(Note: This takes place on New Year’s Eve. I am a young woman with pillar box red hair. The male cashier at the music store speaks to his coworker, but loud enough for everyone to hear).

Cashier: “You can go to the other till. I want to serve this beautiful young lady with the awesome hair. What can I do for you, madam?”

Me: “Uhm, just this, please.”

Cashier: “And will you be going out in [local road] tonight so I can celebrate with you?”

Me: “Sorry, I’m not local.”

Cashier: “Well, I hope you know, you’ve just ruined the whole of this year for me. And the next one. ”

(I giggle and go to leave, blushing.)

Cashier: *calling across the shop* “I HOPE THAT MAKES YOU FEEL GUILTY ENOUGH TO COME BACK AND GIVE ME YOUR PHONE NUMBER!”

(The whole shop cracks up. I didn’t go back, but if I hadn’t been attached it might have worked!)

(My boyfriend is very smell-sensitive. I’m showing him the new lotion scent I bought.)

Me: “What do you think?”

Boyfriend: “No. Reminds me of an old girlfriend.”

Me: “Oh, okay. I just won’t wear it around you then.”

Boyfriend: “That’s alright, it’s like having two girls at once!”

(I was talking with my long-distance girlfriend on Skype a few days before we would see each other over Christmas.)

Girlfriend: “Guess what!”

Me: “I don’t know, sweetie, what?”

Girlfriend: “I like you! Guess what else?”

Me: *laughs* “Aw, I like you too! And I don’t know, honey, what?”

Girlfriend: “I pooped twice today.”

Me: “…yay?”

(I’m pouring seltzer into my orange juice.)

Me: “Blame my mother. I can’t drink juice straight.”

Boyfriend: “This is why you will die in the apocalypse. I love you, but you’ll die.”

(My husband and I are joking about the cost of some of his supplies for college, including a new laptop.)

Me: “Man, honey! You are an expensive date!”

Husband: “No, I’m not an expensive date. In fact, I’m relatively cheap!”

Me: *sarcastically* “Oh, really?”

Husband: “Yeah! It’s just the upkeep that’s costly!”