I Think It Would Be Best If You Cleave

| MI, USA | Flirting

(I am a bartender at a restaurant that has a lot of regular customers. I work mostly at night, and most of the regular bar customers are older men who often hit on staff and make inappropriate and sexist comments. Some examples of things customers have said to me: “You should be a kept a woman. Someone should take you away and take care of you.” “You have beautiful lips.” “You have a beautiful clavicle.” “I like watching your back while you work.” Once a customer didn’t even say anything, just looked me up and down and made a humping motion. This one was directed at my coworker, who was expo and food-runner for the night.)

Coworker: *setting the customer’s food on the bar* “Here is your pasta, sir.”

Customer: *leaning forward and leering* “I just wanted to tell you, you have really beautiful cleavage.”

(My coworker gives him a “F*** You” look and walks back to the kitchen. I just stand there speechless.)

Customer: *looks at me* “Was that inappropriate?”

At Least They Both Forgot

| Winnipeg, MB, Canada | Marriage & Partners

(My husband and I are friends with a couple who are very sweet, but sometimes a bit clueless. Their wedding date was June 5, 1993. They invite us to dinner for June 5, 1994.)

Me: *lifts my glass of wine in a toast* “So, here’s to you!”

Couple: *looks at me in puzzlement* “Um, thanks. What for?”

Me: “Your first anniversary – isn’t that why we’re here?”

Couple: “Really? How about that! Nah, we just wanted to have dinner.”

(And, on another occasion…)

Couple: “When is Valentine’s Day?”

Me: “I think it’s on a Sunday this year.”

Couple: “No, what DATE?”

Me: “February 14… Same as every year.”

Only Engaging With One Of You

| USA | Flirting, Popular

(My friend (female) just got engaged to her long distance BF who lives near my family. She knows my family, and is always going on with them about ‘approving’ girls I date. I am driving her to her fiancé’s place on a visit home, but we stop for dinner. The waitress ignores her, but waves me to a single stool at the bar.)

Me: “Uh, seating for two.”

Waitress: “Of course, sweetie.” *clears a booth* “What do you want to drink?”

Me: “Just water for me.”

Waitress: “Okay, B R B.” *spelt out as she starts to walk off*

Friend: “And MEEE; I want a pop!”

Waitress: “Fine.” *leaves*

Friend: “Really! I’m RIGHT here! Seriously, she doesn’t know you didn’t give me this shiny ring!”

Me: “Haha, so already no tip for her?”

(Later, the waitress brings out two separate checks without asking. When she returns our cards, with mine there is a napkin and a number on it.)

Friend: *grabbing and tearing napkin* “No, I don’t care how cute she is! Just, no! I’m telling your mommy!”

Me: “Haha! No potential girlfriend, but at least she didn’t charge me for the dessert you stole from me!”

Here We Pokémon Go Again, Part 6

| CT, USA | Boyfriend/Girlfriend

(My boyfriend and I work in different departments of the same place. On a night we are both closing, I finish my closing tasks before he does, so I go to sit and wait for him. I open up the new Pokémon Go game and see something.)

Me: “Babe! There’s a Squirtle outside! I’m gonna go walk around the building to see if I can find it!”

Boyfriend: “Here, I don’t have one yet. Take my phone, too!”

(Our manager couldn’t stop laughing at us.)

Here We Pokémon Go Again, Part 5
Here We Pokémon Go Again, Part 4
Here We Pokémon Go Again, Part 3

He’s Worth Every Penny

| WA, USA | Boyfriend/Girlfriend

(My girlfriend and I are out to eat. I don’t remember why, but we are talking about the financial aspect of eating.)

Me: “I get uncomfortable going to restaurants; it’s so expensive. I feel like an old person who’s angry that you can’t buy candy for a penny anymore.” *self-deprecating laugh*

Girlfriend: “You are the most – frugal isn’t a negative word, is it? You are the most frugal person I know.”

Me: “Really? Am I? I don’t think of myself as frugal. I’m pretty liberal with my other expenses.”

Girlfriend: “Well, from what I see of your spending, you’re even more frugal than [Stereotypically Cheap Grandpa]. And he buys rotten food because it’s cheaper.”

Me: “Wait. I can maybe get behind me being frugal, but how is he second to me?”