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    A Warming Friendtionship

    | PA, USA | Flirting/How We Met

    (My best friend and are I are incredibly close, to the point where people think we are dating. My friend is male, while I am female. We go out on weekly dinner dates during school, and this happens on one of our ‘dates.’)

    Me: “You know, [Mutual Friend] asked me yesterday if we were ‘a thing.'”

    Him: “Yeah, my parents asked my sister the same thing.”

    Me: “Are we not allowed to have friends of the opposite gender without getting asked if we are together?

    (At this point I pretend to lay down on the table in exasperation and he grabs my hands to warm his own hands up. He continues to hold my hands across that table until he feels his hands are adequately warm.)

    Me: “You know, this might be why people think we are dating…”

    Him: “I was thinking the same thing!”

    The Worst At Being The Best

    | USA | Dating

    (On the phone with my boyfriend, being disgustingly cute.)

    Me: “You’re the best.”

    Boyfriend: “No, YOU’RE the best.”

    Me: “No…YOU’RE the best!”

    Boyfriend: “My rebuttal is this: …YOU’RE the best!”

    Me: “And MY rebuttal is this: I concede that I’m the best… but only because YOU MADE me the best! Ha!”

    Boyfriend: “My rebuttal is that you are the best because I made you the best. However, YOU bring out the best in ME. So, you’re still 100% guilty.”

    Me: “So, it’s still all my fault?”

    Boyfriend: “Yep. I find you guilty of the crime of love. I hereby sentence you to one hundred hours of cuddling!”

    Wakey Crazy

    | QLD, Australia | Dating

    (I have a habit of waking up a little earlier than my boyfriend, and often am ‘in the mood’ when I wake up. I have been known to say ‘wakey wakey eggs and bakey’ in a sing song voice as he’s trying to wake up. On this particular occasion, I didn’t sleep very well but my boyfriend woke up before me, and I was still clinging to the last hope of a few more minutes of shut eye. He cuddles up to spoon behind me, and has wandering hands and is kissing my neck. I’m groaning and trying to stay asleep. His hand slips into my pj pants as he sings into my ear:)

    Boyfriend: “Wakey, wakey, fingers and snakey!”

    (Neither of us got much in the way of romance until we had stopped laughing!)

    One Foot In Reality

    | Umea, Sweden | Marriage & Partners

    (My husband has an early shift in the morning, and he usually struggles to get to sleep, but I have convinced him to go to bed at a decent time. I’m lying next to him reading when he suddenly shifts into a position that makes him snore horribly, to the point where I’m worried he is hurting himself. I carefully nudge him to make him turn over.)

    Husband: *waking up* “Huh? What’s going on?”

    Me: “I’m sorry; you were snoring. I just tried to make you turn.”

    (My husband grunts and walks off to the bathroom. I go into the kitchen for a glass of water. After a minute, he comes in and gives me a hug.)

    Me: “I am really sorry. I didn’t mean to wake you up… I just wanted to make you turn over.”

    Husband: “It’s okay. I would have woken up anyway.”

    (We head back to bed and I start rubbing his feet to make him relax and go back to sleep.)

    Husband: “Mmmh… I wish it felt this good when doing it to yourself.”

    Me: “I know, right?”

    Husband: “But nobody would get any work done.”

    (Pause.)

    Husband: *sleepily* “It feels like it’s in the US Navy.”

    Me: *confused* “I… uh… wha…? Your foot feels like it’s in the US Navy?”

    Husband: *happily* “Yeah!”

    Me: *straining to contain laughter* “Are you asleep already?”

    Husband: *lifting his head to look at me, while forcefully stating* “I am most definitely awake!”

    Me: *chuckling* “Oookay… I’ll just ask you what that’s supposed to mean in the morning then, shall I?”

    Husband: *smiles contently and snuggles back down into the pillows*

    (The next morning I text him.)

    Me: “So, uh, what does it feel like to have your foot in the US Navy?”

    Husband: “What the h***?”

    Drinking Like A Dothraki Warlord

    | Calgary, AB, Canada | Dating

    (My boyfriend comes home from work and finds me rummaging in the fridge.)

    Me: “I had a couple of beers in here. Did you drink them?”

    Boyfriend: “Is that any way to greet your beloved?”

    Me: “Oh, my sun and stars, most precious pearl, and light of my eyes – where’s my booze?”


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