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  • November Theme Of The Month: Crushes!

    Escalating Problems

    | New Zealand | Dating

    (When I was little, I had an irrational fear of being sucked into the escalator if I didn’t promptly get off when I reached the top or bottom. That fear has stayed with me even after 20 years. When my boyfriend found out about this, he started deliberately pausing at the end of the escalator, causing me to panic and crash into him. He does this one day for the umpteenth time.)

    Me: “You have to stop doing that! You know how much I hate being blocked on the escalator.” *sulks*

    Boyfriend: “Aww, don’t be mad. Do you know why I block you at the end?”

    Me: “Because you’re evil.”

    Boyfriend: “Because you run out of room to move and have no choice but to hug me. And I like it when you hug me.”

    Christmas Is A Time To Respect Your Elder (Scrolls)

    | USA | Dating

    (My boyfriend and I stop at a store that’s evenly divided down the middle between stuff catering to women and stuff catering to men. Most of the girls’ clothes are either princess-y and skimpy and thus very much not my style. I look around the store, and my boyfriend leans over.)

    Boyfriend: “So… um… well I didn’t know what I was going to get you for Christmas. So, I want you to pick out two things you want.”

    (I hug him and tell him how sweet he is, then start looking around the store some more. Then, eureka!)

    Me: “Oh, my gosh! Dovahkiin!” *pointing at a ‘Skyrim’ shirt* “That one! I want that one!”

    Boyfriend: “They only have it in men’s sizes.”

    Me: “It’s Skyrim! I don’t care!”

    (I’m fairly petite, so I’m almost literally jumping up and down to try and grab the smallest one they have. My boyfriend, who is much taller than me, reaches up and grabs it, then tells me to pick out one more shirt. I look over and finally spot something on the girls’ side of the store that I like: a fitted tee with baby Avengers on it. Baby Thor’s Mjolnir hammer has Nick Fury’s face on it. I ‘squee’ over it, of course, and grab it.)

    Boyfriend: “Okay, but since this is your Christmas present from me, you can’t wear one of these until Christmas day.”

    Me: “Aww!”

    (I wore the Baby Avengers shirt on Christmas day, and it was awesome.)

    A Naked Pause

    | Henrietta, NY, USA | Dating

    (My boyfriend and I are walking around the mall. We stop at a necklace kiosk. He has never had any intimate experience and has never seen a woman naked in person before.)

    Me: *pointing to a gaudy chain necklace with a giant leopard pendant* “I kind of like that. I could see myself wearing it.”

    Boyfriend: *laughs* “Me too.”

    Me: *as we are walking away* “…wearing only that.”

    Boyfriend: *stops dead in the middle of the hallway and stares forward*

    Me: “Honey?” *waves hand in front of face*

    Boyfriend: *grinning hugely at me* “Sorry. That was the first time I ever imagined you naked.”

    Me: *laughs* “So you had to stop walking?”

    Boyfriend: “Did I stop? My brain just kind of fizzled out… I couldn’t think of anything else.”

    (We are now married and he still gets the same look of awe every time we do anything that involves less clothing!)

    A Very Long Pregnant Pause

    | Orange County, CA, USA | Dating

    (Since a friend is getting married soon, my boyfriend and I have been talking about our own future engagement possibilities.)

    Me: “I don’t want a diamond ring.”

    Boyfriend: “I know. You want a TARDIS ring.”

    Me: “Or a sonic screwdriver ring.”

    Boyfriend: “Well, I don’t have to worry any time soon, anyway. I have a few years.”

    Me: “Oh, really?”

    Boyfriend: “Yes. All I have to do is yell ‘pregnancy’ at you?”

    Me: “Uh…”

    Boyfriend: “You’re so afraid of pregnancy and after we get married, everyone will expect us to have children. PREGNANCY! PREGNANCY! PREGNANCY! There, that should give me about six years.”

    His Mermaid Wants To Go Back To The Ocean

    | Bridgewater, NJ, USA | Dating, Theme Of The Month

    (I am a 20-year-old man. My girlfriend has been asking me to take a picture with Santa Claus at the mall. Keep in mind, she is a 21-year-old actress and is eagerly waiting for her job offer to perform on the Disney Cruise.)

    Santa: “And what would you like for Christmas, young lady?”

    Girlfriend: “A performing job on the Disney Cruise!”

    Santa: “That’s quite original. What role would you play?”

    Girlfriend: “Ariel, the mermaid!”

    Santa: “How about you young man? What would you like for Christmas?”

    Me: “To be honest… an Iphone.”

    Santa: *sensing how excited my girlfriend is about her gift request* “Are you sure you wouldn’t want something else? Say… being her Prince Eric?”

    Me: “Probably an iPhone–” *feeling a kick from my girlfriend* “–Prince Eric would be fantastic. I’d love that.”

    Santa: “That’s better. Good luck to you young lady, and Merry Christmas!”

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