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    Everything I Deux

    | Australia | Dating

    (My girlfriend and I live together, but I am traveling interstate to visit family. I receive two texts from her.)

    Girlfriend: *text #1* “Well I’ve officially gone crazy. I just sang Bryan Adam’s Everything I Do…”

    Girlfriend: *text #2* “…in French.”

    (My girlfriend does speak French, but as far as I was aware the only songs she previously knew were nursery rhymes!)

    In A Relationship With Yoda, You Are

    | Buckie, Scotland, UK | Marriage & Partners

    (My wife and I recently moved into a new flat, and have had several conversations over the past couple of weeks about what furniture we’ll be getting and where we’ll be putting it. I’m tidying the flat while she’s at work when the following conversation occurs.)

    Wife: “BRAINWAVE!”

    Me: “Brainwave?”

    Wife: “Furniture, sense making, pretty.”

    Me: “Words. Use.”

    Wife: “Excite, can’t.”

    Me: “Attempt make, for the understanding husband do.”

    Wife: “I’ll explain later.”

    Loving You Is As Easy As Duck Soup

    | Dayton, OH, USA | Dating

    (I live in Ohio while my boyfriend lives in Washington. Because we do the whole long distance thing, we’re always on Skype or texting. I am really sick.)

    Me: “I need you to fly here and bring me soup and cuddles.”

    Boyfriend: “Well I can bring the cuddles but I won’t bring soup!”

    Me: “That’s messed up! I was using you for your soup! Forget you!”

    Boyfriend: “I love you too, babe!”

    Me: “I love you too… but I still want soup…”

    Puns Are A Dish Best Served Cold

    | Orlando, FL, USA | Dating

    (I went out for ice cream with friends late the night before and am now texting my boyfriend the following morning.)

    Boyfriend: “How are you today? No, hangovers from the ice cream?”

    Me: “Nope. I handle my ice cream quite well, but I am a bit sleepy.”

    Boyfriend: “Now for ice cream, it’s a ‘rocky road’ for you when you don’t get enough sleep and consume too much ice cream.”

    Me: “Oh! Ice cream puns. If only I could come up with some.”

    Boyfriend: “Well, I did “ice” that pun, to “cone” a phrase.”

    Me: “I was already ‘sweet’ deprived before last night anyway.”

    Boyfriend: “See, puns are something that can be ‘scooped’ up in a few minutes.”

    Me: “And then ‘sprinkled’ throughout conversation.”

    Boyfriend: “While ‘chilling out’ and our minds ‘consume’ the knowledge.”

    Me: “Otherwise we’d all go ‘nuts.'”

    A Pleasurable Answer

    | NY, USA | Dating

    Girlfriend: “Can you name something better than an orgasm?”

    Me: *immediately* “No.”

    Girlfriend: “Come on, you didn’t even think about it.”

    Me: “Did I have to?”


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