Pass The Trial, Walk Down The Aisle

| Los Angeles, CA, USA | Engaged

(I answer the phone at home. A female caller answers.)

Me: “Yup?”

Female caller: “Hello! Is this [name]?”

Me: “That’s me.”

Female caller: “Great! I need your help with something?”

Me: “Sure, what is it?”

Female caller: “Will you marry me?”

Me: “Pardon?”

Female caller: “Yes, I said if you wanted to marry me?”

Me: “I don’t know who you are, first of all.”

Female caller: “I’m [name I don’t recognize]. Now, will you?”

Me: “Uh…no. First of all, I have a girlfriend. Second, I’m engaged. Third and final, I’m getting married next week. Better luck with someone else.

Female caller: “So you’re not marrying me?”

Me: “I wouldn’t marry you unless you’re my girlfriend.”

Female caller: “I see. That’s a shame.”

Me: “Huh?”

Female caller: “I am your girlfriend, you dumba**!”

(We still ended up getting married; she was just wondering how faithful I was, apparently!)

When Both Sides Of The Bed Are Wrong

| Virginia, USA | Marriage & Partners

(My husband and I have just woken up on a lazy Sunday morning. He rolls over to kiss me.)

Husband: “I never get tired of waking up next to you.”

Me: “Awwww.”

Husband: “I really think I love you the most in the morning.”

Me: “Oh yeah?”

Husband: “Yeah.” *kisses me again* “Because you haven’t had a chance to do anything stupid and f*** it up yet!”

Me: “I see you’re certainly getting an early start, though!”

No Flirting A-Loud

| Midland, MI, USA | Flirting, Golden Years

(I’m scanning out an elderly couple. The man is obviously hard of hearing.)

Me: “Hello, and how are you folks today?”

Customer: “You look so young. Why is that?”

Me: “I’m only 19.”

Customer: “What?”

Customer’s wife: “SHE SAYS SHE’S NINETEEN!”

Customer: “Oh…do you have a boyfriend?”

Me: “I’m engaged, actually.”

Customer: “What?”

Customer’s wife: “SHE SAYS SHE’S ENGAGED!”

Customer: “Oh…do you want to go out with me sometime?”

Me: “Uh…here, I’ll just finish scanning your items for you.”

Customer: “What?”

Customer’s Wife: “SHE TURNED YOU DOWN!”

No Flirting A-Loud

Not Always Romantic: Windows Phone 7 App

| Windows Phone 7 | Announcements

Introducing Not Always Romantic’s Official Windows Phone 7 App!

Easily view, share, and save all of the hilarious stories on your phone with the official app. You can even submit your own stories right from the app!

* Available Paid or Free – choose from either Paid & Ad-free or Free & Ad-Supported flavors!
* Top stories – as voted by users just like you
* Recent stories – daily posts, straight from the site
* Random stories – practically infinite entertainment
* Related stories – find and read other stories related by workplace and situation
* Saved stories – easily save your favorites stories for offline viewing
* Submit – upload your own stories right from the app
* Share – send stories to friends, family, and coworkers via email

Get your app today!

Support Me Or My Weight, But Not Both

| Painted Post, NY, USA | Marriage & Partners

(My husband and I are shopping for a cheap sling back chair that I need to take to a meeting for work. We’re looking in the outside lawn and garden section and decide to ask an associate for help. The clerk brings out a small, inexpensive chair.)

Me: “Awesome. That is just what I want.”

Husband: “Are you sure you don’t want to try it out first?”

Me: “I’m using it for a two or three hour meeting. It’s fine.”

Husband: “I really think you should try it out.”

Me: “What is there to try? It’s a chair.”

Husband: “Well…I just want to make sure that it will hold your weight.”

Me: *not amused*

Clerk: “If you want to punch him, I see nothing!”