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    A Very Picky Partner

    | Jacksonville, FL, USA | Dating

    (My boyfriend and I are leaving a restaurant. I stop at the curb, and yell “CURB TOLL.” He knows that if I do this that I want a kiss.)

    Boyfriend: *hands the doggy bag to me and tries to pick me up, which he knows I hate*

    Me: “No, no, no! I don’t want to be picked up!”

    Boyfriend: “Well, I’m sorry, but this is the only way I know how. I’m no good at pickup lines.”

    Guacamole Always Beats Romance

    | Tampa, FL, USA | Engaged

    (I am out to dinner with my finance.)

    Me: “So, I read this story on Not Always Romantic—”

    Fiancé: *interrupting* “You have guacamole on your forehead.”

    With Great Bacon, Comes Great Responsibility, Part 13

    | Las Vegas, NV, USA | Dating

    (My boyfriend and I are at a restaurant, discussing shows we want to see. I bring up a show I’ve wanted to see for a while.)

    Boyfriend: “Oh! We totally need to see that one. It has a great soundtrack. Oh, but my ex gave me that CD.”

    Me: “Then let’s make a different happy memory associated with that show instead.”

    Boyfriend: “Yeah! You’re right!”

    Me: “Uh-huh.”

    Boyfriend: “You are the bacon of my life!”

    Me: “The what?”

    Boyfriend: “You make everything better!”

    Related:
    With Great Bacon, Comes Great Responsibility, Part 13
    With Great Bacon, Comes Great Responsibility, Part 12
    With Great Bacon, Comes Great Responsibility, Part 11
    With Great Bacon, Comes Great Responsibility, Part 10
    With Great Bacon, Comes Great Responsibility, Part 9
    With Great Bacon, Comes Great Responsibility, Part 8
    With Great Bacon, Comes Great Responsibility, Part 7
    With Great Bacon, Comes Great Responsibility, Part 6
    With Great Bacon, Comes Great Responsibility, Part 5
    With Great Bacon, Comes Great Responsibility, Part 4
    With Great Bacon, Comes Great Responsibility, Part 3
    With Great Bacon, Comes Great Responsibility, Part 2
    With Great Bacon, Comes Great Responsibility

    Not The For Richer Or Poorer Type

    | UT, USA | Dating

    (I’m seated next to a couple who seem to be on their first date at a popular South American themed restaurant. The guy is talking rather loudly about some time he spent in Argentina.)

    Guy: “…and Argentina is so cheap because they have exchange rates down there. Do you know what an exchange rate is?”

    Girl: “Um… no…”

    Guy: “It’s like this. The exchange rate is seven pesos to one dollar! If you bring $10 you now have $70! You’re seven times richer!”

    Out For Blood

    | Temecula, CA, USA | Marriage & Partners

    (My husband and I are out eating at a popular chain buffet. I grab some of the roast beef, which still seems to be a little raw, if the red, blood-like fluid coming from it means anything. I’ve been on my cycle for a few days now.)

    Me: “This isn’t very good… It’s really plain and looks like it’s bleeding.”

    Husband: “So are you…”

    (I can’t help laughing but I’m really glad no one else heard him!)


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