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    About To Lose His Queen

    | Washington, DC, USA | Dating

    (I am a martial artist, and my girlfriend never stops teasing me about it.)

    Girlfriend: “Why don’t you try a real sport?”

    Me: “Karate IS a real sport!”

    Girlfriend: “Really? Do you play on a team? Can you win?”

    Me: “It’s in the Olympics.”

    Girlfriend: “Chess is recognized as a sport by the Olympics.”

    Me: “Do you need a cup for chess?”

    Thank Heaven For Little Girls

    | ON, Canada | Dating

    (My boyfriend and I are walking back to the car after a dinner date. I’m about 6 inches shorter than he is. I’m describing a female friend who is even shorter than me.)

    Me: “She’s so tiny! I could probably pick her up and toss her over my shoulder if I wanted to! You should meet her. She’s adorable.”

    Boyfriend: “Yeah, I like little girls like that.”

    (There is a long pause as we both digest what he just said. I burst out laughing and he hurries to correct himself.)

    Boyfriend: “I mean petite women! Not little… not like that!”

    Absence Makes The Dork Grow Bolder

    | Sydney, NSW, Australia | Dating

    (My long distance boyfriend is visiting for a week, but staying at his parents’ house, an hour from mine. He’s promised me a special date on his last night before he goes home since I can’t see him off at the airport, but he’s visiting extended family and is running late. My phone rings.)

    Boyfriend: “I’m so sorry. I’m with my family and we’ve dropped in to my grandparents. I could drop by on the way home…”

    Me: “That would only be for about 10 minutes. You’re tired. Don’t worry about it.”

    Boyfriend: “Plus I haven’t showered and I have University work to do… I’m so sorry!”

    (I’m sad, but assure him I’ll live and he needs to be with the family. He apologises profusely over and over, and says he’ll make it up to me. The next morning I’m getting ready for work when there’s a knock at the door. He’s standing there with a massive bouquet of carnations and still apologizing.)

    Boyfriend: “I managed to get my homework done last night. And I’d like you to hear it.”

    (He makes me sit on the lounge and whips out his phone. The assignment was composing a song. He opens a video of himself playing the song he wrote for me, apologising for last night. After it’s over, he turns to me)

    Boyfriend: “So… what did you think?”

    Me: “That is by far the sweetest and most dorky thing anyone has ever done for me. Can I put this on Not Always Romantic?”

    Crotchety Beats Cheeky

    | MT, USA | Marriage & Partners

    (My husband and I have just picked up some things at the store, including some items with clearance stickers on them. He takes one out of the bag, carefully peels the sticker off, and then sticks it to my cheek.)

    Husband: “I declare you to be worth 48 cents.”

    Me: “Really? You seriously can’t believe you can put a price on all of this?!”

    (I gesture to myself dramatically.)

    Husband: “I believe I just did!”

    (I then take the sticker from my cheek and stick it to his crotch, smiling sweetly the entire time.)

    Husband: “Now that’s just rude…”

    Smudging Your Way Through Love

    | CT, USA | Marriage & Partners

    (My husband just finished brushing his teeth and is going back into the bathroom. On his way there, he gently caresses my shoulder.)

    Me: “Aw. That’s sweet. You should do that more often.”

    Husband: “I don’t always have smudge on my fingers.”


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