(I am organizing and managing a weekend gathering, and getting quite annoyed with someone who doesn’t understand that I run many events. I start texting my boyfriend.)

Me: “If I were convicted of murder, but the victim was an annoying git who is trying to tell me how to do my job, would you be upset?”

Boyfriend: “Does the prison you’re going to have conjugal visits?”

Me: “Well, if I do kill them, would you help dispose of the body?”

Boyfriend: “I’ll warm up the chainsaw.”

Me: “I love you.”