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    Till Undeath Do Us Part, Part 32

    | Lancaster, England, UK | Dating

    (My boyfriend of six years has spontaneously taken me out for a midweek romantic meal to our favourite restaurant. I decide to ask him the zombie question.)

    Me: “So, listen. If there was a zombie apocalypse and I got bitten, what would you do?”

    Boyfriend: *without even pausing for thought* “Honey, I would shoot the s*** out of you.”

    Related:
    Till Undeath Do Us Part, Part 31
    Till Undeath Do Us Part, Part 30
    Till Undeath Do Us Part, Part 29
    Till Undeath Do Us Part, Part 28
    Till Undeath Do Us Part, Part 27
    Till Undeath Do Us Part, Part 26
    Till Undeath Do Us Part, Part 25

    Successfully Tabling The Argument

    | NY, USA | Dating, Fights/Breakups

    (My boyfriend and I are arguing over where to move our coffee table. It’s been a long day and the table is heavy so we’re shouting at each other at this point. We have been shouting for several minutes.)

    Boyfriend: “IT NEEDS TO BE MORE IN THE CENTRE!”

    Me: “NO! WE NEED TO MOVE IT CLOSER TO THE WALL!”

    Boyfriend: “But then it’ll be in the way of the kitchen. PEOPLE WILL TRIP!”

    (I realise that he’d misunderstood what I suggested and we were in fact arguing to put the coffee table in the same spot.)

    Me: “I ABSOLUTELY AGREE WITH YOU!”

    Boyfriend: THEN WHY ARE WE ARGUING?!”

    Me: “I DON’T KNOW!”

    He’ll Never Get Her To Do The Dirty

    | Australia | Dating

    (My boyfriend doesn’t compliment well, though I think he tries. Today he is admiring my wide hips.)

    Boyfriend: “If you were dirt, you would be lovely and dark.”

    Me: *confused look*

    Boyfriend: “Because you’d be uber-fertile. That’s romantic, right?”

    The Love Cycle

    | Berkeley, CA, USA | Engaged

    (My fiancé and I are cuddling in bed. I am cold because I’ve just jumped under the covers. I cling to her tightly.)

    Me: “Brrrrrr. And burr. And burrow. I burrow into you and cling like a burr because brrrrrr. Maybe I could be the burr in our relationship, because then I would cling to you and never let you go. But I wouldn’t want to be a burr because then I would poke you and hurt you and you’d toss me off and put your clothes in the laundry after hiking. Besides, then all that would sprout from our relationship would be ugly burr bushes.”

    Fiancé: “There are some soft burrs, like in prairie grass. And they have pretty flowers that you could sprout.”

    Me: “Ooooh, yes! I could be a soft cuddly burr. But no, I don’t want to be a burr because then I would be a passive participant in our relationship, just clinging along for the ride, and you would have to cast me away from you for anything to sprout from our relationship.” *pause* “I love that we are talking about our relationship in terms of prairie ecology.”

    Fiancé: “Does that mean that therapy is controlled burns?”

    Me: “Yes! We could be those prairie grasses with deep entwined roots that survive fire. We would create a stable and enduring ecology and hold a lot of nutrients and trap water so it cycles into the ecosystem slowly and gently instead of flooding. And drama can be the grazing herbivores that munch on the leaves and trample the grasses, but ends up leaving fertilizer in the soil, and more room for sun, and aerating the earth!”

    Fiancé: “I love you.”

    No Longer Virgin White

    | CO, USA | Dating

    (The boyfriend and I are having sex. We’re both still pretty new to this and to each other.)

    Boyfriend: *stops and chuckles* “We are so tragically white. We have no rhythm…”

    (We had to take a break due to me giggling!)


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