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Gives New Meaning To ‘Coin-Toss’

| Finland | Marriage & Partners

Me: “Hey, there’s a 20-cent coin on the bed.”

Husband: “That must have fallen out when I took off my pants.”

Me: “So, you take off your pants and money falls out?”

Husband: “At least it didn’t fall out of my underwear.”

Me: “You must not be a very good stripper if 20-cent coins are what they’re putting in there.”

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An Ex Rumspringa

| Oslo, Norway | Advice, Exes/Old Flames

(My best friend and I talk to each other on the phone at least once a week, if not more. He and I used to date some years ago, but are now just friends, and are both in happy, fulfilling relationships. A few weeks before this, he had posted a photo of himself on Facebook, where I noted that in his unshaven state, he looked Amish.)

Me: “You really do need to shave though. You look Amish.”

Friend: “I know. You said. Can I just trim, instead of shaving?”

Me: “Sure. As long as you stop looking Amish!”

Friend: “What if I just start wearing a Quaker hat instead, though?”

Me: “I was about to say I’d break up with you, but then I remembered that we’re not actually dating anymore.”

Friend: *laughing* “I don’t think your boyfriend would be too happy about that.”

Me: “Nah, he won’t mind. He’ll probably just laugh when I tell him.”

(Later, I’m telling my boyfriend about the conversation while we chat online.)

Friend: “What’s a Quaker hat?”

Me: “I like that you focus more on that than the fact that I literally forgot that I’m not dating one of my exes.”

(He really has his priorities straight.)

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Put That Excuse To Bed

| The Netherlands | Boyfriend/Girlfriend

(My boyfriend and I are having dinner. Earlier this morning, we decided we’d have some fun later tonight.)

Me: “So, my sister texted me while I was waiting for the train, to ask if mum could swing by later tonight and pick up a book I promised my brother could borrow.”

Boyfriend: *smirks* “So what did you say?”

Me: “Well, since we have plans, I wanted to say no, but I was unsure how and if I even should. Anyway, she told me it was okay if I wanted to go to bed early, so I affirmed that.”

Boyfriend: *laughing* “Yeah, you’re going to bed early all right!”

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Your Relationship Is Not A Train Wreck

| Germany | Boyfriend/Girlfriend, Exes/Old Flames

(My ex-girlfriend works as a ticket inspector for the German railway company Deutsche Bahn. Usually we’re taking the same train when commuting to and back from work and she always wears her uniform because she can travel for free when in working clothes. This day she’s a bit late and only gets on the train shortly before departure. As she searches for me, the train starts moving and when she comes in people already start to fish out their tickets. To their surprise she ignores them and sits down and gives me a kiss, and I start telling her how hard my day was while she tries to cheer me up a bit. However, she gets off a station earlier than me. After she’s left I notice the strange looks I am getting. I start to realize how strange it must have looked when I cuddled with the ticket inspector and repeatedly said to her that I love her.)

Me: “What?! She came with [Expensive Rail-Card]… They’re having a promotion right now.”

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You’re The Blocked Light Of My Life

| CA, USA | Engaged

(I have just gotten out of the shower and see my fiancée clipping her toenails. Not able to help myself, I make a few off-color and gross remarks that shall remain unknown for the sake of everyone’s sanity. My fiancée is “put off” by my humor — not actually offended, but mildly perturbed — so I attempt to “salvage” the moment.)

Me: *teasingly* “Who loves me, honey?”

Fiancée: “Your mom. Your mom loves you.”

Me: “Yes, she does. Very much. But who else loves me?”

Fiancée: “I’m pretty sure your dad loves you.”

Me: “Yes, I’m confident that he loves me. But who else loves me?”

Fiancée: “I think your sister loves you.”

(By this point, I’m kneeling in front of the wastebasket where she’s disposing her toenail clippings, rubbing her knee.)

Me: “Yes, I’m sure she does. But who else loves me?”

Fiancée: “…Your brother?”

Me: “Yes, he does. Who else?”

Fiancée: “I think your cousins love you.”

Me: *already giggling by this point* “Okay, honey, but let’s be real here: Who else loves me?”

Fiancée: “Well, certainly not the person whose light you’re blocking right now, that’s for sure.”

(I start laughing, and she kisses me.)

Fiancée:I love you, honey. I love you.”

Me: “I love you, too.”

Fiancée: “But, seriously, you’re blocking my light.”

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