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Nothing To Laugh About

| Richmond, VA, USA | Boyfriend/Girlfriend

(It’s three am and I’m sound asleep and am woken up by my boyfriend laughing menacingly.)

Me: “Baby, why are you laughing?”

Boyfriend: “I’m not laughing.”

(He laughs again just as creepily as before.)

Me: “Baby?”

Boyfriend: *snores*

(Couldn’t sleep after that.)

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The Timing Has Come For The Third Age

| Kitchener, ON, Canada | Boyfriend/Girlfriend

(I have just come from the emergency room due to a workplace related injury. It is late at night but my boyfriend still comes to see me to offer comfort and emotional support. We’re both pretty geeky.)

Me: “They’ve been using me as a pin cushion! What with all the blood tests and vaccines…”

Boyfriend: “I can only imagine, babe…”

Me: “I wonder if my arm is bruising. They took blood twice from the same spot…” *rips off band-aid* “Yyyyyyyup, there it is.”

Boyfriend: “Oh…” *face-palms*

Me: “What did you do?”

Boyfriend: “It’s what came to mind…”

Me: “Just tell me.”

Boyfriend: “Your arm looks like the Eye of Sauron…”

Me: *stares* “It so does! That’s awesome! I have the Eye of Sauron on my arm! Why would you not tell me that!?”

Boyfriend: “I thought it was bad timing!”

Me: “I love you, and your timing is perfect!”

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It’s De-Cider-ed

| Kelowna, BC, Canada | Engaged, Marriage & Partners

(My partner and I are engaged, but she remains ambivalent about the whole “wedding” idea.)

Partner: “Why? We’re technically married already; we’ve been common law for two years. And we’re polyamorous atheists; feels a bit hollow to go through all the pageantry.”

Me: “I just love you so much and I want to have the ceremony and make it official, with the people we love and all.”

Partner: “I love you too, but it’s so much hassle. I’ve never wanted the white dress and all that crap.”

Me: *playing my ace* “I looked it up, and they do weddings at [Her Favourite Ciderworks].”

(Her face freezes. Then it goes through a truly incredible series of expressions, including eye-twitching and rapid blinking; it’s like a human blue screen of death while her feelings duke it out.)

Me: “Honey?”

Partner: “I’ll, uh… I’ll think about it.”

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