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  • Be Quiet Or There Will Be The Devil To Pay
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  • Till Undeath Do Us Part, Part 38

    | USA | Dating

    (On the phone with my boyfriend when I asked him about zombie apocalypse and things.)

    Me: “So what would you do if I become a zombie?”

    Boyfriend: “Hmmm, I’ll let you bite me so we can become zombies together.”

    Me: “Aww, cute.”

    Boyfriend: “Wait, I changed my mind. Though you’re a zombie I’ll still take care of you and help you put on make up and play dress up because you’ll love that.”

    Me: “That is why I love you.”

    Related:
    Till Undeath Do Us Part, Part 37
    Till Undeath Do Us Part, Part 36
    Till Undeath Do Us Part, Part 35

    Partially Derrièred

    | Minneapolis, MN, USA | Dating

    (I have just finished writing a cover letter for a position with a video game company, and I’m going through to make sure everything looks okay.)

    Me: “I should probably change the phrase, ‘half-assed’ in my cover letter, but given the company it still feels appropriate.”

    Boyfriend: “Half-heinied.”

    (I glare at him.)

    Boyfriend: “Semi-buttsed.”

    Me: “You’re not helpful.”

    Boyfriend: “I am the epitome of helpful!”

    African Adonis

    | USA | Marriage & Partners

    (My husband and I are on the way home when I comment on a particularly fit man that was in the line at the movie theater.)

    Me: “That man seriously had the body of a Grecian god!”

    Husband: “Don’t be silly. The Grecian gods were all white with small penises. He might have been an African god…”

    Me: “That man could probably tackle an elephant to the ground. He could ride lions. When he steps on the Savannah the hyenas stop laughing.”

    Being Pretty Smarts

    | Israel | Dating

    (I am riding my desk chair around the living room and spinning on it.)

    Me: “Wheeee!”

    Girlfriend: “What a pretty man.”

    Me: “I can’t believe you love me so much.”

    Girlfriend: “I didn’t say smart. I said pretty!”

    Should Go On A Diet For That Coke Break

    | NC, USA | Flirting/How We Met

    Coworker: “Have you seen the new [Soda] guy! He is so hot!”

    Me: “Sure, go ahead and go to break.”

    (Moments later she comes back looking embarrassed.)

    Me: “What’s wrong with you?”

    Coworker: “Oh, my god! I did the dimmest thing. I was trying to act all sexy to the [Soda] guy but everything went wrong. I was standing next to the cupcake samples and was going to eat one I front of him all sexy and I missed my mouth and instead shoved it at my nose and all of this while saying hey to him!”


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