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    Category: Long Distance

    They say absence makes the heart grow fonder, but it can also make it go yonder. This category is dedicated to long distance relationships, which are often filled with as much laughter and lunacy as with love.

    Every Time I Think Of You I Wipe Myself

    | NY, USA | Dating, Long Distance

    (My boyfriend and I are in a long-distance relationship. We are discussing things to do during our upcoming weekend together.)

    Me: “Do you plan on going running or jogging with me this weekend? Or would you rather just take it easy?”

    Boyfriend: “I want to spend each and every non-toilet second with you.”

    Me: “That’s so… sweet.”

    Long Distance Can Put You In A Daze For Days

    | Curacao, Netherlands Antilles | Dating, Long Distance

    (My boyfriend and I are in a long distance relationship, and counting down to the next visit. At this point it’s 10 more days, so the next day is ‘single digit’ day. It’s also Monday.)

    Me: “Guess what day it is tomorrow?”

    Boyfriend: *while I’m typing the next sentence* “Thursday.”

    Me: “TOMORROW IS SINGLE DIGIT DAY— Wait a minute. That’s not even correct. Tomorrow is Tuesday. Are you even trying?”

    I Love You More If There Is Any Poetic Justice

    | The Netherlands | Dating, Long Distance

    (My boyfriend and I live in different countries. We usually talk through some form of chat programme.)

    Me: “I miss you…”

    Boyfriend: “I miss you, too. We’ll be together again soon, my love. And even if the land is separated by the wildest of seas, I will find my way back to you. No matter the height of the mountain, nor the depth of the ocean, nothing will keep me from you.”

    Me: “That’s beautiful. I love you more!”

    Boyfriend: “Excuse you. I just wrote poetry. I think I love you more.”

    Love Stinks

    | The Netherlands | Dating, Long Distance

    (I’m currently spending a semester abroad in Europe and am texting my boyfriend about my recent trip to the Keukenhof tulip gardens in the Netherlands.)

    Me: “Also, I wish you were here because it was kinda lonely to go by myself and it would’ve been romantic to be with you!”

    Boyfriend: “I wish I was there, too… It would be really romantic, and just nice to be around you.”

    Me: “Though a) to be fair, everything in Europe is romantic and b) anywhere that I’m with you would be romantic.”

    Boyfriend: “Oh, really?”

    Me: “I could probably enjoy touring a sewage plant as long as I was with you!”

    Boyfriend: “I love you!”

    How To Shave Your Relationship, Part 3

    | Paris, France | Dating, Long Distance

    (My boyfriend and I are in a long distance relationship. He’s in Alberta, Canada; I’m in Paris. This takes place during a video chat regarding his facial hair. I’m a girl.)

    Me: “Please promise you’ll get rid of that goatee before I get back. I think it’s hideous.”

    Boyfriend: “Nah, I think it looks great!” *starts rubbing it*

    Me: “If you don’t shave it off, I’ll grow my own goatee. See how you like it!”

    Boyfriend: “Sweet! We can dye it the same color and have matching goatees!”

    Me: “Seriously? … Fine: half pink, half purple. How about that?”

    Boyfriend: *gasp* “CAN WE BRAID THEM?!”

    Me: “I love you, weirdo.”

    Related:
    How To Shave Your Relationship, Part 2
    How To Shave Your Relationship


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