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    Their Relationship Grows Every Day

    | UT, USA | Marriage & Partners

    Me: “We are going to eat all of the ice cream tonight and get so fat.”

    Husband: “But it’s a happy kind of obesity. We could call it ‘happesity.’”

    The Process Of Elimination

    | UK | Flirting/How We Met

    (I am on the autism spectrum and my mind works in a very logical and analytical way. I’m having a quiet drink with a female friend (I’m also female) and a man is starting to bother us, staring in a creepy way and making lewd gestures. When I go to the bar he comes up to me.)

    Man: “All right, sexy! Where’s your boyfriend?”

    Me: “Well, that’s three assumptions you’ve made about me: that I’m heterosexual, that I have a boyfriend, and that I’m somehow not allowed to be out without a man. You know, only one of those is correct!”

    Man: “Which one’s correct, then?”

    Me: “Well, if you used your brain you’d realise that if the third statement is true then the first two must be, and if the second one is true then the first one must be. So it must be the first one, yes?”

    Man: “What, so you’re telling me a lovely lady like you doesn’t have a boyfriend?”

    Me: “That’s right.”

    Man: “Why not?”

    Me: “Is it compulsory for every woman to have a boyfriend?”

    Man: “Well, no, but why don’t you?”

    Me: “Perhaps I don’t want one?”

    Man: “Why don’t you want one?”

    Me: “Er… maybe because I’m married?”

    Man: *he looks at my wedding ring and actually jumps backwards* “WHY DIDN’T YOU SAY SO BEFORE?!”

    Me: “Actually, you never asked. Nor did you ask if I were interested in you, which I’m clearly not. Now I’d appreciate it if you left me and my friend alone because we’re not interested and not because you think we ‘belong’ to another man!”

    Man: “That’s fine by me. You’re both ugly, anyway!”

    (That would explain why he called me ‘sexy’!)

    No Lengths He Won’t Go To

    | Germany | Dating

    (We are cuddling in bed before falling asleep. I am 5’2” and my boyfriend is 6’1”, so it is often a topic for our jokes.)

    Boyfriend: *putting his feet under my feet and his hand on my head* “All mine! My 5’2” of cuddles!”

    Me: *stretching myself* “There! Now you have 5’3” of cuddles!”

    Boyfriend: *sleepily* “Hmm, I could also cut you open and take out the intestines and spread them around in the bedroom… Then I’d have, like, 30 feet of cuddles!”

    Me: “Erm… what?”

    Boyfriend: “Oh, god, what did I just say?!”

    Not Quite The Best Sales Hook(er)

    | Mexico | Dating

    (I’m being intimate with my boyfriend. He’s had a couple of rough days so I decide to go down on him. This happens right after.)

    Boyfriend: “That was so amazing. You should do it professionally!”

    Me: “…thanks?”

    Super Secret Life

    | MD, USA | Dating

    (I have just sent my bf a really cute post from Not Always Romantic.)

    Me: “This seriously sounds like something you would do.”

    Boyfriend: “…are we sure that WASN’T me? Cuz I’m kinda thinking it might have been…”

    Me: “Do you have another girlfriend I don’t know about?”

    Boyfriend: “From the sound of it I have another girlfriend that even I don’t know about…”

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