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    Wrong Story Ark

    | Limerick, Ireland | Dating, Theme Of The Month

    (We’re watching an ad before the movie starts. There are animals trying to get on an ark, and an old white man checking them off on a list as they board.)

    Boyfriend: “Why does St Peter have a Northern accent?”

    Me: “What do you mean, St Peter?”

    Boyfriend: “You know, letting the animals into heaven. Why’s he from Northern Ireland?”

    Me: “Babe, that’s Noah. See the big boat?”

    Maleficent And 101 Dalmatians

    | OH, USA | Dating

    (My boyfriend and I live together. He can be a bit kooky sometimes. I have just come home from work.)

    Boyfriend: “How was your day?”

    Me: “It was all right. My boss was in a really good mood because he just found out his dog is pregnant.”

    Boyfriend: “Wow, that’s great news!”

    Me: “Yeah, he really loves animals.”

    Boyfriend: “That reminds me. I was thinking this weekend we could go see Maleficent in theaters.”

    Me: “My… boss’s pregnant dog reminds you of Maleficent?”

    Boyfriend: “Yeah.”

    (Long pause.)

    Me: “So, where is it showing?”

    The Language Of Lazy Love

    | CA, USA | Engaged

    (I have the day off, and my fiancée is just about to go back to work after her lunch break. As she gets ready, I look at her and move my arms in a silent gesture of ‘hug me, please.’ She rolls her eyes and walks over to hug me.)

    Fiancée: “Use your words, hon.”

    Me: “I don’t have to! You knew exactly what I meant!”

    Make You The Head Of My Estate

    | NY, USA | Dating

    (My boyfriend and I are in the shower. He’s a foot taller than I am, and he’s shampooing my hair.)

    Boyfriend: “You know, you have the perfect head. Like, your skull.”

    Me: “Uh… thanks?”

    Boyfriend: “No, really. It’s just the right shape. I just wanna…” *snuggles my


    Me: “I’ll leave it to you in my will.”

    Boyfriend: “Yes!”

    Will Face A Storm When He Gets Home

    | The Netherlands | Dating

    (It’s morning, my boyfriend and I are at my home, getting ready for work.)

    Me: *looking at weather app on tablet* “Oooh! It’s going to be so hot out today!”

    Boyfriend: “Indeed it is!”

    (We drive to the company where we both work, with my folding bike in the back seat, so we can both go our ways at the end of the day, he by car and I by bike. An hour later…)

    Me: “Wow, this weather site announces huge rainfall and chance of thunderstorms in the afternoon! And I have no coat with me!”

    Boyfriend: “Yeah, I knew.”

    Me: “You knew, but didn’t tell me?”

    Boyfriend: “Uhm…”

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