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    A Fiery End To The Relationship

    | Melbourne, VIC, Australia | Marriage & Partners

    (We’re watching a TV drama where the characters are in a funeral home making decisions.)

    Me: “I want a Viking funeral!”

    Partner: “I know dear. I’ll set you on fire and push you down a river.”

    Me: “You’ll wait till I’m dead first, right?”

    (My partner pauses for several seconds.)

    Partner: “That’s not very traditional.”

    Maleficent And 101 Dalmatians

    | OH, USA | Dating

    (My boyfriend and I live together. He can be a bit kooky sometimes. I have just come home from work.)

    Boyfriend: “How was your day?”

    Me: “It was all right. My boss was in a really good mood because he just found out his dog is pregnant.”

    Boyfriend: “Wow, that’s great news!”

    Me: “Yeah, he really loves animals.”

    Boyfriend: “That reminds me. I was thinking this weekend we could go see Maleficent in theaters.”

    Me: “My… boss’s pregnant dog reminds you of Maleficent?”

    Boyfriend: “Yeah.”

    (Long pause.)

    Me: “So, where is it showing?”

    The Language Of Lazy Love

    | CA, USA | Engaged

    (I have the day off, and my fiancée is just about to go back to work after her lunch break. As she gets ready, I look at her and move my arms in a silent gesture of ‘hug me, please.’ She rolls her eyes and walks over to hug me.)

    Fiancée: “Use your words, hon.”

    Me: “I don’t have to! You knew exactly what I meant!”

    Make You The Head Of My Estate

    | NY, USA | Dating

    (My boyfriend and I are in the shower. He’s a foot taller than I am, and he’s shampooing my hair.)

    Boyfriend: “You know, you have the perfect head. Like, your skull.”

    Me: “Uh… thanks?”

    Boyfriend: “No, really. It’s just the right shape. I just wanna…” *snuggles my


    Me: “I’ll leave it to you in my will.”

    Boyfriend: “Yes!”

    Losing The Name Game

    | MT, USA | Marriage & Partners

    (We are play-testing my brother-in-law’s card game, and are in the set-up process for our characters.)

    Husband: “So what are you going to name your character?”

    Me: “I don’t know. How about ‘Tim the Ranger?’”

    Husband: *with enthusiasm that slowly fades to disappointment* “‘TIM! the …Ranger’…”

    Me: “Yes. This is why you don’t let me name things!”

    (Five minutes later:)

    Me: “So I’ve also named my wolf ‘Awoo,’ and my bear ‘Grrar.’”

    Husband: “What? ‘Woot?’”

    Me: “No, ‘Awoo.’ Like a…” *howling like a wolf*  “AWOOOOO!”

    Husband: *facepalm*

    Me: “And my rogue mercenaries are named ‘Stealthy,’ ‘Sneaky,’ and ‘Stabby!’”

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