Won’t Let Him Linger(ie)

| UK | Harassment

(I work in a lingerie shop as a cashier and our boss, a woman, asks us to wear lingerie around the store so we can advertise our product. As you’d expect, this draws the attention of a lot of middle-aged men.)

Man: “So what do you work here as?”

Me: “Well, as a cashier.”

Man: *smirking* “Don’t you need a man to help pay the bills?”

Me: “I’m a lesbian…”

Man: “NO, you’re not. You just don’t want me. THIS IS TERRIBLE CUSTOMER SERVICE!”

Me: “Because I don’t want to be with a middle-aged man as I’m 18 and a lesbian?”

Man: “Yes, that’s your job!”

Me: “My job is a cashier and I have to wear this so it advertises the product.”

Man: “Well, I’m gonna call your manager and tell her how horrible you’ve been!”

(About ten minutes pass as he talks with my manager. She comes around the corner and looks at me.)

Manager: “Did you try to get this married man to sexually touch you?”

Me: *confused* “Obviously not. As you know, I’m a lesbian.”

Manager: “Okay, just had to make sure.”

(The customer comes back in and smirks at me, and then the manager, and then back at me.)

Man: “So, she getting fired?”

(My manager slapped him so hard you could see tears forming in his right eye as he ran out.)

Blow Off That Date

| CO, USA | Boyfriend/Girlfriend, Non-Dialogue

After a fun date, my boyfriend and I are snuggling in his car. His head is on my shoulder, which I think is very sweet and nice.

Suddenly he turns his head and blows his nose into my shoulder! I am mortified, and he just turns back around like it was completely normal. He doesn’t understand why I yell at him for getting snot all over my new dress, acting like it is no big deal.

I walked the rest of the way home.

Attack Of The Things!

| MA, USA | Engaged

(It’s a Sunday morning and I’m in my pajamas making breakfast. My fiancé comes up from behind me and puts his arms around me and starts kissing my neck.)

Me: “Well, this is nice! I’m just here doing my thing and you act like you can’t keep your hands off me.”

Fiancé: “Hey, if you’re going to do your thing, I might as well do mine!”

About To Get Some More Stupid Comments

| Dubai | Marriage & Partners

(My husband is Muslim and I am Christian and I am getting a lot of stupid comments about how Muslims “really are” and that I should “be careful.” They hurt at the beginning, but now we just laugh about them. As he is working night shift, he leaves in the evening and comes back in the morning after I leave for work. One morning, I wake up and see that he had texted me, asking to leave the front door unlocked as he forgot his keys. We live in a secured apartment building, so it is very common for people to leave their doors unlocked. I start getting ready for work when I notice that I cannot see his keys anywhere, but think nothing of it. As I go to leave, I see that the door is locked and briefly wonder how he did that without a key and as I try to unlock the door, I realize that he locked the door from outside and left his keys in the lock, making me unable to unlock the door from inside! I text him what had happened:)

Me: “You locked the door and left the key in the lock.”

Husband: “Outside?”

Me: “Yes! How am I gonna get out now?!”

Husband: “Call security!”

Me: “I tried, but they don’t answer!”

(I eventually manage to “escape” when my neighbour leaves for work and sees the keys there.)

Me: “So, the neighbour helped me. But I really don’t like you right now.”

Husband: “I know. I’m sorry…”

Me: “I thought you were different! But you are just another Muslim who locks his wife away!”

Husband: “Maybe that’s my inner Muslim who wants to lock you away?”

Me: “I should have listened to all those people.”

Husband: “Babe, I am so sorry. I promise to pick you up from work tonight and bring you to dinner! Just don’t tell anyone, okay?”

Me: *hysterical laughter*

No Need To Worm Your Way Out Of That One

| Birmingham, England, UK | Marriage & Partners

(It is a cold night, so my wife pulls herself all the way down under the covers.)

Me: “Aw, you’re snuggling down into your hole like a little…”

Wife: “Lugworm.”

Me: “Well I was going to say ‘bunny rabbit’ but that’ll do.”

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