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    Won’t Take That Lying Down

    | UK | Marriage & Partners

    (My husband and I are just enjoying each others company after a particularly good sexy-time.)

    Me: “You’re so good at sex.”

    Husband: “Thanks. You are, too.”

    Me: “But you do all the work. I mostly just lie there.”

    Husband: “Yes, but do you so DYNAMICALLY!”

    Can’t See The Burning Wood For The Trees

    | MI, USA | Marriage & Partners

    (I am listing of random restaurants for lunch and pause to think of another.)

    Husband: *in another room* “I’m listening.”

    Me: “I’m thinking. You’re not in here. You can’t smell the wood burning.”

    Husband: “You smell wood burning? That’s not good.”

    Me: “…”

    Husband: “Oh… I took you literally about smelling wood burning.”

    Heavenly Hellish Music

    | Kamloops, BC, Canada | Marriage & Partners

    (Listening to my “Household Soundtrack” playlist on my cell phone set to random during mutual kitchen chores:)

    Husband: “We seem to be getting a weird mix of…”

    Me: “Half Christian, half hyper-sexed secular?”

    Husband: “And I’m having trouble figuring out which ones have more explicit sexual overtones… or the more profound spiritual imagery.”

    Ice-Scream Bloody Murder

    | WA, USA | Marriage & Partners

    (My husband is in the kitchen, digging into a pint of Ben and Jerry’s he just got from the corner store. I hear a splash.)

    Husband: “Oh, f*** me!”

    Me: “What is it?”

    Husband: “I just launched the scoop of ice cream directly into the sink. Via my face.”

    Me: *laughs uncontrollably*

    Husband: “…”

    Me: *doubled over, cackling*

    Husband: “I’m going to kill you in your sleep.”

    (While he continues to fight with the hard-frozen pint, I make my way to the linen closet, grab a washcloth, and run it under warm water, laughing the whole time.)

    Me: *dabs at the side of his face with the washcloth, giggling*

    Husband: “It’s on the other side. But the odds of you dying in your sleep are much lower now.”

    Me: *gets caught by a fresh bout of laughter, including giggle-snorts*

    Husband: “Back up to double digits…”

    A Parental Drinking Problem

    | Moss Point, MS, USA | Marriage & Partners

    Partner: *searching through cupboards for a drink* “Does your mom still drink wine?”

    Me: “No. She quit a few months ago.”

    Partner: Oh. Your dad have any beer?

    Me: “No. He likes daiquiris or wine coolers better.”

    Partner: *grins sheepishly*

    Me: “Are you about to make a sexist joke?”

    Partner: *slowly* “Yeeeesssss…”

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