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  • Very Soppy Soup
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  • Providing Loving Support

    | England, UK | Dating

    (My boyfriend and I are messaging online when the conversation turns to males versus females.)

    Me: “Ah, to be a guy… It must be wonderful.”

    Boyfriend: “It has its perks.”

    Me: “But… you don’t have boobs.”

    Boyfriend: “I admit they are cool.”

    Me: “On the other hand, bras can be stupidly expensive.”

    Boyfriend: “I’ll hold them for you?”

    Me: “…”

    The Age Of Ex-perience

    | LA, USA | Exes/Old Flames

    (It is the day before my 30th birthday, and I am chatting with my ex online. It should be noted, my ex is older than me, and we have since reconciled our friendship after breaking up.)

    Me: “I turn old tomorrow!”

    Ex: “Serves you right.”

    Honeymoon Trial Period

    | MB, Canada | Family/Kids, Marriage & Partners

    (My brother got married recently and is texting my mom:)

    Brother: “Well, I’ve been married six months and [Wife] isn’t prime suspect in a murder case yet!”

    Their Relationship Is As Clear As Mud

    | San Jose, CA, USA | Dating

    (My boyfriend likes to look through funny pictures of animals whenever he’s bored or killing time. If he finds a particularly cute or funny one, he texts it to me. One night, he sent me a picture of a muddy bulldog with the caption ‘he fought the mud and the mud won.’)

    Me: “Cute.”

    Boyfriend: “Like you.”

    Me: “I’m as cute as a mud covered bulldog?”

    Boyfriend: “Yes.”

    Me: “That seems a more appropriate analogy for you. I’d like to name that dog [Boyfriend].”

    Me: “I’m more of a pet running full tilt at a glass door.”

    Boyfriend: “Yes, you are!”

    Hungry For Words

    | Lehi, UT, USA | Marriage & Partners

    (My husband speaks Swahili and is from Kenya. I am trying to be cute. I’m learning but do not have fluent Swahili skills yet. We are chatting over a work IM.)

    Me:njaa kwa ajili yenu

    (Trying to be sexy, we are talking about food. I am attempting to say ‘I’m hungry for you.’)

    Husband: “You’re hungry on my behalf? Well… I am hungry, too… sooo…”

    Me: “Google translate has failed me.”

    (In a conversation a few days prior, I was apologizing for ‘bugging’ him. Unfortunately it came across as ‘I’m sorry for insect-ing you.’)

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