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  • Be Quiet Or There Will Be The Devil To Pay
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  • Till Undeath Do Us Part, Part 37

    | Phoenix, AZ, USA | Dating

    (My boyfriend and I are standing in my kitchen when I decide to ask him the age old question.)

    Me: “What would you do if I was turned into a zombie?”

    Boyfriend: “Well, I’d be really sad… but in all actuality, probably double tap.”

    Till Undeath Do Us Part, Part 36
    Till Undeath Do Us Part, Part 35
    Till Undeath Do Us Part, Part 34

    His Opinion Is Locked In

    | Sydney, NSW, Australia | Fights/Breakups, Marriage & Partners

    (My husband and I live in a second floor unit. I like leaving the door to the veranda open. Once I went out and left it open.)

    Husband: “I wish you wouldn’t leave the veranda door open. What if you go out and forget it again?”

    Me: “We are two floors up and no one can actually see the door from the street to even realise it is open.”

    Husband:  ”You always forget things. You didn’t lock the front door today.”

    Me:  ”I was here. I left it unlocked because you were going to be here ten minutes later.”

    Husband: *getting angry* “You always forget. Make sure you remember to lock it in future.”

    (Two days later I head out to work, husband is still in bed. I open the door to find his keys still in the lock.)

    Me: “You left your keys in the door all night!”

    Husband:  ”Accidents happen.”

    Every Time I Think Of You I Wipe Myself

    | NY, USA | Dating, Long Distance

    (My boyfriend and I are in a long-distance relationship. We are discussing things to do during our upcoming weekend together.)

    Me: “Do you plan on going running or jogging with me this weekend? Or would you rather just take it easy?”

    Boyfriend: “I want to spend each and every non-toilet second with you.”

    Me: “That’s so… sweet.”

    Romance Can Catch You With Your Pants Down

    | NY, USA | Engaged

    (While very loving, my fiancé is not known for grand romantic gestures. Therefore, it’s a surprise when he grabs my wrist as I pass by with the laundry and looks sincerely into my eyes.)

    Fiancé: “Thank you. Thank you for everything you do for me. Thank you for enriching my life. Thank you. Thank you for loving me.”

    Me: “Aw!” *pause* “That’d be so much sweeter if you’d been wearing pants!”

    Holding Your Opinion In High Irregard

    | CA, USA | Dating, Engaged

    (My sister has recently gotten a new boyfriend, and my fiancée and I are talking about them after one my classes. It should be noted that I am quite the grammar cop and will poke fun at my friends if they get something wrong.)

    Me: “So, [Sister's Boyfriend] is totally down with dressing up and spending time in the city.”

    Fiancée: “Ooh, that’d be fun.”

    Me: “Of course, it can’t be too expensive. Plus, I have no idea when will be the next time I get the weekend off from work.”

    Fiancée: “We’ll figure it out. There’s no immediate rush.”

    Me: *sneers* “You realize that ‘immediate rush’ is redundant, right?”

    Fiancée: “…I do. But irregardless, I’ll still say it.”

    (Yes, she knows that ‘irregardless’ is not a word. She was just messing with me right back.)

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