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  • Be Quiet Or There Will Be The Devil To Pay
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  • Till Undeath Do Us Part, Part 37

    | Phoenix, AZ, USA | Dating

    (My boyfriend and I are standing in my kitchen when I decide to ask him the age old question.)

    Me: “What would you do if I was turned into a zombie?”

    Boyfriend: “Well, I’d be really sad… but in all actuality, probably double tap.”

    Related:
    Till Undeath Do Us Part, Part 36
    Till Undeath Do Us Part, Part 35
    Till Undeath Do Us Part, Part 34

    His Opinion Is Locked In

    | Sydney, NSW, Australia | Fights/Breakups, Marriage & Partners

    (My husband and I live in a second floor unit. I like leaving the door to the veranda open. Once I went out and left it open.)

    Husband: “I wish you wouldn’t leave the veranda door open. What if you go out and forget it again?”

    Me: “We are two floors up and no one can actually see the door from the street to even realise it is open.”

    Husband:  ”You always forget things. You didn’t lock the front door today.”

    Me:  ”I was here. I left it unlocked because you were going to be here ten minutes later.”

    Husband: *getting angry* “You always forget. Make sure you remember to lock it in future.”

    (Two days later I head out to work, husband is still in bed. I open the door to find his keys still in the lock.)

    Me: “You left your keys in the door all night!”

    Husband:  ”Accidents happen.”

    Every Time I Think Of You I Wipe Myself

    | NY, USA | Dating, Long Distance

    (My boyfriend and I are in a long-distance relationship. We are discussing things to do during our upcoming weekend together.)

    Me: “Do you plan on going running or jogging with me this weekend? Or would you rather just take it easy?”

    Boyfriend: “I want to spend each and every non-toilet second with you.”

    Me: “That’s so… sweet.”

    Romance Can Catch You With Your Pants Down

    | NY, USA | Engaged

    (While very loving, my fiancé is not known for grand romantic gestures. Therefore, it’s a surprise when he grabs my wrist as I pass by with the laundry and looks sincerely into my eyes.)

    Fiancé: “Thank you. Thank you for everything you do for me. Thank you for enriching my life. Thank you. Thank you for loving me.”

    Me: “Aw!” *pause* “That’d be so much sweeter if you’d been wearing pants!”

    Holding Your Opinion In High Irregard

    | CA, USA | Dating, Engaged

    (My sister has recently gotten a new boyfriend, and my fiancée and I are talking about them after one my classes. It should be noted that I am quite the grammar cop and will poke fun at my friends if they get something wrong.)

    Me: “So, [Sister's Boyfriend] is totally down with dressing up and spending time in the city.”

    Fiancée: “Ooh, that’d be fun.”

    Me: “Of course, it can’t be too expensive. Plus, I have no idea when will be the next time I get the weekend off from work.”

    Fiancée: “We’ll figure it out. There’s no immediate rush.”

    Me: *sneers* “You realize that ‘immediate rush’ is redundant, right?”

    Fiancée: “…I do. But irregardless, I’ll still say it.”

    (Yes, she knows that ‘irregardless’ is not a word. She was just messing with me right back.)


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