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  • Massaging The Truth

    | St. Louis, MO, USA | Dating

    (My boyfriend and I don’t live together, so I am texting him from my house about seeing him soon.)

    Boyfriend: “I’ll see you in two days!”

    Me: “Yay!”

    Boyfriend: “I miss you!”

    Me: “I miss you more!”

    Boyfriend: “Oh, really?”

    Me: “Yep! I’ll get boob massages!”

    Not Just Counting Sheep

    | England, UK | Dating

    (When my boyfriend works six-to-two shifts he will go to bed before I do, and he will normally respond to me in his sleep. This encounter takes place as I get into bed a few hours later.)

    Me: “Are you going to let me in bed?”

    Boyfriend: *grumbling sounds as he rolls over*

    Me: *now in bed* “Can I have cuddles?”

    Boyfriend: “You don’t deserve cuddles, you mardy cow.”

    (He had no recollection of this the next day but still made it up to me by taking me out for dinner!)

    Can’t Pin It On Him

    | KS, USA | Dating, Theme Of The Month

    (We are two men in our early twenties. For the past few days, my boyfriend has been really sweet to me and denying that he is being anything but his usual self. One afternoon we’re lying in bed. I’m doing homework and he’s messing around on my phone because I’m using his to use a website my phone can’t access. He’s being secretive and has made sure to delete his history on his phone.)

    Boyfriend: “Can I get on my Pinterest from your phone?”

    Me: “Just use mine and send yourself stuff.”

    Boyfriend: “Fine.”

    (Thirty minutes go by and I’m taking a break.)

    Me: “What are you looking for?”

    Boyfriend: “Nothing! Christmas presents! Do your homework!”

    (Thirty minutes later…)

    Me: “Why can’t I see what you’re looking at? Are you looking at porn without me?!”

    Boyfriend: “No! Now do your homework! You need good grades!”

    Me: “But I’m done!”

    Boyfriend: “Don’t lie to me. Just do it. How much have you done?”

    Me: “…”

    Boyfriend: “That’s what I thought. Now, do it.”

    (He puts my phone down eventually and curls up half in my lap to take a nap. I steal my phone back, but he has deleted the searching history.)

    Me: “Why can’t I know? You said no Christmas presents!”

    Boyfriend: *grins smugly at me* “Are you done with your homework? Hurry up so we can have sex.”

    (I finally finish, but he has fallen asleep. I go into my Pinterest to look for gifts for a friend’s wedding and other Christmas ideas. I send my boyfriend a pin, and then go check to see that it really sent. Through my account, he had been sending himself pins about wedding rings. I look through them, and then put it away, not saying anything. Eventually we get up to feed the dogs and ourselves.)

    Me: “So, uh, you’re pretty secretive, all right. Really good at it.”

    Boyfriend: “Uh huh.”

    Me: “Did you forget that Pinterest’s sending thing is a messaging system now?”

    Boyfriend: “What? Nuh uh!”

    Me: “Do you want me to forget I saw it?”

    Boyfriend: “Yeah, actually.”

    (Now he taunts me with asking me what rings I like and says I have to behave or he’ll keep pushing back asking me to marry him.)

    Forgettable Presents

    | USA | Engaged, Theme Of The Month

    (I’ve been collecting Christmas ornaments for nearly ten years now and buy a new one every year. I am home by myself and trying to find my box of ornaments so that I can make sure nothing is broken before we get our tree this weekend. I eventually find it behind a large computer box my fiancé has put in the living room closet. On top of the box are two presents he’s tucked away for me. This happens when he gets home from work that night.)

    Me: “So, I was looking for my ornaments tonight and found something I’m pretty sure I wasn’t supposed to see.”

    Fiancé: “Oh?” *gets a nervous look on his face*

    Me: “Yeah… I had to move the computer box to find the ornament box.”

    Fiancé: *realization dawns* “Oh… so… which one?”

    Me: “Both. The little one fell down and I picked it up before realizing what it was. The second one, I had to move to move the box.”

    Fiancé: “Would you mind forgetting about them?”

    Me: *smiles* “Forgetting about what?”

    Life Lessons

    | USA | Dating

    Me: “I was talking to my mother earlier. I explained protein synthesis to her, and she had this look on her face like I just told her the secret to life.”

    Boyfriend: “May I point something out? You kind of did.”

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