(My partner lives an hour away, so I only see him on weekends. It’s the day after he left from a weekend visit, and we’re texting.)

Me: “I miss you already. I wish my big and strong man were here.”

Boyfriend: “Aww. I miss you too.”

Me: “Yeah. I have this gigantic zit on my back that really hurts. I can’t reach it, and my roommate is too grossed out by my request for him to pop it for me.”

Related:
Say Zip About The Zit

(Our relationship is long distance and my boyfriend is on webcam at his friend’s house. It’s Valentine’s Day and he’s been calling me a cow, and I’ve been calling him a yak all night, but others are unaware we’re just joking.)

Boyfriend: *very sarcastically* “This is so fun. You should plan this again for next Valentine’s Day, cow.”

Boyfriend’s Friend: *laughs, a little shocked* “Well gee, [boyfriend's name], I love you too! What a wonderful relationship!”

Me: “What do you expect from a yak?”

(I am on phone with my long-distance boyfriend. As my laptop is out for repair, I am so bored that I keep calling him the whole day. This leads to him telling me to stop suffocating him. After a while, we are both cool about the comment and are joking about it. He then calls me.)

Me: “Babe, are you on a suicide mission?”

Boyfriend: “Why do u ask that?”

Me: “Am I not suffocating you? Aren’t you gasping for breath?”

(It finally strikes him, he makes gasping for breath noises.)

Boyfriend: “Yes I am dying, but I would rather die talking to you than not talking to you.”

(My boyfriend and I are in a long distance relationship. We met online and I have just booked my flight to Canada to see him. We’re texting.)

Boyfriend: “Oh, babe, I can’t wait to see you. I just wanna hug you to death!”

Me: “But then I’d be dead. Can you just hug me half to death?”

(My boyfriend and I are in a long distance relationship. I am a ‘Grammar Nazi’. The conversation thus far has been very silly.)

Boyfriend: “You are adorable.”

Me: “Amen’t!”

*short pause*

Me: “I just put proper punctuation in a word that doesn’t grammatically exist.”