Hotel Californication

| USA | Fights/Breakups

(Our hotel has a strict rule about protecting our guests’ privacy. We do not give room numbers unless they say it’s ok. A young woman of about 21 comes in. She’s wearing ripped up old stained tank top with no underwear, and she’s pale, shaking, and thin. Another woman, her friend, looks more normal and stands behind her.)

Woman: “Hello, is [Name] here?”

Me: “He is.”

Woman: “Great, which room number is he?”

Me: “We are not allowed to give out his room number.”

Woman: “But I’m his girlfriend!”

Me: “Even if you were his mother I could not.”

(Round and round we go, with the woman piping, “But I’m his girlfriend!” every time as if that would magically get her his room number. Her friend behind her starts giggling, and then becomes bored and tries to pull her away.)

Friend: “C’mon, let’s just go. They can’t give his number. We’ll find another way.”

(The young woman continues insisting I give his room number, and I keep saying no. Finally, she looks at me with a complete psychotic look in her eye, and says:)

Woman: “He’s in there with another woman, isn’t he? Isn’t he?!”

(She made her hand into a claw and tried to attack me. Security and her friend helped pull her out, yelling incoherently. I never saw her again. I reported it to my manager and he told me later that he told the guest that his girlfriend has tried to see him. He said, “What girlfriend?” and told us that he’d broken up with someone earlier that day and thanked us for protecting his privacy!)

As Long As It’s Not A ‘Game Of Thrones’ Themed Wedding

| Vacation | Boyfriend/Girlfriend, Marriage & Partners

(My boyfriend and I have been traveling, and we’re relaxing a bit before heading out for the evening. We’re discussing the most interesting weddings we’ve heard about or been invited to. It’s worth noting that ‘The Count of Monte Cristo’ is my all-time favorite book, as he well knows.)

Boyfriend: “One of my friends had a zombie wedding that was pretty cool. When they cut the cake, raspberry syrup blood oozed out.”

Me: “Nice! One of my theatre-geek friends had a Les Miserables wedding – you had to steal the bread and silverware at the reception, and a bunch of people piled up all the chairs and started singing.”

Boyfriend: “That’s pretty cool. I like the idea of literary-themed weddings.”

Me: “Ooooh, Count of Monte Cristo wedding!”

Boyfriend: “NO! We know how that one goes! It starts with the groom getting falsely arrested halfway through the ceremony, and it ends thirty years later with all the wedding guests dead, insane, or disgraced!”

Me: “Hmm, true. Maybe not then.”

Boyfriend:Midsummer Night’s Dream wedding?”

Me: “Only if it doesn’t actually involve being drugged and lost in the woods.”

Hard Of Leering

| OK, USA | Flirting, Popular

Elderly Guest: “Excuse me, miss, didn’t you hear me?”

Me: *thinking I might have missed a question as I was typing at the time* “Hmm? No, I’m sorry, sir. What did you say?”

Elderly Guest: “I said ‘Most beautiful women are hard of hearing.’” *wink*

(Normally I hate being hit on at work – but that was so smooth I wasn’t even mad.)

A Dog Is For Life, Not Just For Valentine’s Day

| Canada | Dating, Popular

(My boyfriend had promised to buy me a puppy and a vibrator (on separate occasions), which he voided out when we broke up. We’re back together again and this is the newest instance of a string of similar conversations.)

Boyfriend: “So, tomorrow’s Valentine’s Day.”

Me: “Yup.”

Boyfriend: “Do you want anything?”

Me: “Hmm… chocolate?”

Boyfriend: “Okay.”

Me: “And a puppy.”

Boyfriend: “Uh huh.”

Me: “And a vibrator.”

Boyfriend: “Right. Are you planning on combining those three things in some way?”

Me: *offended tone* “No, of course not.”

Boyfriend: “Good.”

Me: “If I was, I’d have asked for peanut butter, not chocolate.”

Boyfriend: “…You’re so gross.”

Beauty Before Age

| Austin, TX, USA | Flirting, Popular

(For the last 15 minutes, I have taken notice that a guest sitting in the breakfast area keeps on eyeing the front desk. As we get busy with check-outs, I stop paying attention to the man. Just when it starts to slow down, the man walks toward the front desk.)

Guest: “I have been staring at the most gorgeous lady for the last 30 minutes.”

Me: “Oh, who?”

Guest: “You, silly!”

Me: *laughs* “Now that’s a lie.”

Guest: “So, what are you doing after work?”

(I tell him that I have a few urgent priorities that need attending to. He understands. We begin talking about our backgrounds, and he asks me what I did besides working. I tell him that I am a college student, studying psychology at a university nearby.)

Guest: “Oh! How nice! I graduated 13 years ago from my university!”

(And then there was a pause, in which both of us counted in our heads how much older he was than me, approximately. And as realization hit his face, he quickly muttered a “thank you” and “take care” and walked out of the lobby. I could not help but burst into giggles.)

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