(My boyfriend and I are at a well-known ‘make your own stuffed animal’ store in the mall. I’ve dragged him in there because I like to see the different patterns that get released every so often. I come across a set of matching pink and blue bears, and decide to tease him.)

Me: “Look, sweetie! We should get matching bears!”

Boyfriend: “I don’t know. I don’t think I’m ready for that sort of responsibility.”

(My best friend is male, and I am female. I’ve been in love with him for several years, but he doesn’t know. We often hold hands and flirt, as a joke. We are in a store in the mall when a young boy around 10 years old approaches me.)

Boy: “Is that your boyfriend?”

Me: “No, he’s my best friend.”

Boy: “But you were holding hands!”

Me: *laughs* “Yeah, we do that sometimes.”

Boy: *pauses, tilts his head* “Do you want him to be your boyfriend?”

(I nod. The boy runs over to my friend, grabs his hand, and pulls him toward me.)

Boy: “She wants to be your girlfriend.”

(My friend looks at me, confused.)

Boy: “She’s pretty, you should ask her out.”

Me: “Honey, it doesn’t work like-”

Friend: “Will you go out with me?”

Me: “Of course!”

(The boy grins and skips away. That was 2009. We’re getting married in three weeks.)

(I am at an outdoor mall with my boyfriend. I hurt my knee and I’m limping across the road behind him when a limo with several teenage couples in it has to wait for me to move.)

Girl in limo #1: “Hey slow people! Move it!”

Girl in limo #2: “Yeah, move it!”

Boyfriend: “Hey drunk lady, shut up!”

Boy in limo #1: “Hey pretty boy, get laid!”

Boyfriend: *points at me* “Why do you think she’s limping!?”

Everyone in limo: *drives by in silence*

(I am female. I am out with my boyfriend, and both of us have hair down to the middle of our back. A little girl sees us.)

Little girl: “Is he a naughty boy?”

Me: “What?”

Little girl: “Why else would he have long hair? It’s for you to pull whenever you don’t like what he does?”

(My boyfriend tries to suppress a giggle.)

Little girl: “He should make it into one long braid, then you can hold the end like a leash. That way he won’t ever get away from you.”

(My boyfriend and I share awkward glances and suppressed giggling.)

Little girl: “Are you going to take my advice? Please?”

(We’re on the train home. I’m standing close to my boyfriend because I can’t balance properly and don’t want to fall. It’s a comfortable silence until he suddenly speaks.)

Boyfriend: “I’d eat you if we were stranded on an island without food. Just thought I’d let you know.”

Me: “Oh. Um. Okay. That was random. I would eat you too, I think.”

Boyfriend: *pause* “No, you wouldn’t. You’d be running away. And you run slowly.”

Me: “No! Okay. Maybe. No, I’ll run off to find coconuts and then I’ll pelt them at your head.”

Boyfriend: “Yeah… if you could climb trees without sliding down.”

Me: “I’ll find fish and fling them at your head!”