, I have to stop. I’m going to ask you a weird request.”

    Boyfriend: “Right…”

    Me: “Can you just pick up the pillow directly to your left, and then fluff it, and put it back.”

    Boyfriend: *does this, looking at me like I’m crazy* “So?”

    Me: “No, put it back. Then I’ll tell you.”

    Boyfriend: *puts back the pillow very carefully and precisely, and then looks at me nervously*

    Me: “It’s just it was folded in such a way that it looked like a demon baby face, and I was trying to ignore it but I couldn’t. It was just THERE and I’d try looking at you but my eyes kept looking at it!”

    Boyfriend: *rolls around in tears laughing at me for at least 30 seconds* “Oh, I think I love you even more!”

    Every Time I Think Of You I Wipe Myself

    | NY, USA | Dating, Long Distance

    (My boyfriend and I are in a long-distance relationship. We are discussing things to do during our upcoming weekend together.)

    Me: “Do you plan on going running or jogging with me this weekend? Or would you rather just take it easy?”

    Boyfriend: “I want to spend each and every non-toilet second with you.”

    Me: “That’s so… sweet.”

    Long Distance Can Put You In A Daze For Days

    | Curacao, Netherlands Antilles | Dating, Long Distance

    (My boyfriend and I are in a long distance relationship, and counting down to the next visit. At this point it’s 10 more days, so the next day is ‘single digit’ day. It’s also Monday.)

    Me: “Guess what day it is tomorrow?”

    Boyfriend: *while I’m typing the next sentence* “Thursday.”

    Me: “TOMORROW IS SINGLE DIGIT DAY— Wait a minute. That’s not even correct. Tomorrow is Tuesday. Are you even trying?”

    I Love You More If There Is Any Poetic Justice

    | The Netherlands | Dating, Long Distance

    (My boyfriend and I live in different countries. We usually talk through some form of chat programme.)

    Me: “I miss you…”

    Boyfriend: “I miss you, too. We’ll be together again soon, my love. And even if the land is separated by the wildest of seas, I will find my way back to you. No matter the height of the mountain, nor the depth of the ocean, nothing will keep me from you.”

    Me: “That’s beautiful. I love you more!”

    Boyfriend: “Excuse you. I just wrote poetry. I think I love you more.”

    Love Stinks

    | The Netherlands | Dating, Long Distance

    (I’m currently spending a semester abroad in Europe and am texting my boyfriend about my recent trip to the Keukenhof tulip gardens in the Netherlands.)

    Me: “Also, I wish you were here because it was kinda lonely to go by myself and it would’ve been romantic to be with you!”

    Boyfriend: “I wish I was there, too… It would be really romantic, and just nice to be around you.”

    Me: “Though a) to be fair, everything in Europe is romantic and b) anywhere that I’m with you would be romantic.”

    Boyfriend: “Oh, really?”

    Me: “I could probably enjoy touring a sewage plant as long as I was with you!”

    Boyfriend: “I love you!”

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