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  • Not In A Rush To Have Another One
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  • Not Feline The Love

    | Canada | Marriage & Partners, Theme Of The Month

    (My husband walks into my office.)

    Husband: “I love you.”

    Me: “Love you, too.”

    Husband: “I love you.”

    Me: “Uh-huh.”

    Husband: “I loooooove you.”

    Me: “…you’re hungry, aren’t you?”

    Husband: “It works for the cats.”

    A Fiendishly Simple Plot

    | WI, USA | Marriage & Partners

    (My husband and I will often eat our meals in the bedroom, though we are always sure to clean up after ourselves. One night, I set my empty chili bowl on the bedside table and forget it until nearly bedtime.)

    Husband: “Hey, why is there a chili bowl on the table?”

    Me: “Oh, because I left it there.”

    Husband: “You fiend! How could you do that?”

    Me: “Quite easily. In fact, it took no effort.”

    Husband: “You lazy fiend!”

    A Meeting Of Two Greats

    | OR, USA | Dating

    (My boyfriend is in a series of meetings that he feels are pointless and he dislikes the people. He’s texting me whenever he can.)

    Boyfriend: “Kill me please.”

    Me: “No. I need you to lift and reach things for me.”

    Boyfriend: “That doesn’t sound like it’s worth hanging around for.”

    Me: “…boobs?”

    Boyfriend: “Hmm…”

    Me: “Boobs and beer?”

    Boyfriend: “Mmmm.”

    Me: “Feeling a little better?”

    Boyfriend: “No, because now I just want boobs and beer.”

    When Pillow Talk Gets Dark

    | Slovakia | Dating, Long Distance

    (I am chatting over webcam with my long distance boyfriend. I’m half-way through describing how much I love him.)

    Me: “…sorry, sweetie, I have to stop. I’m going to ask you a weird request.”

    Boyfriend: “Right…”

    Me: “Can you just pick up the pillow directly to your left, and then fluff it, and put it back.”

    Boyfriend: *does this, looking at me like I’m crazy* “So?”

    Me: “No, put it back. Then I’ll tell you.”

    Boyfriend: *puts back the pillow very carefully and precisely, and then looks at me nervously*

    Me: “It’s just it was folded in such a way that it looked like a demon baby face, and I was trying to ignore it but I couldn’t. It was just THERE and I’d try looking at you but my eyes kept looking at it!”

    Boyfriend: *rolls around in tears laughing at me for at least 30 seconds* “Oh, I think I love you even more!”

    There Is No On Switch

    | San Diego, CA, USA | Flirting/How We Met, Theme Of The Month

    (I’m working at a diner as a waitress. I am waiting on an arrogant douchebag, which is business as usual. After fending off typical lame flirting he asks…)

    Him: “So… what time do you get off?”

    Me: “Sir, when it comes to me and you, neither of us will be getting off.”

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