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    Needs To Slow-Mo Down

    | TX, USA | Dating

    (I just sent my boyfriend a link to a gif of B-Mo from Adventure Time.)

    Boyfriend: “B-Mo! If you dressed him in black and white stripes, he would be Bee-Mo!”

    Me: “When he’s really happy, he’s Glee-Mo.”

    Boyfriend: “When he’s sad, is he E-Mo?”

    Me: “When he’s dragged behind a boat, he’s Ski-Mo. When he’s going to the bathroom, he’s Pee-Mo. When he looks like me, he’s Me-Mo. When he’s a tiny bug, he’s Flea-Mo. When he’s a girl, he’s She-Mo. When he’s out in the ocean, he’s Sea-Mo. When he’s being cheesy, he’s Brie-Mo. When he’s not in prison, he’s Free-Mo. When he’s drinking a chai latte, he’s Tea-Mo. When he unlocks doors, he’s Key-Mo. When there’s two more of him, he’s Three-Mo. When he sprouts leaves, he’s Tree-Mo.”

    Boyfriend: “That is wonderful!”

    Me: “I think I’m all out.”

    Boyfriend: “I think I love you!”

    Should Be A Trifle Concerned

    | NB, Canada | Dating

    (My girlfriend and I are lying in bed. I playfully grab her behind.)

    Girlfriend: “Hey!”

    Me: “I can do that. I’m allowed to.”

    Girlfriend: *quoting the song “Bootylicious”* “I don’t think you’re ready for this jelly.”

    Me: “I am totally and completely ready for this jelly.”

    Girlfriend: “In this situation I am doubtful of your jelly preparedness.”

    Me: “I am jelly prepared. This jelly is my destiny. I have trained for this my entire life. Any jelly that I have been involved with in the past was merely practice for this one jelly.”

    Girlfriend: “I’m not sure whether I should be amused, complimented, or offended.”

    Me: “Probably a healthy dose of all three.”

    Getting Ahead In Self-Diagnosis

    | Belgium | Dating

    (We are talking in bed before we go to sleep. I always fear the worst when people get sick.)

    Boyfriend: “I keep getting really bad headaches lately.”

    Me: “Maybe you should see a doctor?”

    Boyfriend: “Nah. It’s just headache. What are they gonna do?”

    Me: “Well, maybe something is wrong?”

    Boyfriend: “Like what?”

    Me: “I don’t know… Worst case, a brain tumor or something. You never know!”

    Boyfriend: “That’s not possible. I don’t have that.”

    Me: “What, tumors?”

    Boyfriend: “No, brains!”

    Getting Their Franchises All Muggled Up

    | Madison, WI, USA | Dating

    (My boyfriend and I have been dating for a couple of weeks. He is really into Star Wars, and I love Harry Potter. We are texting sweet/nerdy things to each other.)

    Boyfriend: “Lame joke alert: Well, you do have me under your spell.”

    Me: “Good. We witches can certainly enchant mere Muggles.”

    Boyfriend: “I really need to find the Jedi Academy.”

    Me: “Oh?”

    Boyfriend: “Yeah, a Jedi and a witch together? Would be awesome!”

    Me: “OH, MY GOD! YES!”

    When Your Ex Does A Real Job On You

    | New York, NY, USA | Exes/Old Flames

    (Several years ago I started seeing a guy I met online. We only dated a couple months, but had been talking about working together right before our breakup. We went ahead with that, to great success. Years later, we’re in our company’s office, talking with a colleague. He’s also a friend of my ex’s/business partner’s, and has just gone through a breakup himself.)

    Friend: “So, yeah. I think I’m ready to start dating again.”

    My Ex: “Really? Good for you.”

    Friend: “Yeah. I’m even considering doing the online dating thing, but I don’t know how well it’d work. Have either you guys ever done that?”

    My Ex & Me: “Uh… yeah.”

    Friend: “Really? You did? How well did it work?”

    Me: *gesturing to my ex* “Well, it’s how I met this guy. So, I can’t say it worked for dating but it was a great job hunting tool!”


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