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  • Facing The Romance

    | IL, USA | Engaged

    (My fiancé isn’t usually very romantic, although he is quite sentimental. It recently snowed and the light breeze was blowing snow off the taller buildings. He also likes ‘your face’ jokes.)

    Me: “It looks like it’s snowing in the sunshine.”

    Fiancé: “Your face is sunshine! Wait…”

    Me: “Did you… Did you just unintentionally say something romantic?”

    Fiancé: “… yes.”

    The Number One Spell

    | Grand Rapids, MI, USA | Marriage & Partners

    (My husband is goofing off and randomly waves his hand around as though he is holding a wand. He pivots and points towards me, lifting his leg up in a weird move, and shouts:)

    Husband: “Swish and flick.”

    (The two of us proceed to burst out laughing. He then goes to the bathroom and I hear:)

    Husband: “Now swish and piss.”

    Time To Take A Maturity Test(es)

    | Santa Rosa, CA, USA | Marriage & Partners

    (I have just finished telling my husband about a comic I was reading that featured a tiny drawing of a penis.)

    Me: “Penis. Heh.” *giggling* “Peeeeniiiiiissss.”

    Husband: “Penis.”

    Me: “Hah, you said penis, too!” *laughing harder*

    Husband: “Vagina.”

    Me: “Yeah, that ones not as funny.”

    Husband: “Scrotum.”

    Me: *laughing again* “Testes.” *abruptly stops laughing* “Oh, my god, why do we always do this?”

    (The sad part? We actually do this every few months…)

    You Lost Him At ‘Naked’ And ‘Rack’

    | USA | Marriage & Partners

    (The oven timer goes off and I go to check the pizza that my husband has put in the oven. I notice that he put the pizza on a cookie sheet and walk back into the living room.)

    Me: “[Husband], the pizza isn’t supposed to go on the cookie sheet.”

    Husband: “No one told me this!”

    Me: *motioning dramatically as if he has committed a grave crime* “[Husband], the pizza is supposed to lie naked in the warm embrace of the rack in the oven!”

    Refusing To Put This To Bed

    | IL, USA | Dating

    (My boyfriend and I are at our separate families’ homes for winter break from college, and I have a habit of messing up his freshly made bed whenever I can.)

    Me: “So when I come over on Saturday, I’m totally gonna mess up your bed!”

    Boyfriend: “Well, what if I mess it up ahead of time, hmm?”

    Me: “Then I will make it, and then mess it up!”

    Boyfriend: *laughs* “Okay, what about if my comforter isn’t there?”

    Me: “Then I will find one, make your bed with it, and then mess it up!”

    Boyfriend: “What if I remove every comforter from this house?”

    Me: “Then I will lie you down on the bed, lie beside you, state that we are comfy so we are the new comforter, and then mess it up by rolling on top of you!”

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