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    Sweet Sixty-een

    | Westminster, CO, USA | Flirting/How We Met

    (I am a 16-year-old girl. I work at a breakfast diner as a hostess. I am sweeping the floors when I noticed an elderly gentleman sitting in a booth, looking at me and twitching the whole left side of his face. We get a lot of elderly customers with health problems and I figure he is one of these customers and decide to be polite and not stare at him. After about 20 minutes, the man comes up to pay his bill.)

    Me: “How was everything today, sir?”

    Customer: “Why don’t you like me?”

    Me: “…Pardon me, sir?”

    Customer: “I’ve been winking at you the whole time I have been here and you have been ignoring me!”

    Me: *feeling uncomfortable* “Oh, I am sorry, sir. I was focused on cleaning the floors so that I could go home. Was this going to be it for you today? Would you like to purchase a slice of one of our award winning pies?”

    Customer: “Are you married?”

    Me: “…Sir, I’m sixteen.”

    Customer: “I got married at your age. It was awful. I should have been swinging with all the ladies and having a good time! I am making up for it now though!”

    (The customer pays his bill and winks at me again.)

    Customer: “See you later, dolly!”

    (The customer leaves.)

    Me: *shudders* “No. Nope. That didn’t happen. Ew.”

    Trying To Relight Their Relationship

    | San Francisco, CA, USA | Exes/Old Flames

    (My ex recently broke up with me, but we are still dating to see if we can work things out. We are out to eat, and the candle at our table blows out.)

    Ex: “Oh, no! Hurry up and relight it, before it becomes a metaphor!”

    My Big Fat Greek Italian

    | Sacramento, CA, USA | Dating

    (My boyfriend and I are out to dinner at my favorite Greek place and I’m expressing my love for all things Greek:)

    Me: “I think it’s just because I grew up in a Greek neighborhood. The food, the culture, the language – it’s all so amazing.”

    Boyfriend: “Well, did you know that I’m part Greek?”

    Me: “Oh really? That’s actually pretty cool. What side of your family?”

    Boyfriend: “Oh… uh… my mom?”

    Me: “Babe, are you just saying that so you seem hotter?”

    Boyfriend: “Um… yeah… but I’m Italian. That counts right?”

    Giving Birth To Reason

    | USA | Family/Kids, Marriage & Partners, Top

    (My husband and I are at a restaurant, sharing with family members the news that we’re expecting our first child.)

    Male Relative #1: “Oh, so do you know what hospital you’re going to deliver at?”

    Me: “No, not a hospital. We’re doing a home water birth. Much lower key and all of that.”

    Male Relative #1: *perplexed* “[Husband], are you ok with this?”

    Husband: “Sure, I’m fine with it. It means I get to sit on my own couch and [My Name] will be more comfortable.”

    Male Relative #1: “Oh, yeah! Nice!”

    Male Relative #2: “Really? I think I would have a problem if my wife wanted to do that.”

    Husband: “I learned years ago that you don’t tell a grown woman what to do with her body.”

    (Most of his family laughs, and his female relatives give him approving looks and thumbs-ups.)

    Male Relative #2: *shrugs* “Okay, whatever. I’m just saying that if it were me, I think I would have a problem with it.”

    Husband: “And that’s why you’re single.”

    (And that’s why I married him!)

    Sleeping On The Job

    | OH, USA | Dating, Top

    (My boyfriend and I haven’t had a date in a while, so he takes me out for fancy coffees and dinner. It should be noted that I make and sell products online and he is my marketing partner. As we are served our coffees and waiting for our food, the following takes place.)

    Me: *holding his hands across the table* “It’s so nice to be out with you. Thank you for this.”

    Boyfriend: “Yeah, it’s a nice treat!”

    Me: *checking my email on my phone* “Oh! I got another order.”

    Boyfriend: “I should really start on your online store when we get home.”

    Me: “Yeah, I hate getting charged twenty cents through [Online Store] every time my products re-list.”

    Boyfriend: “Twenty cents?! Every time?”

    Me: “Yeah, it’s set to auto-renew every listing when someone buys something. So… BAM!… twenty cents every time I sell something.”

    (Our food arrives, but he ignores his burger and pulls up the calculator app on his phone.)

    Boyfriend: “So if you sell [#] products, you get charged [$], when you can just have your own website and sell from there.”

    Me: “Exactly! But since I already have my own website, but it’s not for my products, can you make a different facet just for my store? One that you don’t have to go through my main website to get to?”

    Boyfriend: “I can make a whole new website, and if you pay for the whole year upfront, you’ll get three free vouchers for online advertising.”

    Me: *pauses and laughs* “Is this a date, or a business meeting?”

    Boyfriend: “That depends on what happens when we go home…”

    Me: “Oh, I’ll sleep with you… which, I guess, makes it a date.”

    Boyfriend: “And you get three advertising vouchers out of it!”

    Me: “…and that would make me a prostitute!”


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