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    Literally Until Undeath Do Us Part

    | VA, USA | Marriage & Partners

    (When I was younger my mother had a health condition that led to an extended hospital stay. Three times while she was in the ICU she actually was clinically dead, and then revived. After she was released from the hospital at a follow up doctor visit my father made this observation.)

    Father: “You know, our wedding vows said ’til death do us part.’ They never said anything about if you were brought back!”

    Mentally Healthier To Blame Someone Else

    | Victoria, BC, Canada | Dating

    (My girlfriend has schizophrenia, which causes her to believe her inconsequential actions will make bad things happen to others. She’s part of a mental health stand-up group, so we often use humour to help manage those thoughts. We’re walking down the street one day when we hear an ambulance siren.)

    Girlfriend: *shrinking into herself* “I hope I didn’t cause that….”

    Me: *puts an arm around her* “Oh, don’t worry sweetie; I’m sure it was someone ELSE with schizophrenia that caused it.”

    Teasing The Sleep Out Of You

    | UK | Dating

    (My boyfriend and I are in bed after I’ve picked him up from a night out.)

    Boyfriend: *rolls over and starts kissing my neck* “You’re so f****** tempting.”

    (I rolled over to face him and continued foreplay. Then I realised he’s still asleep and has started snoring. Apparently he had no memory of being a sleep tease and had been dreaming about zombies.)

    Bad Date Scorecard


    One Is Tardier Than The Other

    | Chicago, IL, USA | Engaged

    (I’m boarding a plane tomorrow that will take me a thousand miles away from my fiancé for four months for an internship. We don’t know if we’ll get to see each other until the end of it. We’re both absurdly emotional today and know it’ll just be worse tomorrow. Today’s our last full day together, so we’re spending it just the two of us.)

    Fiancé: “My brain keeps going through crazy scenarios.”

    Me: “Like what?”

    Fiancé: “Like if we stay home today, this day won’t happen and we can spend the day together tomorrow and then the next day you’ll be on the plane.”

    Me: “Unfortunately, time doesn’t work that way, honey.”

    Fiancé: “I know… darn it, where’s my TARDIS or my DeLorean?”

    Me: *laughs*

    Fiancé: “Or better yet, I’ll build a TARDeLorean!”

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