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    A Charitable (In)experience

    | Australia | Dating, LGBTQ

    (I’ve just discovered an article about gay men being asked to draw lady parts. Note: we haven’t slept together yet and my boyfriend is very inexperienced.)

    Me: “Hey, check this out.”

    Boyfriend: *laughing* “This is hilarious.”

    Me: “They even have a campaign to fund a picture book!”

    Boyfriend: “Would it be weird if I contributed to this?”

    Me: “You totally could! You haven’t seen enough yet.”

    Boyfriend: “I meant donating money…”

    Me: “I honestly didn’t think of that.”

    They’re Kinky And They’re Cookie

    | USA | Dating

    (I am at home with my then-girlfriend, and we just finished being intimate earlier that morning. It was common for us to spend a lot of time on third base before moving on to the actual deed. When we leave my room, she goes to the kitchen, then returns with two cookies and hands me one. I take it and eat it, then look down in horror.)

    Girlfriend: “What’s wrong?”

    Me: “I never washed my hands…”

    Don’t Date Her If I ‘Was’ You

    | England, UK | Dating

    (While talking to my aunt, she proudly tells me her 13-year-old son’s reply to a text, sent from a girl in his class.)

    Girl: “If you was in my room right now, what would you do?”

    Cousin: “I would correct your grammar.”

    Verbing On Marriage

    | Boston, MA, USA | Dating

    (I’m sitting with my boyfriend before we both head out to work.)

    Boyfriend: “You’re my favorite thing!”

    Me: “I’m a thing?”

    Boyfriend: “Yes, you are in fact a noun.”

    Me: “I’m a noun!”

    Boyfriend: “My favorite noun!”

    (I give him a cuddle.)

    Boyfriend: “You’re cute.”

    Me: “A cute noun?”

    Boyfriend: “The cutest of nouns!”

    (Definitely plan to marry this one!)

    Sexperience Points

    | Casper, WY, USA | Dating

    (I am texting my boyfriend before bed. We had done the nasty earlier in the day.)

    Me: “Mmmm.  Are you touching yourself?”

    Boyfriend: “No. He’s a little sore.”

    Me: “Uh oh. Was I too rough?”

    Boyfriend: “A little. But he is okay. He got some mad XP.”

    Me: “Leveled up?”

    Boyfriend: “Grand master.”

    Me: “D***. That’s hardcore. He must be practicing.”

    Boyfriend: “Got a lot from you. Only a newbie when he met you.”

    Me: “Basically I power leveled your newb penis through several sex dungeons. You’re welcome.”

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