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Category: Themed Giveaway

How To Shave Your Relationship, Part 2

| UK | Marriage & Partners, Themed Giveaway

(I have recently been growing a beard which just happens to make me resemble a famous actor.)

Wife: “I really need to remember the name of that actor.”

Me: “How come?”

Wife: “So I know who to fantasize about next time we have sex.”

Me: “You’re so sweet, dear.”

How To Shave Your Relationship

Never Sausage A Sight Before, Part 2

| ON, Canada | Dating, Themed Giveaway

(My boyfriend’s mother likes to keep the house quite cold. However, I get cold very easily. My boyfriend and I are watching TV on the couch.  I am wrapped in a furry brown blanket to keep warm and have it pulled up to my chin.)

Boyfriend: “You’re so cute. You’re like a sausage that’s been left out of the fridge for months. You’re all furry.”

Never Sausage A Sight Before

Looking For His Bag Lady

| VA, USA | Flirting/How We Met, Marriage & Partners, Themed Giveaway

(I pick up some fresh kale and don’t bother to get a produce bag for it. I then go over to another section to compare prices on a couple things. There is a guy nearby, stocking items.)

Guy: “Need a bag for that?”

Me: *polite smile* “No, I’m good. Thanks.”

Guy: “You sure?”

Me: “Yeah, I’m sure.”

Guy: “Why don’t you want a bag?”

Me: *slightly confused as to why this is such an issue* “Because I don’t need one?”

Guy: *with an attitude* “Well I guess that’s what I get. I’m just trying to be nice. But nice guys finish last, right?”

(My eyes go wide and I turn and stare at the shelves in front of me for a few seconds, utterly confused. I finally got to check the prices and then I go over to my husband who is not far away. I tell him what happened.)

Husband: “All that over a bag? I thought he was just hitting on you. The look on your face was priceless.”

Me: “Yeah, that’s what I thought originally, but obviously harassing me about not taking a bag seemed like a better choice.”

Husband: “He just wanted to bag you! Why wouldn’t you let him bag you!”

(Sometimes my husband is funny. This was not one of those times.)

Failed Him For The Last Time, Part 2

| The Netherlands | Dating, Themed Giveaway

(My boyfriend and I have just eaten a very large meal, and we’re lying on the couch, feeling very stuffed.)

Me: “Go get up and get the remote so we can watch TV and not have to move.”

Boyfriend: “Eh… Why can’t you get it!?”

Me: “You’re allowed to use the force if it works.”

(He stretches out his hand towards the remote. Nothing happens.)

Me: “I don’t think it’s working. I guess you’ll have to do it yourself.”

(He puts his hand around my throat.)

Me: “Are you trying to choke me?”

Boyfriend: “But it didn’t work! You said I had to do it myself!”

Me: “Were you trying to force-choke me?! I thought you were getting the remote!”

Boyfriend: “I thought that if I choked you, you’d get all happy and start bouncing around the room and get the remote.”

Me: “I don’t get excited from being choked!”

Boyfriend: “Actually, you do.”

Me: “…”

Boyfriend: “You didn’t think this through, did you?”

Me: *sigh* “You win. I’ll get the remote.”

Failed Him For The Last Time

Deadly Honest

| Fresno, CA, USA | Dating, Themed Giveaway

(During a conversation with my boyfriend regarding his need for me to point out when he has to have important errands completed, like laundry and paying for permits, this comes up. This takes place while it is raining hard and we are driving.)

Me: *gleefully yelling* “Where would you ever be without me!”

Boyfriend: *flatly* “Dead. I’d be dead.”

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