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    She’s Not Laughing

    | Toledo, OH, USA | Marriage & Partners

    (My husband and I are getting ready to go sleep in our dark bedroom. I’ve had really chapped lips, and the corners of my mouth have painful cuts on them.)

    Me: *sigh* “I look like the Joker.”

    Husband: “You don’t look like the Joker with the lights off.”

    Makes You Need Some Shore Leave

    | NY, USA | Marriage & Partners

    (My husband and I were watching an old Star Trek episode in which Dr. McCoy gets run through by a knight with a spear, the knight being a cellular construct created by the aliens that run the planet. It seems Dr. McCoy is dead, but then his body disappears, and eventually he shows up again because apparently the aliens have the ability to heal him.  I’m a little skeptical.)

    Me: “I mean, the episode started out okay where all the things the characters imagined kept coming to life, but it went on too long. It got a little silly. Especially with Dr. McCoy! Even if the aliens could create cellular constructs, he was dead! Spock and Kirk both examined him with that techno thingy they use! I don’t think he would have just waltzed out again perfectly fine with a girl on each arm like that!”

    Husband: “It’s fiction, sweetie.”

    Me: “Well, you had those other people from Kirk’s imagination coming to life. Maybe he’s not the real McCoy…”

    Husband: “…”

    Me: “…”

    Husband: *laughs and punches me on the arm* “That was awesome! How often do you get an opportunity like that?”

    Me: “And I didn’t even mean it! You know, the shortest distance between two puns is a straight line…”

    Jumping To Conclusions

    | Selah, WA, USA | Marriage & Partners

    (I overhear a conversation between my mom and dad.)

    Dad: “Oh, yeah, I fell off a roof today.”

    Mom: “What?! You fell off a roof?!”

    Dad: “Well, I didn’t fall. I jumped.”

    Mom: *chortles* “There’s a big difference between falling and jumping!”

    Dad: “But I was falling at the time.”

    Ring Has Come Full Circle

    | Galveston, TX, USA | Marriage & Partners

    (After losing some weight my wedding ring has gotten rather loose, and one day it slips off and I can’t find it. I’m really upset about it. We’re searching frantically, and we’re putting together a lost and found notice. We’ve started discussing a replacement, which I would like with an opal instead of a diamond. Then, as I’m in the shower…)

    Husband: “You found your ring.”

    Me: “No, of course not.”

    Husband: “So, that’s not it on the floor next to your pajamas?”

    Me: “Oh, my God. Is that really it?! It must have slipped off when I got ready for a shower that day and got covered in clothes.”

    (I’m so relieved I’m laughing and crying at the same time, and then I stop.)

    Me: “So, this means no opal?”

    Husband: “No.”

    A New Level Of Technical ‘Support’

    | St. Louis, MO, USA | Dating

    (I’m in a long-distance relationship. This exchange occurs over Skype a little while after my girlfriend was briefly off-camera and I had heard a strange noise:)

    Girlfriend: “By the way, that noise earlier was me scratching my boobs.”

    Me: “Oh, wow, it was really loud. You must have been right on the mic.”

    Girlfriend: “Huh?”

    Me: “I know what scratching sounds like, and it’s not usually that loud.”

    Girlfriend: “I think the program just amplifies whatever sound is happening when we aren’t talking.”

    Me: “Ah, okay. Well, maybe in the future I can help you with that.”

    (She bursts out laughing, then after a moment of realization, I do, too.)

    Girlfriend: “I’m not even sure what you meant by that!”

    Me: “Me neither! I was just trying to say something supportive…” *she laughs again* “…but it ended up sounding a different kind of supportive.” *we both laugh more* “Seriously, it’s a miracle that you haven’t broken up with me by now.”

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