Husband: “I’m going to defer to your judgment on this, since you are the more sensible one.”

Me: “Oh, wow, I am! I’m so used to you being better at me than everything. But you’re very abstract and factual in your intelligence, while I’m more down to earth and practical.”

Husband: “Thank you.”

Me: “I’m so used to you being right all the time. It’s one of the qualities I married you for. Haha, it’s because you’re Mr. Right—”

Husband: “—I want a divorce.”

Related:
Divorce For Dessert

(My boyfriend proposes after a seven-year relationship. We are not religious, even though his parents are. We are having dinner with his parents.)

Dad: “You two had better become Christians. You need to thank God; he made it happen.”

Fiancé: “We don’t believe in God. I understand you do, and we respect it. But please don’t push it on us. We are getting married because we want it to happen; not God, nor anyone else.”

Mom: “I think you need to reconsider. Two nights ago, we were wondering when you would marry. I prayed to God for you to marry, and it worked!”

Dad: “Yep. So it is God’s work. Who knows how many more years you’d go on without proposing if we hadn’t prayed?”

Fiancé: “Did you say just two nights ago?”

Dad: “Yes!”

Fiancé: “I started ring shopping three weeks ago, and bought it last week.”

Mom: “Well, you probably would have just kept it, and been afraid to ask if we hadn’t prayed!”

(I have been telling my boyfriend about a good friend’s engagement—in all its cheesiness. They have been dating just as long as my boyfriend and I.)

Boyfriend: “Yeah, I’m never going to do that. In all honesty, I’d only want to get married for the insurance and tax benefits.”

Me: “And the wedding gifts.”

Boyfriend: “I’m not worth marrying anyway. Don’t marry me for me; marry me for something bigger. We’d have to have a house first, so you couldn’t leave me. A house with a jacuzzi.”

Me: “I’d marry you for a jacuzzi.”

(My husband and I met when I was working at a travel store. He had stopped in to look at satellite radios, and I was the one who ended up helping him. We’re talking about how we met a few years later.)

Husband: “Yeah, I just came in to buy a radio, and there you were.”

Me: “Well, it’s not like I was nice to you. I was mean to almost everybody so they’d leave me alone.”

Husband: “I know! But when you went and got the radio out of the case, you stayed kneeling on the ground and your pants slid down a little on the back and I could see your butt a little.”

Me: “Seriously?!”

Husband: “Well, yeah! You didn’t think I was looking at a radio for twenty minutes, did you?”

Entering is as easy as 1-2-3:

1. Submit a funny or interesting story about marriage or partners!
2. Enter your email address in the form to qualify.
3. All posted stories will be entered in a drawing to win a free t-shirt gift certificate, to use in the official Not Always Romantic shop!

PS: winners will be announced the first Wednesday of every month. Next free t-shirt gift certificate: Wednesday, June 5!