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    Category: Long Distance

    They say absence makes the heart grow fonder, but it can also make it go yonder. This category is dedicated to long distance relationships, which are often filled with as much laughter and lunacy as with love.


    | Sydney, NSW, Australia | Dating, Long Distance, Themed Giveaway

    (I’ve been seeing a friend. We go to university on different campuses six hours away from each other. He’s coming home for Christmas. We make plans to play ‘Magic: the Gathering,’ a game we both love. We are talking online and he mentions he has built a fancy new deck to play against mine, meaning I will be losing.)

    Me: “If you let me win a few games, I’ll have sex with you.”

    Friend: “Can I just concede straight away or do you want me to play it out?”

    Me: “Think about how you want me in the bedroom. Do you want me to concede or play it out?”

    Friend: “I look forward to an interesting night.”

    Cuddling And Unparted And Departed

    | TX, USA | Dating, Long Distance, Themed Giveaway

    (My boyfriend and I are currently long distance while we are in college. I can’t sleep and text him in the middle of the night telling him I miss him and I’m thinking about him.)

    Boyfriend: “What are you thinking about?”

    Me: “How it’s really cold and I wish I could cuddle with you.”

    Boyfriend: “I wish I could cuddle you to death until we both die!”

    Me: “That’s the sweetest/creepiest thing I’ve ever heard.”

    Reading The Signs

    | WI, USA | Dating, Long Distance

    (I’m in college, and am about to go on my first in-person date with my long-distance girlfriend. I’m home for winter break, and we’ve met at my parents’ house. She arrives and we have introductions all around. My mom offers food, and all the standard greetings have occurred. Once the hubbub has died down, I pull out a paperback, sit down on the couch, and start reading. My mom enters the room and lets out an exasperated sigh.)

    Mom: “[My Name], what are you doing?! Pay attention to—”

    (Coming closer, she sees my girlfriend is sitting on the floor. Her head is resting against my knee as she’s reading her own paperback.)

    Mom: “Never mind. You two are perfect for each other.”

    (We are now married and our book collection takes up a dozen bookshelves!)

    Playing With The Fiscal Midriff

    , | USA | Dating, Long Distance

    (Because my boyfriend and I attend different colleges, we only get to see each other for a day or two, every two to three weeks. As such, whenever we do have time together, there is a lot of casual physical contact. We are lying in bed as we talk. My hands are on his chest and my legs are intertwined in his.)

    Me: “So, if Congress hadn’t gone back in session, we would have gone over the fiscal cliff, right?”

    Boyfriend: “Mhmm.”

    (He grabs my hips and slides his fingers under the jean waistline.)

    Me: “But wait, what exactly is the fiscal cliff?”

    (I end up rolling on top of him and straddling his hips; I’m toying with the hem of his shirt.)

    Boyfriend: “It’s pretty much where we pay off all of our debts and suffer the consequences.”

    (The general touching and moving continues to increase nonchalantly in this manner.)

    Me: “So, it’d be like the shut down, but worse, and a whole lot longer. Once we got out of it, however, would we’d be debt free and squeaky clean?”

    Boyfriend: “Yep. It’d be really bad, but we’d still have things like scholarships for instate students, since it’s funded by the lottery.”

    Me: “Do you realize that we’re having a pretty comprehensive conversation about economics, and we’re not even really paying attention to the fact that we’re grinding on one another? Is this normal?”

    Boyfriend: “How am I supposed to know?”

    If He Only Had A Brain

    | USA | Dating, Long Distance

    (I’m in a long distance relationship with my girlfriend, chatting on IM. She’s just told me it’s getting very windy outside her house, and they’re expecting a severe storm.)

    Me: “Just stay safe, okay?”

    Girlfriend: “I will. I’m staying inside.”

    Me: “Dorothy did that, and look where it got her.”

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