I’ll Be Your PDA If You Show Me Some PDA

| Norfolk, VA, USA | Marriage & Partners

(I’m at the bank with my wife. I approach the information desk to submit some forms.)

Teller: “Good morning sir, do you have your account number?”

Me: “No, I don’t, but I can give you–”

(Without missing a beat, my wife suddenly cuts in and states my entire account number from memory.)

Me: *surprised* “Yes, I do.”

Fourth Time’s Not So Charming

| Australia | Dating, Top

(My boyfriend and I are talking about our plans for the next few weeks. It’s our anniversary the following Wednesday.)

Me: “So, what’s happening next Wednesday again?”

Boyfriend: “Umm…we have an accounting test?”

Me: “And?”

Boyfriend: “[New videogame] comes out?”

Me: *silence*

Boyfriend: “Oh! Oh! It’s our two year anniversary!”

Me: *even more silence*

Boyfriend: “I mean, it’s our three year anniversary, sweetheart!”

The Circle Of Strife

, | New York, USA | Marriage & Partners

(While my mom is in the middle of eating, my dad tries to be romantic and give her a kiss.)

Mom: “Aaaagh! What are you doing?!”

Dad: “I’m trying to kiss you!”

Mom: “Not while I’m eating! I could’ve choked!”

Dad: “But–”

Mom: “I could’ve choked! Wait until I’m done eating!”

Dad: “Fine.” *sadly walks out of the dining room*

Mom: “I can’t believe he tried to kiss me…of all the stupid things! I could’ve choked and died, just because he wanted to be romantic!”

Me: *singing*Caaan you feel the looove toniiight…

Mom: “Shut up, you’re not helping!”

Fail Whale

| Portland, OR, USA | Dating

(My boyfriend and I are sitting on the couch while I am enjoying my favorite shrimp flavored chips.)

Boyfriend: “Wow, you really like those.”

Me: “Well, they are my favorite.”

Boyfriend: “You’re like…half girl, half whale!”

Me: *glares*

Boyfriend: “…because whales eat shrimp?”

Forget The Announcements, Here Come The Pronouncements

| Amsterdam, Netherlands | Marriage & Partners

(It’s my friend’s wedding. His bride-to-be has some behavioral issues, so not everyone is happy about their marriage. Nonetheless, I decide to go over to my friend’s mother and congratulate her.)

Me: “Hi, congratulations on your son’s marriage!

Friend’s mother: “Don’t you mean, ‘My condolences’?”

Me: *awkward silence*

(On the other side of the room, we see my friend being congratulated by a female friend. Immediately, the bride storms over and pulls my friend away.)

Friend’s mother: “I give them three weeks before one murders the other.”