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    Mysteries Of The Butt

    | Quezon City, The Philippines | Dating

    (My girlfriend and I stay at my place often enough, and how close we’ve gotten with each other’s bodies has often come up as an issue. This particular exchange happens while we’re spooning, and my hand is on the side of her butt.)

    Girlfriend: “I read an article that it’s important to keep mysteries alive in a relationship— Could you scratch my butt? It itches —and I think we’re too open with each other.”

    Me: *hysterical laughter*

    I Don’t Not Hate You

    | Fremont, CA, USA | Marriage & Partners

    Her: “You always try to trick me, and then you get mad when I get confused.”

    Me: “Like when?”

    Her: “Like when you ask questions with double negatives.”

    Me: “I never try to trick you, do I not?”

    Her: “I… hate you.”

    Over-dew For Some Love-sap

    | ON, Canada | Dating

    (I’ve been having a bad night at home and have been texting my boyfriend.)

    Boyfriend: “How can I help?”

    Me: “Remind me of our fun plans and then maybe make a sappy declaration of your love for me?”

    Boyfriend: “Dinner tomorrow… then sleepover Wednesday and eat mozzarella sticks… and sushi… and my love for you is like a maple tree… It’s sweet and runs forever… like sap. You could say that was a ‘sappy’ way of saying I love you.”

    Me: “That really made me smile.”

    Boyfriend: “Just be careful you don’t get sticky from my love sap…”

    A Titanic Fail


    Kick, Punch, It’s All In The Mind

    | WI, USA | Marriage & Partners

    (It is late at night and, as usual, I have gone to bed before my husband. I am usually a very sound sleeper, so I am not disturbed when he gets into bed later. This night, however, I am restless. I have finally drifted to sleep when I feel someone hit me in the side.)

    Me: “Did you just punch me?!”

    Husband: “Yes.”

    Me: “Why?!”

    Husband: “You were snoring.”

    Me: “I was trying to sleep!”

    (It turned out he regularly punched or kicked me during the night if I was snoring too loudly. This was the first time I’d ever been aware of it!)

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