Squaring That One Away

| Prague, Czech Republic | Golden Years, Marriage & Partners

(Despite my age, I not only decide to donate blood for the first time, but I also talk my husband into doing the same. We are in the waiting room, filling in the questionnaire. Everything goes well, but then my husband gets to the part about “risky behaviour,” which may disqualify a person from being a donor.)

Husband: “What is this? Do I have to fill it?”

Me: “What is the problem? You never got transfusion, much less abroad, you never touched a prostitute, actually you slept with only one woman the last twenty years, and you never even thought about taking drugs!”

Husband: “Yeah… Now they will think I am complete square who has no fun in life!”

(Pause.)

Husband: “And yet I have SO MUCH FUN with you, my sweetest bloom on the tree of beauty!”

Me: “Tough luck. Let’s hope the medical records are really secure here.”

Gaining Sexperience Points, Part 4

| Blaine, MN, USA | Marriage & Partners

(My husband and I are sitting next to each other and playing D&D, using voice chat and an online map to play with several friends. He is the DM, and the other players and I are having trouble with a particular enemy. I have just tried to attack it again, and this happens:)

Husband: “Nope, that roll wasn’t good enough. You miss again.”

Me: *incredibly frustrated* “Are you f****** me?!”

Friend #1: “Well, I sure hope he’s not right now.”

(Our friends immediately started cracking up, and it took all of us several minutes to stop giggling and carry on with the game.)

Related:
Gaining Sexperience Points, Part 3
Gaining Sexperience Points, Part 2
Gaining Sexperience Points

Stepping Up To The Advice

| London, England, UK | Marriage & Partners

(I am on a depressive/anxiety slump. I am sitting on the sofa stuffing my face with pizza.)

Me: “I hate this. The house is a mess. It’s so gorgeous outside, and I can’t motivate myself to do either. Can’t clean the house; can’t go outside. Ugh.”

Husband: “I’m sorry, babe. Let’s cuddle.”

Me: “I just want to be normal!”

Husband: “Why would you want to be normal when you are perfect? That’s a step down wouldn’t you say?”

(I love him!)

Has His Own Private Reasons

| Toronto, ON, Canada | Flirting

(A coworker runs up to me, looking scared.)

Coworker: “[My Name], a guy just asked me where he could find a private room and I told him I don’t swing that way. Why does everyone think I’m gay? Is it my hair?”

Coworker #2: “Is that the guy asking you for a private room?” *points to young man with baby and stroller*

Coworker: “Yeah, what a creep!”

Me: “You didn’t think he was asking so he could change the baby’s diaper or something?”

Coworker: “Oh… you think so?”

Handy In A Pinch

| Northern Ireland, UK | Boyfriend/Girlfriend

(My boyfriend and I usually end up going to bed at different times, him always being first. As a light sleeper, whenever I eventually go to bed, he wakes up for a quick cuddle and falls asleep again. This night, he has grabbed both my hands and is holding them close to his chest.)

Boyfriend: *half-asleep* “Night night, babe…”

(I wish him goodnight and lie down, wiggling my hands slightly as I do.)

Boyfriend: *all but yelps in panic* “WAIT! WHY DO I HAVE SO MANY HANDS?!”

(I immediately started laughing and reassured him that he had a normal amount of hands, and the rest belonged to me.)

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