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    Stolen (Meatloaf) Dreams

    | Geraldton, WA, Australia | Dating

    (Boyfriend and I are snuggling and just talking about random stuff on the bed.)

    Boyfriend: “You’re going to jail.”

    Me: “Why?”

    Boyfriend: “You stole some bread.”

    Me: “Where’d I steal it from?”

    Boyfriend: “The butcher’s.”

    Me: “What did I steal?”

    Boyfriend: “Meatloaf.”

    (Swear to god I thought it was the funniest thing I’ve ever heard.)

    Hungry For Love

    | Vancouver, BC, Canada | Dating

    (Normally I am very pale, but I recently went on vacation to a tropical country. I came back sunburned, but it’s gradually fading to brown. My boyfriend and I are lying in bed, naked.)

    Boyfriend: “I do like you with a bit of a tan. Just a little toasted. Like a marshmallow.”

    Me: “Hmm. It itches, especially here, where it’s still pink.”

    Boyfriend: “With the tan line and the burned parts and your regular skin, you look like Neapolitan ice cream.”

    Me: “Baby, if you’re hungry we can go get a snack, but stop comparing me to food.”

    Brain Is Running Out Of Gas

    | Australia | Dating

    (My boyfriend and I have only been dating for just over a month, and we’re just chatting after watching some movies together.)

    Boyfriend: *happily* “I farted.”

    (Pause.)

    Boyfriend: *pensively* “And I’m sleepy.”

    (Pause.)

    Boyfriend: *horrified* “…so I told you.”

    (Pause.)

    Boyfriend: *quietly* “Noooooooooo.”

    The Object Word

    | SC, USA | Dating

    (Somehow, my boyfriend and I have gotten into a conversation on the topic of fetishes.)

    Me: “Can you have a word fetish?”

    Boyfriend: “Yeah. It’s an object, after all.”

    Me: “Do you have a word fetish?”

    Boyfriend: *deadpan* “I like big books and I cannot lie.”

    Worst Case Scenario

    | USA | Marriage & Partners

    (My husband and I pick on each other a lot as a game.)

    Me: “You’re so mean to me.”

    Husband: “You like it.”

    Me: “No, I don’t. I would trade you in for a nicer husband in a heartbeat.”

    Husband: “No, you wouldn’t. You’d miss me too much.”

    Me: “But then he’d be nice to me.”

    Husband: “And then you’d get bored.”

    Me: “What if you were physically unable to be mean to me anymore? Like, you try to say something mean and you freeze up.”

    Husband: “Well, then, I’d just be mean to someone else and hope that they’re mean to you as a result.”

    Me: “…You’re an a**hole.”

    Husband: “You’re just mad because I found a loophole in your stupid scenario.”

    Me: “That’s exactly the kind of thing you wouldn’t be able to say under my scenario.”


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