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    You Have Discovered A New Relationship Area

    | Westchester, NY, USA | Dating

    (I’ve recently started dating a guy, and we are sending each other sexy texts about things we would want to do in the future.)

    Me: *responding to one of his ideas* “Well, we’re gonna need to a earn a lot more experience points before we make it to that level.”

    Guy: “Did you just insert nerd terminology into our sexting?”

    Me: “Yes. Yes, I did.”

    Guy: “So, tell me more about this level system…”

    (Ever since, we refer to ‘leveling up’ or ‘gaining points’ when we talk about something we haven’t done yet.)

    Murder Is So Hot Right Now

    | MA, USA | Dating

    (My boyfriend and I are talking about a popular TV show character who is a serial killer, although we both find him attractive.)

    Me: “How come you get angry when [Other Character] kills people but not when [Attractive Character] kills people?”

    Boyfriend: “Because he’s hot.”

    Me: “You think I’m hot. Does that mean I can murder people?”

    Boyfriend: “If you can get away with it, sure.”

    Me: “Good to know.”

    Ominously Sexy

    | Chicago, IL, USA | Marriage & Partners

    (My husband is at work when a screw falls out of our bed frame and is stripped. I need his help to take it apart to fix the issue.)

    Me: “I’m gonna need your help in the bedroom when you get home.”

    Husband: “Not sure if that’s ominous or sexy…”

    Me: “Exactly as I planned. You’ll just have to be surprised.”

    Husband: “I can already see how this is going to play out. I’ll come home and you’ll be wearing some kind of sexy outfit, you’ll lead me back to the bedroom… and then have me crawl under the bed to clean up cat vomit.”

    Me: “While that seems likely, it’s probably much worse.”

    Husband: “…aaand it’s officially veered solidly in ‘ominous’ territory.”

    We’re Not Sleeping Together

    | Austin, TX, USA | Dating

    (My boyfriend and I have been in a long distance relationship for two and a half years. We often do Skype calls while sleeping, so we can hear each other’s breathing, etc. This morning, we were napping on a call for 4.5 hours, when the call drops.)

    Boyfriend: *over text* “The call failed! Did your phone die? Anyway, sleep well, princess!”

    Me: “What?! I thought you were asleep this whole time! I’ve been awake!”

    Boyfriend: “Oh. I was awake! I thought you were asleep!”

    Me: “When did you wake up?!”

    Boyfriend: “Like, two and a half hours ago!”

    Me: “We are the silliest.”

    Boyfriend: “Both being quiet and considerate because we thought the other was asleep. We are the best couple!”

    Peppered With Tattoos

    | CO, USA | Engaged

    (I have just recently gotten a tattoo that has a lot of black, and it has started the peeling phase.)

    Me: “I’m a pepper shaker!”

    Fiancé: “What?”

    Me: “I’m a pepper shaker! I jump up and down and black flakes come out of me!”

    Fiancé: *laughing*

    Me: “I love you.”

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