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Killed The Chance Of A Second Date

| USA | Dating, Popular

(I’m a female in my mid-20s and until this I had never been on a date in person, just some very awkward Skype dates with a different guy. This happens in the middle of dinner and I’m running out of stuff to talk about.)

Me: “So, anything weird happen to you lately?”

Guy: “Well… a few months ago I had to deal with a stalker.”

Me: *a little too enthusiastically* “Really? I’ve been studying stalkers and serial killers.”

(Pretty sure I know why there wasn’t a second date.)

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True Romance Is Down In The Dumps

| USA | Fights/Breakups, Popular

(I am at a restaurant when I overhear this.)

Woman: “He dumped me! Can you believe that? And I’m so much hotter than him. Anyway, since he dumped me I left him a dump in his toilet to remember me by!”

(Romance these days…)

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A Bath Full Of Shut Up

| Kitchener, ON, Canada | Dating, Popular

(My boyfriend and I just finished eating dinner at a Chinese food restaurant and are reading our fortunes.)

Boyfriend: “Okay, what does yours say?”

Me: “’There is no sorrow in the world that a hot bath wouldn’t help, just a little bit.’ I don’t buy that. If someone I care about dies, I really don’t think a hot bath will make me feel much better.”

Boyfriend: “Yeah, that’s true.”

Me: “What about yours?”

Boyfriend: “’Sometimes silence is the loudest kind of noise.’”

Me: “I guess that could be true.”

Boyfriend: “…My fortune cookie just told me to shut up.”