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    Love Some Body

    | Melbourne, VIC, Australia | Dating

    (I’m texting my girlfriend while I’m having a bad and very busy day at work.)

    Me: “I’ve got a lot less pressure on me now. It turns out the customer whose order I’m working on died last night.”

    Girlfriend: “Hmmm, coincidence?”

    Me: “I’ve said too much.”

    Girlfriend: “I won’t tell.”

    Me: “That’s good to know.”

    Girlfriend: “I’d totally help you bury a dead body.”

    Me: “That’s even better to know!”

    Fighting Words

    | Kansas City, KS, USA | Engaged

    (My fiancé and I are competitive people and love challenging each other to new games. He suggested ‘words with friends’ recently. English is his second language. I’m an English major.)

    Fiancé: “What the f***! 50 points?!”

    Me: “You forfeited?”

    Fiancé: “All I had were ‘A’s.”

    Me: “Aw, that was a close game. New one?”

    Fiancé: “Yeah.”

    (We play.)

    Fiancé: “Over 100 points in two turns? What?!”

    Me: “I had a blank tile.”

    Fiancé: “Start over.”

    Me: “Okay.”

    (I play a complex word.)

    Fiancé: “What does that even MEAN?”

    Me: “It’s a parasitic creature.”

    Fiancé: “I’m done.”

    Me: “With words with friends, or…?”

    Fiancé: “Words.”

    Me: “In general?”

    (True to his word, he didn’t speak to me the rest of the day.)

    Jam Packed With Love

    | Australia | Dating

    (It is our two month anniversary, and we are discussing food since we can’t be together.)

    Me: “Do you like black jellybeans?”

    Boyfriend: “Yes!”

    Me: “ Cool, I’ll give them to you tomorrow.”

    Boyfriend: “Aw! I love you”

    Me: “I shall bribe your love with food.”

    Boyfriend: “Then I shall love you forever!”

    Not Suitable For Adults

    | UK | Dating

    (Over text my girlfriend and I are discussing our ‘mundane’ tasks for the day.)

    Me: “Look at us being sensible adults!”

    Girlfriend: “Yeah, but afterwards I’m gonna watch kitties on YouTube and eat my body weight in chocolate.”

    Me: “Not a bad idea. We do have to balance this adult thing out.”

    License To Kill

    | Los Angeles, CA, USA | Marriage & Partners

    (On the way to work, I see a license plate that says, ‘I ♥ [my initials]‘. I send my wife the picture and the following email exchange takes place.)

    Me: “It looks like you have some competition. I was behind this car this morning. I gotta say, I’m kinda flattered.”

    Wife: “Okay, where is the b****? I am taking her out to the trash.”

    Me: “I’m not even sure it was a woman driving. It could’ve been a guy.”

    Wife: “Whatever. They are gonna swim with the fishes.”

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