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    Just Bowled Him Over

    | WI, USA | Dating

    Me: “I’m really looking forward to this evening.”

    Girlfriend: “Why? What happens this evening?”

    Me: “You’re kidding, right? The Super Bowl!?”

    Girlfriend: “Ah… that’s football, right?”

    It Pains Me To Relax

    | Eugene, OR, USA | Marriage & Partners

    (Having gotten my tetanus shot just the day before, I’ve spent the whole day miserable and feeling like someone punched me in the arm. I’m talking with my husband after we get home from work, and he’s trying to convince me to take it easy for the evening.)

    Me: “Honey, you’re exhausted, too! It’s not fair for me to do nothing while you do all the chores!”

    Husband: “Honey, I want to do this to take care of you…”

    (As he is speaking, he reaches out and holds my upper arms… right over the bruise from the shot.)

    Me: “Ow, ow, OW!”

    (Realizing his mistake he takes his hands off me like I’m on fire, but then proceeds to wave them around for a few seconds, and then land them on my hips so he can finish his sentence.)

    Him: “… so please just sit and relax!”

    A Wandering Mind Is Better Than A Wandering Heart

    | Mexico City, Mexico | Marriage & Partners

    (My husband has a habit of letting his mind wander off, so sometimes he answers things that only make sense in his mind’s context. One night, we are cuddling and I’m in the mood for saying sweet nothings to one another.)

    Me: *with the cutest voice I can do* “Wat’chu thinking, sweetie?”

    Husband: “I think I should upload more Bob Dylan and The Clash to my cellphone.”

    Me: “… Gee, thanks, sweetie. Me, too.”

    Call The Pun Police

    | Fairbanks, AK, USA | Marriage & Partners

    (My husband and I are driving. We’ve noticed a lot more police out and about so we are discussing it. Then, this happens:)

    Husband: “Is that cop driving on a donut?” *meaning a spare tire*

    Me: *barely controlled giggling*

    Husband: “What? What’s so funny?”

    Me: “The cop… is driving on a donut…”

    Husband: *takes a minute* “Oh! D*** it! Now I’m making puns. You! You did this to me!”

    Me: *maniacal laughter*

    Needs To Get A Foothold Of The Sleeping Arrangements

    | AK, USA | Engaged, Fights/Breakups

    (My fiancé and I are in bed preparing to snuggle until we doze off.  I scoot in closer to him.)

    Fiancé: “Babe, take your socks off.”

    Me: “I don’t have any socks on.”

    Fiancé: “Well, I guess God couldn’t make you pretty everywhere so I love you from your head to your ankles.”

    (I was so mad, I decided to snuggle with my pillow.)

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