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    Earn Your Strip(e)s

    | NY, USA | Engaged, Themed Giveaway

    (My fiancé is making dinner when I wander through the kitchen. We both have fairly deadpan senses of humor and enjoy saying outlandish things.)

    Me: “Oh, hey. I found these in your pants sorting the laundry.”

    (I toss a few folded single dollar bills to him.)

    Me: “You got those stripping, didn’t you?”

    Fiancé: “Yes, I got those stripping. I got all the money through stripping. I did all of the stripping.”

    Me: “I dunno. There’s not a lot there. You must not be a very good stripper.”

    Fiancé: *with great dignity* “I. Am an EXCELLENT. Stripper.”

    Mewling Like A Quim

    | CA, USA | Dating

    (Me and my boyfriend have a interesting relationship, I refer to him as ‘My Pet,’ and we are also nerds to say the least. We are having a conversation over IM.)

    Me: “I realized today, I am very much like a female Loki…”

    Boyfriend: “Yes, you are.”

    Me: “I like how you just agreed. I am a female Loki.”

    Boyfriend: “I agree… with zero contest. I was about to say “except for the bowing part… Oh, wait…”

    Me: “Yes. Bow to me, you peon.”

    Boyfriend: “I shall, Mistress.”

    Caught With His Pants Down

    | NY, USA | Dating

    (My boyfriend is 6’9”, while I am barely five feet tall. He has to get up early for work, and he usually doesn’t turn on the light so as not to disturb me. One morning I’m woken by a very loud ripping noise.)

    Me: *alarmed* “What was that?!”

    Boyfriend: “These pants must have shrunk in the wash. They’re way too small.”

    Me: “What pants?”

    (I turn on the lamp and see my boyfriend holding a pair of ripped jeans. It takes only a moment to realize what’s happened.)

    Me: “[Boyfriend]… those are my pants.”

    Boyfriend: “… Oh. F***!”

    Earns Extra Credit For That One

    | MI, USA | Dating

    (My boyfriend has just read aloud a social media posting from one of his friends, regarding her ex-husband having stolen her identity. I have great credit and my boyfriend has somewhat subpar credit.)

    Me: “Hey, honey?”

    Boyfriend: “Yeah?”

    Me: “Just so you know, if you ever steal my identity I will remove your testicles.”

    Boyfriend: “Okay. Hey, honey?”

    Me: “Yeah?”

    Boyfriend: “If you ever steal my identity… you’re a dumba**.”

    It Will Be Their Clowning Achievement

    | Novi, MI, USA | Dating, Themed Giveaway

    (My boyfriend and I are snuggled up in bed and talking about weird fetishes.)

    Me: “I knew a guy once who had a clown fetish.”

    Boyfriend: “Really? I’m trying to imagine how that would even work. Like. The make up, nose, big shoes, and everything?”

    Me: “I don’t know. Clowns scare me, so I didn’t ask about the mechanics.”

    Boyfriend: “I just can’t see clowns being sexy.”

    Me: “Ooh, what if I dressed up like Harley Quinn? Would you want to have sexy clown sex then?”

    Boyfriend: “I’d totally be down for that!”

    Me: “But you’d have to dress like the Joker.”

    Boyfriend: “I’m okay with that.”

    Me: “Yay! I’m so glad I found someone I can have kinky nerd sex with!”

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