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  • Bit Off More Than They Could Chew
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    Thinks He’s A Real Rib-Tickler

    | FL, USA | Dating

    (I’m in bed with my boyfriend and petting our Dodson named Rusty. I notice one of his ribs sticks out a little bit.)

    Me: “Babe, what’s this lump on Rusty?”

    Boyfriend: “He’s always had that. He’s ribbed for her pleasure.”

    At This Rate They’ll Be Honey-mooning In Pollen-esia

    | Roseville, MN, USA | Dating

    (About a year ago, my boyfriend put a bee sticker on my phone to cheer me up when I was having a bad day. A couple days ago, I told him I was sad because it had almost completely peeled off. I’m texting my boyfriend while on my lunch break and finally notice that he had put a new bee sticker on it.)

    Me: “So, I’m blind. I only just noticed that you put another bee on my phone. Thank you. I love it.”

    Boyfriend: “I wondered if you noticed it or not.”

    Me: “I haven’t really looked at my phone much until I started my break. But jeez, how blind can I beeeeee?”

    Boyfriend: “You just didn’t have time to stop and look because you were so buzzy with work.”

    Me: “Yeah, I was constantly flying from place to place.”

    Boyfriend: “It`s ok. I forgive you, honey.”

    Me: “Trying to think of more puns is becoming a sticky situation.”

    Boyfriend: “My pun-fu is superior. Feel the sting of shame!”

    Me: “Aaaahhh! It’s horrible! Absolutebee horrible!”

    Boyfriend: “That was adorable. I love you. You`re my queen.”

    When The Sheep Start Counting You

    | Canberra, ACT, Australia | Dating

    (My boyfriend has the tendency to talk in his sleep. One night I thought he may have been awake, and had this exchange.)

    Boyfriend: “The sheep are coming.”

    Me: “What, sweetie?”

    Boyfriend: *rolls over to face me* “The connection is broken. The sheep are coming.”

    (Didn’t hear a thing for the rest of the night. When I asked, he had no recollection of this, but agreed it was definitely something he would say.)

    A Rich Vision Of The Future

    | Alexandria, VA, USA | Dating

    (My girlfriend accidentally implies she is a gold digger. I am a hard working entrepreneur. As she attempts to persuade me of her serious interest I laugh. Note; she is bisexual.)

    Me: “Babe, you are a HORRIBLE gold digger. You need to step up your game. I mean, we should be having fantastic, borderline illegal sex FAR more often, and shouldn’t you be regularly bringing women home for threesomes?”

    Girlfriend: “You’re not rich yet!”

    The Situation Remains Fluid

    | UK | Dating

    (My boyfriend are I are lying in bed. He’s been working the early shift so he has fallen asleep on my chest whilst I continue watching television.)

    Me: *noticing the growing puddle of dribble forming on my pajama top* “Babe…”

    Boyfriend: *suddenly sits bolt upright and looks at me* “Eww, you’re all sweaty.”

    (He then gave me a disgusted look and rolled over whilst I had to mop up the drool. Thanks, babe.)


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