Not Even Em-bra-rrassed To Say It

| Baltimore, MD, USA | Flirting, Popular

(I’m a 22-year-old female and hostess at a bar/restaurant in my town and am used to dealing with both ignorant and creepy customers on a daily basis. An average man in his late 50s is leaving the bar and stops where I’m standing on his way out.)

Customer: “You know what tomorrow is, right?”

Me: “Um, Wednesday?”

Customer: “It’s National No Bra Day.”

Me: “Oh. Yeah, I think I heard about that on [Popular Social Media Site].”

Customer: “So, are you working tomorrow?”

Me: “No, I have the day off tomorrow.”

Customer: “Too bad. I would’ve come in just to see that.”

(He stared down at my chest and winked creepily before leaving while I stood there speechless.)


Killed The Chance Of A Second Date

| USA | Dating, Popular

(I’m a female in my mid-20s and until this I had never been on a date in person, just some very awkward Skype dates with a different guy. This happens in the middle of dinner and I’m running out of stuff to talk about.)

Me: “So, anything weird happen to you lately?”

Guy: “Well… a few months ago I had to deal with a stalker.”

Me: *a little too enthusiastically* “Really? I’ve been studying stalkers and serial killers.”

(Pretty sure I know why there wasn’t a second date.)


True Romance Is Down In The Dumps

| USA | Fights/Breakups, Popular

(I am at a restaurant when I overhear this.)

Woman: “He dumped me! Can you believe that? And I’m so much hotter than him. Anyway, since he dumped me I left him a dump in his toilet to remember me by!”

(Romance these days…)


A Bath Full Of Shut Up

| Kitchener, ON, Canada | Dating, Popular

(My boyfriend and I just finished eating dinner at a Chinese food restaurant and are reading our fortunes.)

Boyfriend: “Okay, what does yours say?”

Me: “’There is no sorrow in the world that a hot bath wouldn’t help, just a little bit.’ I don’t buy that. If someone I care about dies, I really don’t think a hot bath will make me feel much better.”

Boyfriend: “Yeah, that’s true.”

Me: “What about yours?”

Boyfriend: “’Sometimes silence is the loudest kind of noise.’”

Me: “I guess that could be true.”

Boyfriend: “…My fortune cookie just told me to shut up.”


What A Supersplendidiferous Valentines

| England, UK | Engaged, Popular

(My sister is getting married and my girlfriend goes along to her Hen Night (Bachelorette Party), which coincidentally falls on Valentine’s Day. Since a lot of couples will be apart for Valentine’s Day my sister thinks it will be a great idea to have everyone’s partners write Valentine’s Day messages which can be read out on the night. To make it even more interesting the messages are distributed at random among everyone attending and each person takes a turn to read the messages out loud. So whilst others wrote typical Valentine’s day messages, filled with affection and gooey, squishy declarations of love, I might have decided to go for something a little different.)

Message: “To [My Girlfriend], it is Valentine’s day and as a ridiculous man I must express my feeling for you in a ridiculous way. Which is why I will now make the person reading out this message say the following words for your amusement; Wingardium Leviosa. Honorificabilitudinitatibus. Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious. Happy Valentine’s Day!”

(I was later told that the Maid of Honor was the one who had to read out my message and it took her five attempts to pronounce the entire list, commenting that she had had far too much wine to deal with it. My girlfriend was very amused, so mission accomplished.)