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    Till Undeath Do Us Part, Part 32

    | Lancaster, England, UK | Dating

    (My boyfriend of six years has spontaneously taken me out for a midweek romantic meal to our favourite restaurant. I decide to ask him the zombie question.)

    Me: “So, listen. If there was a zombie apocalypse and I got bitten, what would you do?”

    Boyfriend: *without even pausing for thought* “Honey, I would shoot the s*** out of you.”

    Related:
    Till Undeath Do Us Part, Part 31
    Till Undeath Do Us Part, Part 30
    Till Undeath Do Us Part, Part 29
    Till Undeath Do Us Part, Part 28
    Till Undeath Do Us Part, Part 27
    Till Undeath Do Us Part, Part 26
    Till Undeath Do Us Part, Part 25

    As Long As You Don’t Drag Earth And Wind Into This

    | ON, Canada | Engaged

    (My fiancée and I are having dinner and discussing the fact that I don’t like getting my engagement ring wet.)

    Me: “I just don’t like putting it in water. I take it off to wash my hands and shower and stuff.”

    Fiancée: “Oh, I see how it is. You’re just cheating on me with the water. You love it that much do you?” *fakes offence*

    Me: “Oh, baby, yeah. I just can’t resist how wet it gets me.” *looks him directly in the eye as I take a deliberate sip of water from my glass*

    Fiancée: *gasps* “Now you’re doing it right in front of me!”

    Me: “Oh, like you are one to talk. You cheat on me with fire all the time!”

    Fiancée: “No, I don’t. I just like looking. She’s so hot.”

    Me: “Mm-hmm, is that why I catch you touching her all the time?”

    Fiancée: “I’m just stoking her a little bit. It means nothing, I swear!”

    (There’s a long pause where we stare at each other before bursting out laughing.)

    Me: “The people in this restaurant must think we are nuts!”

    The Heights Of Brutal Honesty

    | San Mateo, CA, USA | Friends With Benefits

    (I’m out to dinner with a guy I’m sleeping with, but not dating. I’m talking about setting him up with one of my friends. Note: I’m 5’0”.)

    Me: “She’s really nice and is starting a PhD program this year!”

    Him: “How tall is she?”

    Me: “5’6”… Why? Is height a requirement?”

    Him: “Well… No… but I’m more attracted to women around a certain height.”

    Me: “What height is that?”

    Him: “Around 5’9” or so.”

    (I gave him a very pointed look. He bought me dinner.)

    An Appreciation Depreciation

    , | CA, USA | Engaged

    (We are running late on our way to the movies, so we stop at [Fast Food Place] to get something to eat.)

    Me: “I don’t mind paying for the food.”

    Fiancé: “Ah, no, babe. You do too much for me. I was just thinking that the other day: this chick washes my clothes, makes me food – she even sucks my d***, man!”

    (All this while standing in front of the cashier. I can’t help but to start laughing loud.)

    Me: “Wow, you are so romantic babe.”

    Their Love’s Days Are Numbered

    | CA, USA | Dating

    (My boyfriend and I have ordered food at a restaurant and are waiting for our numbers to be called out.)

    Boyfriend: “We’re going to be together forever, aren’t we?”

    Me: “Of course we are.”

    Boyfriend: “And we get to build a life together.”

    Me: “You don’t know how much I’m looking forward to it.”

    Boyfriend: “I’m pretty lucky I have you.”

    Me: “I’ll never leave you.”

    (We hold hands across the table and share a sweet moment, until my number is called.)

    Me: “I’m leaving you.” *gets up*

    Boyfriend: “You’ll come crawling back soon.”


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