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    Making The Logical Jump

    | UT, USA | Marriage & Partners

    (My toddler is watching WALL-E, and we’ve just watched the scene where they

    jump into hyperdrive.)

    Me: “Would the jump really be that noticeable?”

    Husband: “Do you notice it when you accelerate quickly in your car?”

    Me: “Yeah, but my car doesn’t have artificial gravity!”

    Husband: *laughs* “I’m sorry, that was just too funny. Think about what you just said!”

    Laid Out The Clues

    | Westchester, NY, USA | Exes/Old Flames

    (My ex and I have become ‘friends with benefits,’ since we both know that we REALLY don’t work as a couple, so we are able to avoid too much emotional attachment. However, I know he had a date the night before and is looking to be in a relationship, so I’m unsure if he wants to hook up or just hang out as friends.)

    Me: *in text* “Come around the back. I’m sitting outside.”

    (He walks into the backyard and sits down.)

    Ex: “It’s too hot out here. Come on.”

    (He walks into the house.)

    Me: “Okay…”

    (He walks straight through the living room and up the stairs.)

    Me: “Where are you going?”

    (He walks right into my room and lays down on the bed.)

    Me: “Well, I guess I figured out if you’re still interested…”

    Pajama Drama

    | Victoria, BC, Canada | Dating

    (My boyfriend and I go out for the evening with a friend. Partway through, I start to feel sick, so I go home, put on pajamas, and go to bed. With me not there, the friend and my boyfriend get roaring drunk. He stumbles in the door at two in the morning, takes off his clothes, and climbs into the bed, where starts pulling sideways on my pajama top.)

    Me: “What are you DOING?”

    Boyfriend: “…Why are the sheets sticking to you?”

    Trimming The Profits

    | NY, USA | Dating

    (The guy I’m seeing and I have just had sex and are laying around talking. Note: We are both South Park fans.)

    Me: *points to his crotch* “Do you trim, or does it just grow like that?”

    Him: *stares at me*

    Me: “That was a really dumb question, wasn’t it?”

    Him: “No, no. It happens by magic. Actually, I hired the Underwear Gnomes to do it while they’re down there.”

    Me: “Oh, my god! We finally figured out what Step Two was! One: Steal underwear, Two: trim pubic hair, Three: profit!”

    How To Cure Love Sickness

    | Wilmington, NC, USA | Marriage & Partners

    Me: “I have an ache deep in my loins for you.”

    Husband: “You should probably take some Tylenol for that.”


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